Okay, I admit it, I'm not the smoothest demon in the world. Sometimes...alright, most times, I
let my emotions get the better of me and I end up sounding like a blithering idiot. Doesn't mean
I am one, though. I know up from down, right from left, good from even better. Most of the
time I know when to cut my losses and run. Sometimes I'll even stick to a plan.
I should have said screw the plan.
Right, here's what happened. I had this plan. A really good one, too. Took me hours to think of
all the details. And once I had them memorized, I put my plan into action.
First step, recruitment.
Spike is an idiot.
You know, I think I shall clarify that even further. Spike is a brainless twit who wouldn't know
his bollocks from a set of table tennis balls. I tried to tell him that what he was planning would
only hurt in the long run, but he refused to listen to me.
I like Spike, in a he-was-an-evil-killer-now-he-helps-us kind of way. But this is a bad idea. A bad, bad idea. People could get hurt. One people in particular. This idea is not of the good thing.
Why won't he listen?
What is it with men and their inane attempts at fixing things? Men are pigs. They should just
learn to live with that fact. A dress in tight jeans if they're sexy.
Well, at least it's not Angel coming up from LA.
So, it took me longer than normal to get the help I needed. But I got it. With bribes of liquor,
magick, a free night at the Chippendales club, and an evil glare.
Then I moved onto the second part of my plan.
Get the girl.
Spike has to be the absolute strangest vampire I have ever met in my existence of vampire
He comes up to me and tells me I have to be at Giles' house at exactly 9:04 p.m. the next night.
Not a second sooner or later.
He is so weird. Why haven't I staked him yet?
Girl got. Wasn't too hard. Just gave her a flash of my smile and she swooned...
Okay, that's a lie. She threatened to stake me, but that's normal for us. I threaten, she threatens,
we fight, we threaten some more, we leave with the silent promise to do it again the following
Have I mentioned how soddin strange my unlife has turned out to be? Well, I won't bore you
with the details. Just believe me when I say it's very peculiar. Now, back to the plan.
Step three, get the mark.
I've sired a moron.
Why do I have to help the Root-wonder? It's not like I care about what happens in Sunnydale
anymore. Please. I have a life. Unlike some badly dressed vampires.
Step three...well, this was where everything started to fall apart. I once again was relying on
people other than myself to get things done. In this case, my Sire and a Beauty Queen.
I should have my head examined.
Yet, I gave them the benefit of the doubt that they'd do as I humbly threatened, and set about
getting ready for part four of my very good plan.
That went off without a hitch. Which led my to the next point in my plan -- checking the details.
My flat is cleaned, just as requested, and I have arranged to spend the evening elsewhere.
Buffy's clothes are all picked out and my alarm is set to get her ready in time.
Table is set and food is taken out of there little take-out boxes. I think I've just amused myself.
Stopped Anya from eating the take-out, locked up Giles' place again and passed key on to Spike.
Everything seemed to be in place and ready. All I had to do was wait for step seven to arrive.
Well, guess what? Step seven never arrived.
I tried to tell him.
Great, Angel's brooding. And it's all Spike's fault. Can't he just be a good evil vampire and
mind his own business?
Right. My plan really fell apart then. I was not happy. And I couldn't even kill anyone! It was
my own bloody fault for relying on the two idiots in LA for help. You want something done
right, you do it yourself.
And then part eight of my plan showed up right on time and I turned into that blithering idiot I
was talking about earlier.
I got to Giles' house at 9:04 exactly, thanks to Willow. I went inside and found Spike glowering
at the wall by the telephone. The table had been set for two, with covered dishes in the middle. I
looked at the table, looked at the vampire, looked back at the table, then asked him what was
You know, I could have lied to her. I could have pretended that I was madly in love with her and
this was a date. I could have told her that I was fixed and this was her last meal before I killed
But I didn't. Instead I told her the truth.
I kissed him. I kissed Spike. I, Buffy, the Vampire Slayer, kissed Spike, the Vampire. On the
It surprised the hell out of him.
It surprised the hell out of me.
Because we kissed again.
Oh, and what Spike tried to do was really, really sweet, after I translated what he was babbling on
about like an idiot.
Cor, she's a great kisser. I get all jelly-kneed just thinking about it. I mean, I always knew she
had fire. It shows when she fights and the way she protects her friends. But this fire...
She scorched me.
And I can't bloody wait to get burned again.
But first I need to take a trip to Los Angeles and see a man about his daughter.