He Hated It

by Saber ShadowKitten
Nightdreams Alternative 28

Spike hated therapy.

He hated it.

Hated it, hated it, hated it, hated it, hated it, hated it, hated it, hated it.

He felt like a total wanker every time he went. The first hour was spent relearning all the things he should have known, like his colors and numbers. The second two hours were spent trying to get his useless legs to work.

He hated it.

He'd overheard Buffy and Dad talking about putting him on anti-depression pills. Paxil or something like that. He didn't know why they'd want to do that. It wasn't as if he tried to off himself every daily.

It was every other daily.

He hadn't succeeded. Witness him not walking still.

What was worse than not walking was the feeling of uselessness that surrounded him all the time. He hated being stuck in the wheelchair. He hated having to rely on Dad and Buffy. He hated the fact that he loved little Buffy and could do nothing but sat like a lump of useless dead parts.

He hated it.

He knew she didn't really love him back. Not like he be. What good was he to her? She didn't drive, so using him to get a good parking lot was out. He couldn't patrol with her. He couldn't take her to the club she liked to go to. He couldn't even kiss her unless he asked for her to bend down or come close enough for him to grab her.

He hated it.

Every fucking daily he hated it more and more.

The only reason he got up in the evening was the chance that he'd be successful in killing himself that night.

End 1