The Slayer's Bunch

by Saber ShadowKitten


Here's a story, about a lovely Slayer,

who was living on a Hellmouth with her friends.

There were five of them, all together,

but if they live it all depends -


On a story, about a man named Angel,

who was living with two vamps of his own.

They were three vamps, living all together,

yet they were all alone.


Till the one day when the Slayer met this Vampire,

and they knew it was much more than a hunch.

That this crew would somehow form a family,

that's the way they all became the Slayer's Bunch.

The Slayer's Bunch. The Slayer's Bunch.

That's the way they became the Slayer's Bunch.


(da, da, da da. da da, da, da da. da da, da, da, da da, da da, da da, da da...)



Part One


"Hi, dear! How was your night?" Buffy asked Angel as he entered their one-bathroom for 6 to share home.

"Pretty good. I have something here for the boys. My boss down at the firm gave it to me. He found it in Hawaii," Angel said, holding a small stone idol in his cold hands.

"Angelus, old man, welcome home," Spike said, coming down the stairs with Xander and Oz directly behind him.

"Hello Spike, Xander, Oz. I have something you might be interested in," Angel said, passing the idol to Spike.

Xander grabbed it out of Spike's hands. "Cool! Can I keep it?"

"Now, Xander. You know it is impolite to grab things out of peoples hands. I want all of you to share the idol. It shouldn't be too hard, seeing as you all live in the same bedroom," Angel said.

"Angelus, that's something I wanted to talk to you about. Seeing as I'm the oldest here, not including you because you're shacking up with the Slayer, what do you say if I move into the attic? It's only got one small window that can be easily covered up," Spike said.

"Hmm. Good question, Spike. Buffy and I will talk it over after dinner. Speaking of which..."

"Guys! Supper-time," Giles yelled, coming out of the kitchen. "Get it while it's hot!"

"Are we having pork chops and applesauce?" Xander asked as he, Spike, Oz, Buffy and Angel sat down.

"No, Xander. Not tonight," Giles replied bringing food in from the kitchen.

Cordelia, Willow and Drucilla joined the group at the table.

"Hey Angel!" Willow said, sitting at her seat.

"Do any of you think it's strange that we are eating supper at 4:00 in the morning?" Cordelia asked, brushing her hair.

"Cordelia, don't brush your hair at the table," Buffy admonished.

"But Buffy, if I don't brush it at least 100 times, I'll look like you!" Cordelia whined.

"Cordy, you heard Buffy," Angel said. "Enough."

Cordelia pouted, but put the brush aside and began to eat.


Part Two


Thump. Thump. Thump.

"Oz, Xander, you know what Angel and Buffy said. No playing basketball in the house," Spike said from his position on his bed. He was examining the idol Angel had brought them.

"Yeah, but they're not home," Oz replied, dodging Xander.

Spike stood up and tossed the idol to Xander, then proceeded to steal the ball away from Oz.

"Over here! Pass it over here!" Xander said, putting the idol in his pocket.

Spike passed the ball to Xander. Xander dribbled it for a moment, then passed it back to Spike. At least, that was the plan.

"Look out!" Oz yelled, as the ball bounced out the door.

The trio ran out of the room in time to see the ball bounce down the stairs and over the side, smashing a vase, before hitting Cordelia in the face.

"Ow! My nose!" Cordelia yelled, holding her injured nose.

"Great! Now how are we going to cover this up. It's not like we can just glue the vase together." Spike said.

"Hey! What about my nose!" Cordelia whined. She ran into the kitchen. "Giles!"

Drucilla walked into the living room from the kitchen. "Has any of you seen Miss Edith?" she asked. "She seems to be missing."

"Sorry, Dru. Haven't seen her," the boys answered, picking up the pieces to the vase.

"I'll help you look, Drucilla," Oz said, taking the female vampire by the hand. "Now, where did you last see her."

"I was playing tea with her in the study," Drucilla said, as they moved off.

"You know what, Spike! I can blame the vase breaking on bad luck, using this idol Angel gave us. I can say that it is cursed!" Xander said excitedly.

Spike just rolled his eyes.

In the kitchen, Giles was putting a steak over Cordelia's nose. "Now just hold it there until the swelling goes down," Giles said.

"Now what am I going to do? I have a date to the dance with Davy Jones of the Monkees, seeing I'm his biggest fan and president of his fan club," Cordelia said from under the hunk of meat.

"He should like you for who you are, not for what you look like," Angel said entering the kitchen with Buffy from the back yard. Willow was with them.

"But Angel," Cordelia whined. "My face!"

"Cordelia, Cordelia, Cordelia! That's all anyone cares about around here!" Willow yelled and stomped out of the room.

"What was that all about?" Angel asked.

Oz and Drucilla entered the kitchen. "That was a bad doggie. Stealing my Miss Edith. He'll have to be punished," Drucilla said.

"Now, Dru, you know Oz can't control himself when he's a werewolf," Angel said.

"But Angel..."

"Not another word, Drucilla."


Part Three


"Guys, I think I see a ghost out there," Willow said from her bed. She was looking out the window. She scratched herself.

"Where? I don't see anything," Cordelia said getting out of bed and moving to the window. She was also scratching.

"Why am I all itchy," Drucilla asked from her bed.

Suddenly, Cordelia screamed. "GHOST!"

The other two joined Cordelia in screaming and ran out of the room, scratching all the while.

"Angel! Buffy! Ghost!"

"What's wrong? What is it?" Buffy asked from the bed as the three girls burst into the bedroom.

"There's a ghost outside our room! And we're all itchy!" they said.

"I bet that the boys are behind this," Angel said, getting up. He went into the boys bedroom and saw them laughing. "Boys."

They turned to Angel as one, faces going red.

"We're sorry, Angel," Xander said, still laughing. "But it was so funny."

"I don't think itching powder and ghosts are very funny, Xander," Angel said folding his arms over his chest. "You are all grounded!"

"Aw, c'mon. It was only a joke," Spike said.

"And you, Spike, being the oldest, should know better than this. Tomorrow I'm taking you to work with me," Angel said, leaving.

Buffy got the girls cleaned up and joined Angel. "Snack?" she asked.

"Sure," Angel replied. They went down to the kitchen and caught Giles and Jenny sitting at the table, playing cards.

"Jenny? What are you doing here so late in the day?" Buffy asked.

"Oh, I had to drop an order from the butcher shop for Giles and we got to talking..." Jenny said, rising. "I have to be going anyway. See you tonight for bowling, Giles."

"Good-bye, Jenny," Giles said, clearing the table. "Can I get you anything?"

"That's ok, Giles. You just go on back to your dinky bedroom behind the laundry room. We can help ourselves," Buffy said.

"Ok. Goodnight, then."

"'Night, Giles."


Part Four


"Guess what gang!" Angel said, entering the house after another night's work. He saw everyone standing on the stairs. "The firm is sending me to a special night time opening at Disney World and everyone can go!"

They all cheered.

"Let's celebrate!" Willow said, doing her best imitation of geeker joy.

"Let's square dance!" Buffy said.

They quickly changed into their square dancing costumes and began to dance around the living room.

*****


On the way to Disney World, the Slayer's Bunch stopped in a deserted town to fuel up.

Oz got lost.

*****


"Run! Angel needs those papers before the clients leave!" Drucilla yelled, handing off the yellow tube to Xander and Willow.

They took off running and Willow's black wig fell off her head. "It's better to be me, anyway," she said.

"Ugh!" Xander said as he ran. "We shouldn't have eaten so much."


Part Five




Spike entered the house behind Angel, returning from his enforced work. "You can do it, Oz," he heard Willow say, standing close to the teen.

Oz carefully placed the final card on the pile. The House of Cards was complete. "Cool," Oz said in his unflappable way.

Spike jogged down the stairs and brushed by the masterpiece, knocking it to the floor.

"Darn," Oz said in the same unflappable way.

"Spike! I canít believe you just did that!" Willow said.

Spike didnít even pause.

Xander recorded the whole thing while hiding next to the couch.


*****


"Leave her alone, you big bully," Xander yelled at Larry.

"Drucilla is a loony, Drucilla is a loony," Larry teased.

Xander took a swing and connected with Larryís jaw. Larry went down and cracked his head on the sidewalk.

"Look at all the little birdies," Larry said in a sing-song voice. "They sing so pretty."


*****


"Theyíre having a big contest and the grand prize is $1,000!" Cordelia said. The four humans and two vampires who made up the Ďchildrení of the strange family conversed in the den.

"I was here first!" Xander said, sitting in front of the television.

"But my program is more important!" Willow argued, switching the station.

"I say we do it," Spike told Cordelia. "Iíve worked up some great songs."

"And Iíll take care of the costumes," Cordelia said with a predatory smile.


******


Sha na na na na na na na na, sha na na na na.
Sha na na na na na na na na, sha na na na na.

Autumn turns to winter, then winter turns to spring.
Itís not just the seasons, you know, it goes for everything.
Humans become vampires, then they attack their own.
Youíve got to take a lesson from our evil nature, and if you do youíll know.

When itís time to change, then itís time to change,
Show your fangs, go out with a bang, donít you see?
When itís time to change, youíve got to rearrange,
Sink your fangs into what youíre gonna eat.

Sha na na na na na na na na, sha na na na na.
Sha na na na na na na na na, sha na na na na.

During the day, itís hard to see the changes youíve been through.
As the sun sets, hunt like the rest, but donít let the Slayer catch you.
Every boys a vamp inside and a girlís a demon, too.
And if you want to feed as they bleed, hereís what you got to do.

When itís time to change, then itís time to change,
During the night, give the people a fright, donít let them flee.
When itís time to change, youíve got to rearrange,
Sink your fangs into what youíre gonna eat.

Sha na na na na na na na na, sha na na na na.
Sha na na na na na na na na, sha na na na na.

When itís time to change, youíve got to rearrange,
Sink your fangs into what youíre gonna be.

The End...or is it?

Want your favorite Brady Bunch episode added to the story? E-mail me