High Noon...Er, Five

"Do-do-do, do do do."

The town of Dresserland was barren, the Colognes and Concealors and all the other families having taken refuge in Jewelry Box Hall. A tumblecottonball blew across the empty street as if running to find a place to hide.

"Clink, clink, clink, clink."

The sound of spurs cut a swath through the silence. The families hidden in Jewelry Box Hall peered out nervously as the town clock began to strike high noon.

"Dong, dong, dong, dong, dong... oh, bugger it."

The families hidden in Jewelry Box Hall peered out nervously as the town clock finished striking five. A pink figure appeared in the west, his unblinking eyes landing on the grey figure that stood in the east. They stared at each other for several long seconds before they began to approach one another.

"Do-do-do, do do do."

The pink and grey fluff met in the center of Dresserland and turned their backs to one another. The families hidden in Jewelry Box Hall shook with fear until the Hall fell of the side of the world because they shook too much and they all died. The grey animal looked doefully at where the Hall had been, an expression of sadness on his cute face, but inside he was laughing with maniacal glee. He began to speak.

"I'm going to tell you the rules because I can speak and all you can do is oink. We take ten paces away from each other, then turn around firing, got it?"

The pink stuffed porker quaked in fear, but answered none-the-less.

"Oink."

The tumblecottonball blew across Dresserland again because the sky forgot to shut the window. Undaunted, the pig and the donkey squared off, then began their forward march to see who would be the ultimate survivor.

"One, two, three, four, fivesixseveneightnineten."

The pig spun as quickly as the fat fluffer could on its stubby legs, but the donkey was quicker. With a savage roar, the grey mass pounced on the oinker and began choking the stuffed-life out of him.

"Diediediediediediediediedie."

The pink one squirmed and wiggled and squealed, well, like a pig, but it was no use. The donkey was too strong. With a dying puff of dust, the pig let out a few final words.

"Bury me with the Slayer's knickers."

And then Mr. Gordo died. Eeyore jumped on the dead stuffed animal several more times just to make sure he was really dead, and then a few more times because it was fun.

"Goodbye, mate. It's been a joy. But this dresser is only big enough for one of us, and that one is me."

The donkey pushed the body of the pig to the edge of Dresserland and over into the Knicker Drawer of Hell. Eeyore watched as Mr. Gordo landed in the fiery pits of black and red lace, bounced once and was still. A second later, the grey stuffed fluffer threw himself over the edge, because Hell looked like a really sexy place to be.

"Do-do-do, do do do."

The sounds of grunting and braying filled Hell as Mr. Gordo came back to life and sixty-nine'd Eeyore. Soon, the grey donkey was shagging the pink pigs piggy brains out-

"Spike, what are you doing?"

Spike slammed the dresser drawer shut and growled when he caught his fingers. He reopened the drawer, pulled out his fingers and shut it again. He gave the blond woman glaring at him an innocent look.

"Er..."

End