sex, lies and sonograms

by Saber ShadowKitten
PG-13 Version

Part One

January 19, 1998

"Don't," Buffy said, putting her finger up to Angel's lips. "Just kiss me."

Angel swallowed heavily, then pulled her into a breath-taking kiss. The shirt she was holding fell from her hands as she wrapped her arms around his neck, moving until she was snuggled into his lap on the bed. Angel let his hands run up and down her bare back, causing her to shiver not from the cold, but from desire.

He shifted, pulling her down onto the bed beside him as he began to kiss down the column of her throat. He nipped and licked her soft skin as she ran her hands through his hair.

Continuing down her body, he removed her pants and panties and dropped them to the floor before standing and removing his own clothing. Then he laid beside her and captured her mouth in a passionate kiss, their bodies pressed together intimately....

Afterward, he tucked her small, sleeping body into the crook of his arm, a feeling of complete peace and happiness stealing over him.


May 1, 1998

Buffy slowly walked into the mansion two hours after the sun had risen. Stake in hand, she cautiously shut the door partway behind her and crept forward. "So, this is your new hideaway, Angel," she said under her breath, her eyes darting around the main room. "A step way up from the factory."

As she came to the center of the room, she paused, looking uncertainly at the halls and other doorways. "Where would you be, huh? Probably in the biggest bedroom," she said.

"He is."

Buffy whirled around to see Spike sitting in his wheelchair. She raised her stake and in response, he arched his scarred brow. "Planning on using that on me, pet?"

"If I have to," Buffy replied, her voice still hushed. "But I'd prefer to use it on Angel."

"Ah, yes, your lovely, psychotic boyfriend," Spike said.

"He's not my boyfriend," she spat. Then to her embarrassment, tears welled in her eyes. She grit her teeth and forced them back. "Tell me where he is, so I can stake him and be done with it."

"It won't work, Slayer," he told her.

"And why not? Wood, heart, poof. That's how it works."

"He's not alone."

Buffy was confused at first, then she saw the tick in his cheek. "Drusilla."

"Yeah," Spike ground out. "Much as I'd like you to kill that bastard, with Dru in there, you won't stand a chance."

"Overconfident in your girlfriend much? Oh, I guess she's not your girl anymore, she's Angel's ho. My bad."

Spike suddenly stood and walked over to her four, quick steps. Buffy's eyes widened and she stumbled backwards as he latched onto her upper arm. "Don't talk about her like that," he growled.

"Why not? It's true, isn't it?" Buffy said, swallowing her fear and striking out with her words. As quickly as Spike grabbed her, he dropped her arm and stepped back, a painful look on his face.

"I hate him."

The words were barely above a whisper, but the venom behind them struck Buffy deep within her own heart, where the memory of her Angel was kept. "I hate him, too," she said. "Which is why I'm here. I'm going to finish it like I should have before..."

Spike turned away from her so she couldn't see his emotions, which were written clearly across his face. He started to pace. "It's not going to happen today, Slayer. Not with Dru in there. I think we need a plan of some sort."


"Yes, we. As in you an' me, pet. I think if we can take him by surpri-" His words cut off suddenly as he stumbled, his legs collapsing under him. "Bloody hell," he cursed, catching himself on the edge of a couch.

Despite the possibility of death, she was at his side in an instant, taking his arm over her shoulder and helping him back to the wheelchair. "I don't think it's going to happen, Spike," she told him.

"These stupid, fucking legs," he growled, then glared at her. "It's all your fault."

"Don't care," Buffy said, going behind him to take the handles of the chair. "Where to?"


"Well, I want to finished discussing this plan of yours," she replied. "And I'd prefer we not be somewhere so open."

Spike grabbed the wheels and began pushing himself down the hallway with a curt, "Follow me." He nudged open his bedroom door with his foot, then wheeled inside. Buffy followed him and firmly shut and locked the door behind her. The vampire went over to the bed and then levered himself out of the chair and onto the edge of it. "Fuck."

"Still hurts?" Buffy asked, glancing around the bedroom with a curious eye. It was definitely a room occupied by a single person. Drusilla must have left him for Angel awhile ago. The tears sprang up in her eyes again at the thought of him and she clutched the stake still in her hand until the wood splintered with a loud crack.

"Slayer?" Spike said, his voice quiet and almost concerned.

"I almost had him back," she whispered, more to herself than to him. The tears began to fall unheeded down her cheeks. "We were at the school. Those ghosts..., I got to hold him. Kiss him. He was Angel again..." She dropped the splintered stake and put her hands over her face as the sobs came.

Spike had no clue what prompted him to stand on his still shaky legs and go over to her, nor why he gently led her back over to the bed and sat down, then pulled her onto his lap. Perhaps it was because she was in the same amount of pain he was in over Drusilla's unfaithfulness. Holding her smaller body in his arms as she cried on his shoulder broke the emotional dam he had built to protect himself from Dru's actions, and he felt his own tears fall slowly down his cheeks as he rocked slightly back and forth.

Buffy's sobs eventually tapered off and they sat there in silence, drawing comfort from a mortal enemy. Slowly, she raised her face from his shoulder and looked at him. She saw the pain etched on his face, the tear tracks, and she knew that they needed each other. And for more than just bringing an end to Angel.

Without a word, she leaned forward and pressed her lips to his, closing her eyes against the pain and the misery that enshrouded her life. She felt his arms tighten around her as the kiss deepened, the salty taste of their tears mingling in. She toed her shoes off, then twisted so she was able to put her arms around him.

He stood suddenly and turned to lay her back on the bed, half-covering her body as he joined her. Their lips never parted as he kicked off his own shoes, his hand running up under her top to caress her skin.

Her hands wove into his peroxide-blond hair, holding him to her as she arched into his touch. He broke away from her mouth and began kissing down her jawline to her ear. Nibbling it softly caused her to thrust her hips up at the unexpected shiver that ran down her body.

Spike pushed himself up to look at her, his fingers still caressing her. He read the need to shove the thoughts and pain away in her eyes, reflecting what he was feeling. "Just for today, Slayer," he said quietly. "We won't be enemies."

"Just for today," Buffy repeated.

He stood again and pulled her into a sitting position. He removed her shirt and bra, then gently pushed her back onto the bed and removed the rest of her clothing. As he stripped out of his own T-shirt and jeans, she removed the small, cross necklace that adorned her neck. He took it by the chain and set it on the night stand, then joined her on the bed.

Hands that had thrown punches now caressed; tongues that had formed hateful words now danced together in harmony.

For minutes or hours, neither cared how long they lay together, engaging in the rhythm that never changed throughout history. And afterward, they held each other as they calmed, drawing the strength they each would need to face the upcoming days.


"I'll come to you when it's time," Spike told her as he settled himself down in the wheelchair.

"I'll be ready," Buffy replied, lacing up her last shoe. She straightened and tugged on the bottom of her shirt. "Well, uh, get better fast, ok?"

"Will do, luv," he said.

She gave him a small smile, then went over to the door and unlocked it. After carefully sticking her head out and checking the hall, she looked back at him. "Bye, Spike," she said, then left.

"Goodbye, Buffy," Spike replied to the empty room. His eyes drifted over to the night stand where the small, cross necklace still lay.


May 26, 1998

"Hold right there!" Buffy spun and faced the cop who exited the car, his gun drawn. "Put your hands on your head! Do it!" he ordered. Slowly, she raised her hands, wondering how she was going to get out of this one.

Suddenly, the gun is kicked from his hand, then he is kicked in the face before being thrown hard against the hood of the car, knocking him unconscious. She stared, wide-eyed, at her rescuer. "Hello, cutie," Spike said, smiling at her.

"Spike," Buffy said, not returning the smile. "What do you want?"

His smile disappeared. "It's time."


"I love you," Buffy whispered, holding Angel close.

"I love you," Angel echoed, kissing her shoulder.

Buffy pulled away, tears blurring her vision. "Close your eyes." Angel looked at her a moment, then did as she asked. She kissed him lovingly, then stepped back and thrust the sword through his chest.

"Buffy," he gasped, reaching out for her.

She watched as Acathala sucked her love, who had just gotten his soul back, into Hell.

Part Two

August 31, 1998

Buffy wiped her mouth with a piece of toilet paper, then threw it into the toilet and flushed. She stood and looked at her haggard appearance in the small mirror above the chipped sink. Turning on the water, she rinsed the bile from her mouth, then grabbed her toothbrush. "Being pregnant sucks," she told herself before shoving the brush in her mouth.

The hot August weather seeped into the run down apartment in Los Angeles where ‘Anne' lived as Buffy threw on her waitress uniform and grabbed her bag. Trekking down the stairs and out onto the streets, she headed to the diner where she worked.

"Hey, Anne," another waitress greeted. "Can you get table five?"

"Sure," Buffy replied, sliding her bag in her locker and slamming it shut. She took out her pad and pen and went towards table five. "You guys ready?"

"Yeah. I think we're good. Um...Anne."

Buffy glanced at the boy, then back at her pad. "What'll you have?"

"Well, ok...What can we get with this?" the boy asked, dumping a pile of change on the table.

"Can we get cake?" the blond girl next to him asked.

"Don't be stupid. We gotta eat healthy. We can't have cake," he told her. He looked back to Buffy. "Can we get pie?"

"We've got a peach pie," Buffy replied. "I can't guarantee there's a peach in it."

"Hey, do I know you?" the girl asked.

"I don't think so," Buffy said, looking away.

"Really? Where're you from?"

"I'll get your pie," Buffy quickly said and walked away. She put in their order and called over to the other waitress. "I'm not feeling to great. Do you think you can cover for me?"

"Sure," the waitress answered.



Buffy walked down the street back to her apartment, her stomach begging her to fill it. *Let's see, you get Spaghettio's or Raviolio's, baby,* she thought.


*Or there might be some left over tuna,* she thought. *Although it could be kinda icky.*


Buffy stopped and turned when she heard her name being called. She saw the girl she recognized from the diner.

"Don't be mad," she said, catching up. "I won't turn you in or nothing. I guess you don't recognize me. I mean from before. I was calling myself Chantarelle then. I used to...Well, I was in this cult that worshiped vampires. So lame, I know."

"Yeah, I, uh, remember," Buffy replied, placing her back in her mind with the events surrounding the death of her friend, Ford.

" kinda saved us. I never thanked you or anything," Lily said.

"Did you tell anyone who I was?"

"Oh, no! Not even Rickie. I mean, I was so surprised to see you here, waiting tables...but I wouldn't tell. I know how it is when you gotta get lost," she replied.


"Who are you?"

"No one."

"Who are you?"

"No one."

"Who are you?"

Buffy looked up and smiled cheerfully. "I'm Buffy, the pissed-off pregnant Vampire Slayer. And you are?"


September 5, 1998

Her mom stood on the other side of the doorway, staring at her with a look of disbelief and shock. "Oh Buffy," she said, pulling her into a hug.

"I'm sorry, mom," Buffy whispered.

"No, baby, I'm sorry," Joyce said. "I shouldn't have said what I did." She took a step away and ushered Buffy into the house. "Let me take a look at you."

"Mom," she protested good-naturedly, smoothing down the loose shirt over her slightly swollen belly. "I'm ok. Although I could use some food. And about a gallon of juice."

Joyce smiled. "I think I can whip something up." She led her daughter towards the kitchen, then paused in the doorway to give her another hug. "I missed you."

"I missed you, too, mom," Buffy replied with tears in her eyes. "I missed you, too."


October 13, 1998

"Buffy, banned from campus, but not from our hearts, how are you and what's for lunch?" Xander asked as he, Willow, Oz and Cordelia joined the Slayer on the lawn across the street from the high school.

"Oh, I just threw a few things together," Buffy said, popping another tid-bit of food into her mouth.

"When did you become Martha Stewart?" Cordelia asked.

"First of all, Martha Stewart knows jack about hand-cut prosciutto," Buffy stated, passing out bottles of water.

"I don't believe she slays, either," Xander said.

"Oh, I hear she can, but she doesn't like to," Oz commented.

"Second of all," Buffy continued. "Way too much free time on my hands since I got kicked out of school." She sat down and leaned back on her hands, her loose dress exposing her more pronounced belly. "Plus, I got to eat all the mistakes."

"And it shows, too," Cordelia tisked. "I recommend Abs of Steel, Buffy."

"Cordy's right, Buffy," Xander said, tossing a chip at her stomach. "You're looking a bit non- Xena-like."

Buffy blushed and sat up straight, tucking her legs under her. Luckily, Willow changed the subject. "Ooh, Scott Hope at eleven o'clock. He likes you. He wanted to ask you out last year, but you weren't ready then. But I think you're ready now, or-or at least in the state of pre- readiness to make conversation, or-or do that thing with your mouth that boys like." The Slayer stared at Willow in shock. "Oh! I didn't mean that bad thing with your mouth, I meant that little half-smile thing that you...Oz, you're suppose to stop me when I do that."

"I like when you do that," Oz told her.


"It's ok, I got it. You're, uh, Buffy, right? I'm Faith," Faith said, throwing a vampire into a fence.

"I'm gonna go out on a limb and say there's a new Slayer in town," Oz said as the group of friends watched the brunette fight.

"Can I borrow that?" Faith asked as she plucked the stake from Buffy's hand and slammed it into the vampire's chest. "Thanks, B. Couldn't have done it without you."


"God, I could eat a horse. Isn't it crazy how slayin' just always makes you hungry and horny?" Faith asked as she grabbed a muffin and began to eat it.

Willow, Oz, Xander and Cordelia all looked at Buffy. "Well, lately just sitting still makes me hungry and horny," Buffy replied.

"Buffy!" Willow gasped. Buffy gave her a shrug and a small smile.


October 21, 1998

"Angel?" Buffy gasped as she stared at the feral vampire snarling at her in the park. Angel tackled her and she fell heavily to the ground. She curled her arms around her stomach protectively and kicked out with her legs. Angel went flying back off of her.

Quickly, before he could recover, she spun and kicked him hard across the face, sending him to the ground where he slumped into unconsciousness.


Angel yanked hard on the chain around the boy's neck and a loud crack was heard. He looked up at Buffy, who was standing across the room with a fearful look on her face. Slowly, he walked towards her, his demon face melting into his more familiar, human one. "Buffy?"

Sinking to his knees, he wrapped his arms around her waist, laid his head on her extended stomach and started to cry. Buffy laid a hand on his shoulder and cried with him. Her Angel had returned.


"I'm pregnant."

Seven mouths dropped open in shock.

"P-P-Pregnant?" Giles said, removing his glasses to stare at the blond Slayer.

"You know, with child. A bun in the oven. Expecting," Buffy said, lifting up her loose T-shirt to expose her hard and swollen abdomen.

"Good going, B," Faith said with a chuckle.

"No wonder you look fat," Cordelia added. "And here I just thought that you didn't care that you looked like a skank anymore."

"Tact, Cordy," Xander said to his girlfriend. "Work on it."

"Why didn't you say anything?" Joyce asked, standing and then sitting down almost immediately.

"I was afraid to," she replied. "Very afraid. But now that I'm really showing, I figured I'd better say something."

"But why would you be afraid?" Willow said. "You know we would all help you."

"It's not fully human," Oz said quietly and with understanding.

"No," Buffy replied just as softly. "He's not."

Six mouths dropped open in shock.

Part Three

"My word," Giles gasped, sinking into a chair next to Joyce.

"What?" Joyce asked in disbelief.

"Oh man, B. Getting knocked up is one thing, but getting knocked up by the dead? That takes talent," Faith said.

"You Deadboy?!" Xander began.

"No," Buffy interrupted. "He's not Angel's."

Seven mouths dropped open once again in shock.

"But Angel's the only one you...oh!" Willow's eyes grew huge. "It wasn't Angel? Wait, how can it not be Angel? I thought that you had know, with Angel."

"God, Buffy, how many other vampires did you sleep with?" Cordelia said.

"Vampires?" Joyce said in the same soft, disbelieving voice.

"And you've been slaying all this time?" Giles asked out of the blue.

"So, is the proud papa still kicking?" Faith asked. "Or is he clogging up someone's vacuum?"

"Could you imagine if he spontaneously combusted while having sex?" Cordelia said thoughtfully. "That would be a downer."

"Wait, you still haven't told us who the fang boy is," Xander said. "Unless it's not a member of the bloodsucking species. It could be anything and fall under the ‘not fully human' category. Even Oz fits under that category." He glared at the werewolf. "It's not you, is it?"

Oz didn't dignify him with an answer.

"He's a vampire, and no, I don't think he's dust," Buffy replied to both Xander and Faith's questions.

"But I thought that vampires couldn' know, make babies," Willow said.

"Neither did I, Wills," Buffy replied. "Guess we were wrong."

"So, who's the unlucky stiff?" Faith asked with a grin.

"This is fascinating," Giles said, still in shock. "I'll have to...get my books." He didn't move.

"Buffy?" Joyce said, looking over at her daughter.

Buffy looked down at her shoes and took a deep breath as she wrapped her arms around her middle. "Spike," she answered. "Spike is the father."

"Woah," Oz commented.

"I say that about sums that up," Xander said.

"There's more," Buffy said.

"Ok, I guess it doesn't sum that up," Xander said.

"Angel...he's...he's back," she told them.

"Angel, the one you sent to Hell?" Joyce asked. Buffy nodded.

"Does he have his soul?" Willow inquired.

"Yeah, I think so," Buffy replied. "He's kinda not too with it. He helped me against Pete earlier tonight."

"You know, I think it's official," Xander said. "Our lives are one big rerun of Dark Shadows."

"Without Kate Jackson," Oz added.

"I think I need to sit down," Giles said.

"You are," Joyce told him.

"Oh," Giles replied. "Perhaps a drink would be better." He still didn't move.


November 17, 1998

"Giles!" Xander exclaimed, rushing into the office with Faith. He examined the Watcher's bleeding head wound with care. "Faith, call 9-1-1."

"Xander," Giles gasped. "Glove. Must destroy."

"It's ok, G-man, we're getting help. Don't talk," Xander said as Faith dialed the emergency number.

"Damn, who coulda done this?" Faith asked.

"Post," Giles breathed. "Gwen-Gwen-" He passed out.

"Oh man, this is not good," Xander said. "Faith, Angel's got the glove at the mansion. He won't be expecting her and Buffy says that he's still not up to par."

"I'm on it," Faith growled. She headed out the office door .


"Mrs. Post!" Faith yelled as she burst into the mansion. Angel spun, surprised at the intrusion, and growled at the brunette, but she ducked past him.

"Faith, stop him," Gwendolyn said. "Get the glove before he uses it."

"And to think, I kinda liked you," Faith said before she decked the Watcher across the jaw, rendering her unconscious. She looked up at the vampire. "Put your fangs away, Angel. She won't be going anywhere for awhile."

"What happened?" Buffy's voice carried over to them as she, Willow and Xander hurried into the mansion. The blond went over to Angel and laid her hand on his arm. "Are you ok?"

"Yeah," Angel replied. "I'm not too sure what's going on, though. This lady," he gestured to Gwendolyn. "Hit me with a shovel, then tried to stake me."

"She wanted the glove," Xander informed him. "Beaned Giles with a statue back at the library."

"Is he ok?" Angel asked.

"Yeah," Willow answered. "He's just got a big lump and a concussion. We got to the library after Buffy separated Lagos' head from the rest of him and they were wheeling him away as he protested with all his British feathers up."

"You beat Lagos?" Faith said, impressed. "Way to go, B."

"Well, I had to go to the bathroom and he was blocking the way," Buffy said. "Never get between a pregnant woman and her toilet."

"What do we do with her?" Xander asked as Angel took Buffy off to the side.

"Shackle her up, I guess," Faith answered. "Angel's got to have some chains around here somewhere."

"How are you doing?" Angel asked Buffy.

"We're fine, Angel," Buffy told him with a patient smile. He asked that same question every time he saw her ever since he'd learned she was pregnant. Of course, she hadn't told him who the father was, and that was something she adamantly insisted on everyone swearing to not tell him, either. It wasn't as if Spike was ever coming back to Sunnydale.


December 1, 1998

‘Welcome to Sunnydale' the sign read until the black De Soto plowed into it and squealed to a stop. The driver's side door opened and several bottles fell out of the car, breaking on the ground before a certain peroxide-blond vampire followed.

"Home, sweet home," Spike chuckled, then passed out on the ground.

Part Four

"Woah! It smells like church in here," Xander said as he entered the science lab. "No, wait...Evil church."

"It's just chemistry stuff. An experiment," Willow told him as she referred to the book in front of her.

"So you said when you called. Why do I have to be here?"

"It'll help you on the exam. You're way behind," she answered.

"But that's why you love me, right? Academically dangerous?" Xander said.

"Here," Willow said, handing him a feather. "Hold this."

"A feather. And who will I be tickling?" Xander ran the black feather along her cheek and Willow grinned, then scowled at him and shoved his hand away.

"Shush," she scolded. She looked at the book on the table again, then flicked the lighter. "Ok, bring mixture to a boil..."

"I assume this isn't going to make us late for our evening of bowling magic?" Xander asked.

"There's no magick," she said defensively. "I mean...bowling, yeah. Cordelia and Oz are going to meet us here later."

"Can we turn these light on?" he asked, gesturing to the darkened room as he walked to the other side of her. He looked down at the book and frowned. "Is that a spellbook?"

"No, no, no!" Willow denied. "Chemistry book."

"Wait a minute," he said. "This is love spell stuff! You're doing a love spell!"

"No! Of course not! This is a purely scientific..." Willow changed track as Xander picked up her spellbook knowingly. "De-lusting spell...for us. I thought it would go better if you didn't know."

"Are you nuts, or have you forgotten that I tend to have bad luck with these sorts of spells?" Xander said, raising his voice.

"But you said you wished that these feelings could just go away," she stated.

"Yeah, I wish for a lot of things! I told you I wished I was a fireman when we were in sixth grade, but you didn't follow through on that!"

"I can't do this anymore, Xander! I mean, this whole ‘us' thing is...bleagh!" Willow replied, making a face at him.

"So, do you really need to resort to the black arts to keep our hormones in check?!" Xander yelled.

"At this point, I'm thinking ‘no,'" she scowled.

"I'm going to get the lights," he told her, moving in that direction. "We need to clean this place up before they get here and start asking questions." He flicked the light switch up and glared at the redhead. Suddenly, an arm was wrapped around his neck and he was pulled back roughly against someone.

"I need to borrow the little girl," a familiar, British voice said from behind him.

"Oh goddess," Willow gasped. "Spike! Buffy's Spike. The one who wasn't suppose to come...oh goddess!"

Xander let his weight carry him to the floor as he relaxed his legs, then rolled forward out of the vampire's reach. Jumping to his feet, he faced the blond with Willow at his side. "What are you doing back here?"

Spike frowned at their lack of fear and cowering, his alcohol-laden brain not quite catching up with what was going on. "I want the Witch to cast a spell for me," he told them.

"A s-spell?" Willow said. "What kind of spell?"

"A love spell, what are you brain dead?" Spike growled.

Willow exchanged a glance with Xander, then shrugged. "Ok," she told him. "But we need to go to the library. That's where the book I need is at."

Spike jerked back in surprise at her easy acquiescence. "Well, ok then. Right. Lead on." He backed away from the door and they edged past him, heading quickly down the hall.

"Willow, Buffy's in the library," Xander hissed, keeping an eye on the vampire trailing behind them with staggering steps.

"That's why we're going there," Willow hissed back.

"What are you two whisperin' about?" Spike growled at them.

"Here we are," Willow announced instead of replying. She could see Buffy swinging a jump-rope around through the window, dressed in only a maternity sports bra and a pair of tap pants. Her stomach looked huge in the outfit, the beginning of her seventh month stretching her abdomen, but not in an unattractive manner. In fact, she looked better than ever.

Pushing the door open, Xander led the way inside. "Hey there, Buffy," he said in an overly-loud voice. "I'll give you three guesses who we ran into; and if you guess blond, undead and British, you're getting very hot."

Buffy froze, the jump rope clattering to the floor as Spike walked into the library. "Spike?" she gasped.

"Hello, Slayer," Spike said, surveying her from head to toe with a frown on his face. "Did you change something?"

The phone rang, startling her and she put a hand on her stomach as the baby kicked. She walked over to the phone and picked it up, still staring at the vampire in the doorway. Willow and Xander had moved to the other side of the table out of harms reach. "Hello?" Buffy said into the receiver.

"Buffy, are you still working out?" Joyce said from the other end of the line.


"Listen, sweety. I was hoping we could schedule time for a little college talk a little later," Joyce went on. "With the baby on the way, your choices are more limited but not-"

"Spike's here," Buffy interrupted.

Joyce paused. "Did you say Spike? As in, your Spike?"

"He's here. In the library. Looking at me funny," she confirmed, starting to breathe heavily. "Oh boy. I can't seem to catch my breath."

"Go sit down, honey, I'll be right over," her mother told her, then disconnected.

"Buffy?" Willow said in a worried voice.

Buffy dropped the phone in the cradle and then stumbled over to the table. She sat quickly, her hands gripping the edge of the table as the baby started doing the rhumba.

"Hey, Buff, your tummy's moving on its own," Xander pointed out.

"He's kicking," Buffy said in a small voice.

"Really?" Willow said, forgetting the fact that Spike was still standing over by the doors. She moved over to Buffy's side, her hand extended. "Can I?"

"Sure," she replied. "It's not like you haven't felt him do it already, and is he still there, Xander?"

"Yep," Xander said.

"Woah, hey, who's the hottie?" Faith asked as she entered the library through the stacks, starling everyone. She glanced down at Buffy. "What's the matter, B? You're not going into labor, are you? ‘Cuz there's sort of a nasty mess down at the vault and I kinda could use some ass-is- tance."

"Alright, Xander, where are you?" Cordelia said as she and Oz entered through the doors behind Spike. "I thought you told us to meet in the science lab, and is anyone else aware of the fact that Spike is standing here in the library?"

"He's kicking," Willow called over to Oz with a large grin on her face.

"Cool," Oz said, venturing over to his girlfriend after giving wide berth to the vampire.

"Yeah, Cordy, we know," Xander answered the brunette's question as she hurried away from Spike.

"That's Spike?" Faith said. "Wow, B, you sure know how to pick ‘em."

"ALRIGHT, THAT'S ENOUGH!" Spike suddenly shouted. All eyes shot to him except for Buffy's. "If I don't start gettin' my bloody spell done, I'm gonna rip all your hearts out and eat them!"

"I don't think so, Spike," Angel growled from behind him. Spike spun around and met his sire's fist with his face, sending him down for the count.

"Way to go, Deadboy," Xander said.

"I have to admit, it was perfect timing," Oz added.

"Buffy, are you ok?" Angel asked, stepping over the unconscious vampire and hurrying to her side. "Your mom called and wanted me to get over here."

"Aren't you glad we got you that cell phone?" Willow said to him. "It was my idea."

"You have great ideas," Oz complimented her.

"Um, guys, hate to bust up this little soireee," Faith said. "But we kinda have a thing we need to do where we take our wooden stakes and shove them into vampires hearts."

"What do we do with Spike?" Cordelia asked. "We can't just leave him there, he clashes with the carpet."

"That's my girl," Xander said with fake pride.

"Will everyone just shut up for three seconds please?" Buffy said loudly. The room fell silent. "Thank you. Will - you, Xander, Cordy and Oz, go on your double bowling date."


"Go, before I rip your heart out and eat it," the blond Slayer told her.

"You heard the pissy, pregnant woman,"Xander said, taking Cordelia's hand. "Let's move ‘em out."

"Xander, you are so lame," Cordelia said as they headed for the door.

"Call me," Willow told Buffy before Oz dragged her away.

As soon as the door swung shut, she turned to Angel. "Angel, go help Faith," she said. When he went to protest, she added, "Don't make me threaten you, too."

"Alright," Angel replied, standing. "Do you want me to do anything with Spike before I go?"

"Nah, I got him," Buffy answered. She looked over at Faith. "Stay alive."

"Will do, B," Faith said as Angel joined her. "Come on, soul-boy. Let's go kick some undead booty."

Silence permeated the library after they left, leaving Buffy to sigh heavily. She glanced over at the downed blond vampire on the floor, then groaned and thumped her head on the table. "Why couldn't you just stay gone like you promised?"

Part Five

Buffy managed to drag the unconscious vampire into Giles' office and hoisted him onto a chair before her mother arrived. "Hi, honey," Joyce greeted as she came through the doors. "How are you doing?"

"Not good, mom," Buffy replied. "Why did he have to come back? He said he wouldn't."

"Maybe it's somebody's way of telling you that he has the right to know he's going to be a father," Joyce said, looking in on the blond vampire. "Why is he asleep?"

"Angel hit him," she answered.

Joyce tisked. "You really should teach that man some manners," she commented, moving into the office to start the hot water boiling. "You'd think that after 240 years plus another hundred in Hell would have done something about that."

"Well, Spike was threatening us...kinda," Buffy defended her ex-love. "And you're the one who called Angel to begin with. Why did you call him anyway?"

"In case we needed to get you to the hospital and Spike was in the way," Joyce answered.

"Sometimes, Mom, your logic escapes me."

"Now you know how I feel," Joyce quipped with a smile. She looked her daughter over from head to toe. "Don't you think you should put some clothes on?"

"And leave you here alone with sleeping beauty while I change? Nuh-uh," Buffy replied. Spike started to stir and she nodded at him. "See, he's up already. Time to find out why he's here and how we get him to go away again."

"But don't you want him to know about-"


"Bloody hell, I hate that git," Spike muttered as he came around. He pressed a hand to his head before opening his eyes. When he saw both Buffy and Joyce watching him expectantly, he cursed again. "I swear, my unlife is one big joke that someone is playing on me."

"Why are you back, Spike?" Buffy asked with a scowl.

He stared at Buffy as Joyce turned away to pour the hot water in a mug. "Slayer, you're a porker!"

Joyce cringed and Buffy fumed. "I am not fat, you bleached moron," she spat, her hands clenched into fists at her sides.

Spike gave her an incredulous look. "What, you don't own a mirror?"

"Spike, here," Joyce interrupted before Buffy staked her grandson's father. "Buffy, why don't you go put your workout things away."

"I'd much rather put a long piece of wood up his vampire...," Buffy mumbled as she left the office.

Spike watched her go, then turned to Joyce. "Maybe I shouldn't have drank that last bottle of scotch. I could swear that she's on the meaty side," he said, taking a sip of the hot chocolate.

"Spike, she's pregnant," Joyce said. She tried not to laugh as he choked.

"She's pregnant?!" Spike sputtered, his eyes huge. "With a baby?!"

"No, with a snake!" Buffy yelled from the other room.

"Yes, she's having a baby boy," Joyce answered as if Buffy hadn't yelled anything. "Do you want to see a picture?"

"A picture? How do you take a picture if the baby's inside her?" he asked with a confused frown.

Joyce dug through her purse and pulled out the sonogram photo. "Here he is," she said, showing it to him.

"Cor, will you look at that," he said, amazed. He set the mug down and took the picture from her. "That's the baby?"

"That's him" she confirmed. She smiled as he studied the picture intently.

"The Slayer doesn't still fight, does she?" Spike suddenly asked with a pensive look on his face.

"Unfortunately, she does," Joyce replied. "None of us can convince her not to, despite Faith and Angel being here."

"Well, you should have bloody well made her stop!" Spike snapped, although he was unsure of what he was upset about. "What does the wanker who knocked her up have to say about her endangerin' his baby's life night after night?"

"I...uh, guess he...doesn't like it," she hedged.

"What do you mean, you guess?" he said.

"Um, why are you back in Sunnydale, Spike?" Joyce asked instead.

Spike frowned at the change of subject. "I'm not sure," he answered. "Dru decided I wasn't demon enough for the likes of her. Caught her makin' out on a park bench with a chaos demon."

"Oh, I'm sorry," she said.

"Yeah. She said that she just wanted to be friends. Friends! Can you bloody believe that? After all I've done for her," he scowled.

"Maybe it's for the best," Joyce told him. "Buffy told me what happened with her and the soul- less Angel."

"Pillock," he muttered. His head shot over towards the door through which he could see Buffy sitting at the library table. "The baby's not that prick's, is he? ‘Cuz I know that Slayers are the only ones who can get pregnant by vampires. Something to do with what makes them the Chosen Ones, according to Dalton."

"No, Angel isn't the father," she replied, watching him closely to see if he realized what he just said.

"Good," Spike said. "That sod would make a friggin' awful father. Worse than my own."

"Is he leaving yet?" Buffy yelled from the other room.

"I'll leave when I bloody well want to!" Spike yelled back.

"Now would be good!"

"Excuse me, Joyce," he said, standing with the picture still in his hand. He walked into the main room and right up to the Slayer. "Pet, you are in no position to tell me when or where I go, got it?"

"Spike, this is fair warning," Buffy said sweetly. "Don't piss off a pregnant woman. You won't like what happens."

"And I'll give you the same warning, luv," Spike said in a low voice. "Don't piss me off. You won't like what happens."

"Listen, you worthless excuse for a demon," she growled, rising to her feet and poking at his chest with each of her next words. "I. Want. You. To. Leave. Before. I. Get. Really. Mad."

He grabbed her finger, brought it up to his lips, and kissed it. She snatched it away with a glare and he gave her a cocky grin. Sitting down partially on the edge of the table, he studied the picture again. "So, ducks, what are you gonna call the little bugger?"

"He's not a bugger, whatever the hell that is," she said, trying to get the picture from him. He held it away from her with the grin still on his face. "And it's none of your business what I name him."

"You don't have to be so hostile, Slayer," Spike said. "I was just making conversation."

"Well don't," Buffy replied, crossing her arms over her chest. "Just go away."




"What do you mean, ‘no'?"

"It's a simple word, pet," Spike said. "It's means the same thing in many, many different languages."

"Have I told you I violently disliked you lately?" Buffy asked.

"So, when's the baby coming?" he asked, examining the picture again. He looked over at her stomach, then at the picture, then back at her stomach. "Cor, this little guy is inside of you. That's bloody amazing."

The baby decided to start kicking once more right at that moment, and Spike's eyes widened comically. He leaned forward and stared intently at her stomach. "Spike, what are you doing?" Buffy scowled at him.

"It moved," he said. The baby kicked again. "See, right there."

She couldn't help the smile that crossed her face at the expression of wonder on his. Reaching forward, she took his hand and placed it over her swollen abdomen. Perhaps the baby knew Spike was his father, because he started to kick up a storm, making Spike snatch his hand away in shock.

Buffy giggled and grabbed his hand again, putting it back on her. "It's the baby, Spike," she told him. "He's kicking."

"That's bloody weird," Spike said, feeling the tiny child moving against his hand. "Does he do that often?"

"Depends," Buffy replied. "He's been kicking more since you got here than he has all week."

"Maybe he likes me," Spike said, puffing up his chest.

Buffy rolled her eyes. "Spike, nobody likes you."

"Hey now, that's not nice," he pouted.

"And you're Mr. Manners?"

He scowled at her. "Very funny, Slayer."

"Did you know you're the only one who calls me that on a regular basis?" Buffy asked out of the blue.

"What, Slayer?" Spike said. She nodded. "Well, that's who you are."

"No, that's what I do. My name is Buffy. Buffy Anne Summers."

"And I'm Peter Pan, and if we strangle Tink over there, I'll teach you to fly," Spike replied with a grin.

"Were you born this demented, or did it come with the demon?" Buffy said.

"One hundred percent, pure-bred dementia," Spike told her. "The demon is sane compared to the man in me."

"That I'd actually agree with you about," she teased.

"Ha, bloody, ha, pet," he replied.


"Now I think you're the one who's gone ‘round the bend'," Spike said, absently rubbing little circles on her stomach.

"Only ‘cuz you drove me in that ridiculous car," Buffy replied, unknowingly leaning closer to his touch.

"It's not a ridiculous car. It's a classic," he told her.

"Like you," she said.

"Right...hey! I think you just insulted me again!"

"Guilty," Buffy admitted with a smile. "But, then again, it's sooo easy."

"Watch it, luv, or I'll start to think that you like me," Spike warned.

"Gack! Ick! Phewie! Blech! Yuck! Eew! Blah! Nyagh!"

He glared at her and she burst into giggles. "Laugh it up, Slayer. Come on, get it all out of your system."

Joyce watched from the window of the office as the two once-enemies continued to tease each other, Spike's hand still on Buffy's stomach.