Big British Cock (TM)

by Saber ShadowKitten

You know something? Sometimes it sucks being a Big British Cock (TM). No pun intended. I mean, think about it. You're a penis, slightly larger than normal, speak with an accent and spend almost all your time shut up in a bloody pair of trousers. And the man I'm attached to hasn't been shagging anyone lately. I barely even see the light except when he's changing.

We're on the move right now. Don't know where to because I bloody well can't see anything. I know I only have one eye, but come on people, it'd be nice to know where the bloody hell we're going. Oh good, we've stopped. Not good, I'm getting excited. Again.

Perfect. I'm now cramped in this tiny space, in the dark, and I have no bleedin' clue as to what's making him all happy. Stupid wanker. Can't you at least gimme a peak? You've been making me hard off and on for the past week around the same time every night. And then you never do anything about it. The least you could do is jag off so I can relieve some of this bloody tension. I'm getting a headache. Pun intended.

Hey, hey, hey. What's this? Ouch. No, not ouch. Actually, that feels kinda good. Whatever it is you're doing, chap, keep it up. No, wait, don't stop, please? I was starting to enjoy mysel-l-l- l-what is this? Hello! Oh, yeah, I haven't felt this in a long time. Soft, gentle, teasing. Let me out. Please, I'm bloody begging you. Let me see who this hand is attached to so I can properly express my gratitude.

I can see! It's a miracle! I know that was a bit pathetic. The male I'm attached to likes to watch ‘Fern Gully' over and over because of some bloody song Tim Curry sings. At least he's British. I wonder if he has a Big British Cock (TM), as well. Hmm. Maybe one day I'll see him and find out.

Seeing. Sight. Light. Hand. Wrist. Arm. Shoulder. Blond hair. Kissing. Stop with the kissing and let me see the girl! Oh, but that does feel wonderful. Come on, luv, keep doing that and I'll be your mate. Here, I'll twitch for you so you know I like it. It's not like I can say anything, I don't have a mouth.

Oh bugger. Look at her. Humina-humina-humina. Wow. Is she the one who's been making me cramped all this time? Oh, baby, luv, kitten, ducks, please, yes! Mmmmmmmmmm. So dark, so hot, so wet, so...was that a tongue? I haven't felt that in bloody ages. Oh, please, pet, keep doing that. I feel teeth! Such pleasure, such pain, such...oh crap I'm going to cum. Now, baby. Now, now, now, now, now, now, now, nowwwaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!

Phew. I needed that. I haven't had that release bloody long! This stupid git I'm attached to won't take care of me properly. Locks me up, he does, in these tight jeans with nothing between me and my Calvins. I know that's American. He had a thing for Brooke Sheilds, too. Back then, at least, I saw the light of day more often.

Hey, what's he doing? Mmph. You sod, get off of me. I'm getting hard again and I can't see why. Bring that blond back here, whatever your rubbing me against ain't doing it, mate. I'm getting bloody seasick with all the rocking motion. Now, if I were wrapped in something soft and wet, maybe I wouldn't feel this way. What do you say, chap? Feel up for a little slap and tickle?

Oh, there you are, pet. I was wondering where you'd got to. My, what a lovely snatch you have. Do you mind terribly if I bury myself in it? I hope not, because that's where I'm finally heading. And it's about bloody time, too. Now, don't tease me, you twit. Shove me home.

Yessssssssssssssssss! Hot, hot, hot, so very bloody hot. And tight, too. This Big British Cock (TM) is very pleased to make your acquaintance. Oh, baby, luv, squeeze me again. Please, yes, just like that. Faster, mate, faster, it feels so bloody good. She's quivering around me. Whatever it is you're doing out there, keep it up! I'm going to cum again in a moment. Right around now.


Cor that felt great! Stay in here for a bit, mate. I bet I'll be up and about in a few seconds. She's hot, she's wet, she's tight, she's soft. Can we keep her? Twice in one night I've gotten to cum. That's a bloody record for you lately. If we keep her around, I'm willing to bet you'll shag more often. Please?

Wait! No! Don't pull out! Bugger it all, I want to stay where it's nice, not get crammed back in these bloody jeans! Great, we're moving again. Probably away from that lovely blond girl with the dark, wet pussy. Bloody hell. Why couldn't I get attached to a Brit who shagged more than twice in a year?

We've stopped. Oh joy. See how bleeding enthusiastic I am. Hey, look, light. Must be changing or getting into...hello cutie! She's here. She's bloody here. And she's taking off her clothes, too! Stirring to life again, I am. You dirty dog. You had me worried there for a moment. Thought I'd gone back to my pathetic existence as your unused Big British Cock (TM).

Wonderful. Bloody perfect. Thank you, mate, from the bottom of my shaft. I mean it, too, because once again I'm in the place where I long to stay for eternity.

Home, sweet home.