A Pregnant Brassed Off Slayer: Interlude to A Child Conceived

by Saber ShadowKitten
Unexpected Storyline: Part 3

"There's nothing worse than a brassed off Slayer...except for a pregnant brassed off Slayer."
(A month by month account of Buffy's pregnancy)

September (month 2)

"Everyday, I toss my cookies over and over again, whether I have eaten something or not."

October (month 3)

"I'm pregnant."

"How…who…" Giles stammered, completely flustered.

"If you have to ask how, Giles, you are never going to make it with the opposite sex," Xander quipped, walking up to Buffy. "Congratulations."

"Yeah, Buffy, congrats." Everyone hugged her and touched her stomach. "So, how long have you been pregnant?" Willow asked.

"Since the night of the Blood Moon," Buffy replied.

"But how is that so? We were all at your mom's house and then left and…oh," Willow stopped. "Did Angel come back after we left?"

Buffy made a disgusting face. "No way! I wouldn't let him in my mother's house for a million dollars."

"Then who…" Giles asked. Buffy interrupted him. "You are not going to believe this one guys. Remember my last letter before I came back to town? About the man I was having problems with? He's the father."

"You mean, your young chap was at your house that night impreg…er…" Giles started to say.

"Yes, Giles. And he was present here in the library that night as well."

"We were all here, Buffy, and we didn't see anyone," Xander said.

"Except for Angel, Spike and Drucilla. And since we know it isn't Angel, and Drucilla, well, never mind about her," Willow said.

Cordelia raised her hand. "I know who it is. It's Spike!"

Xander looked at Cordelia with disbelief. "Great deduction, Sherlock. Would you like to say something a little less stupid?"

As Xander and Cordelia fought, Buffy went out into the hall. She returned a moment later dragging a reluctant Spike behind her.

"Um, guys, you all know Spike," Buffy began.

November (month 4)

"Spike! I'm hungry!" Buffy called from the bedroom.

"What, again?" Spike replied.

"Yeah, again. Will you make me something?"

"Don't I always."

December (month 5)

"Willow, it's horrible. My skirts don't fit anymore!" Buffy whined to her best friend over the phone.

"It's probably time to start shopping for maternity clothes, then," Willow said.

"Yeah! Shopping trip!"

January (month 6)

"Oof!" a vampire said as he was kicked in the gut.

"Take that, you...you...vamp!" Buffy yelled as she pummeled the vampire in question.

"Good comeback, Buffy," Xander said from the tombstone where he was seated.

"Eat me, Xander," Buffy retorted, staking the vamp.

"Hey!" Xander said.

"You try doing this while trying to protect the fifteen pounds of baby sticking out in front of you, giving you a killer back ache and making your ankles swell!"

"Umm. That's quite alright. I'll pass, thank you."

February (month 7)

"Spike. I'm in the mood for some mint chocolate chip ice cream and peanut butter. Get me some, will you?" Buffy asked her love.

"But, Tiger, the sun is shining..."

"I don't care!" Buffy shouted. "I want it now!"

March (month 8)

Smack. Thud. Grunt.

"Tiger, I'm sorry. I didn't mean..." Spike tried to say.

Crack. "Ow!" Snap. Crash.


"There's nothing worse than a brassed off Slayer...except for a pregnant brassed off Slayer." Spike told Giles one night.

April (month 9)

"I thought that pregnancy only lasted nine months," Spike said.

"Not. Doctor's just think that we can't add. Forty weeks equals ten months, not nine," Buffy replied. "The bastards."

May (month 10)

"Um...guys," Buffy said, one evening. Everybody, save Giles, had gathered at the Bronze for a little R & R. "I...uh...think I'm in labor."

"WHAT?!" Spike yelled. The people near to their table turned towards them.

"Oh, boy," Willow said. "We have to get you to the hospital."


"What?! What's wrong?" Spike asked, grabbing Buffy's hand.

"Ooo...it hurts, Spike," Buffy said, slowly relaxing from the last contraction. "Why did you do this to me?"

Spike brushed the wet hair out of her eyes and placed a kiss on her brow. "Sorry, Tiger."


"I want this out of me!!"

The End