Zoro blocked the attack on Toko, causing a swirl of dust from the dirt from his swift movement. The forced laughter from the citizens rose up. Toko’s father had been executed near where he stood. Zoro held Toko secure in his arms. There was another presence beside him.
When the dust cleared, Zoro saw Sanji for the first time in weeks, standing at his side, wearing a yellow and white striped kimono. He had a cigarette hanging from his lips. His blond hair was pulled up in a traditional Wano topknot. He was wearing an expression of surprise at seeing Zoro.
Guilt and self-loathing crashed into Zoro once again.
Zoro grabbed the emotions, boxed them up, shoved them deep. “I don’t have time for you, browgoro,” Zoro snarled.
Sanji looked shocked, then angry. “Right back at you, mossjuro.”
Zoro thrust Toko, the little girl he’d jumped in to rescue, at him. “Take her.”
“What?” Sanji caught Toko. “Don’t! Tonoyasu gave his life for this. You’re only going to…”
Zoro tuned out Sanji and attacked. “Two sword style: 720-pound phoenix!”
The energy behind his strikes flew toward Orochi, the Shogun, only to be blocked by his henchman Kyoshiro. Disgusted, Zoro scowled in Kyoshiro’s direction. Sanji started yelling again, but another of Orochi’s henchmen, Drake, became enraged and started rampaging in the capitol. Sanji sprang out of the way with Toko.
The street in the Flower Capital was filled with people who were weeping and smiling at the same time. Affected by SMILE, their laughter was filled with agony. Orochi had just executed Tonoyasu, Toko’s father. They couldn’t show their grief properly.
Zoro turned to Franky, who had joined them. “Cover my back.” Cover my back. Words Zoro should have been there to hear from someone else. No. Not now. The box lid closed tightly again and Zoro went after Kyroshiro.
They fought, neither gaining the advantage. Who was this guy?, Zoro thought. He was strong. Zoro needed to defeat him to get to Orochi. It was taking too long. Orochi was escaping. Sanji had better keep Toko safe.
The box tried to open a third time and Zoro snarled again. His next strike was sloppy, giving Kyroshiro an in that almost cut Zoro. He dodged out of the way. Infuriated with himself, he drew back defensively, giving himself a beat to reign in control. Kyroshiro pressed the advantage, but Zoro held him off.
Zoro’s observation haki warned him that Orochi was lining up a shot, this time at Hiyori. He took off running, abandoning the fight with Kyroshiro. Priorities shifted. He reached Hiyori and scooped her up. “How did you let them find you?!” he yelled at her as they ran.
“I’m sorry! I thought I hid my face!” Hiyori said, clinging to his arms.
Zoro growled but kept running, his white and green yukata snapping at his speed, striking down any enemies that got in his way. They headed out of the Flower Capital into the forest. Zoro didn’t stop until they reached the Enma Shrine. Once the final Oniwabanshu members pursuing them had been defeated, he and Hiyori regrouped. While they spoke, Zoro took the needed time to focus on suppressing the emotions he could not face right now. He had Orochi to deal with, Momonosuke to aid, and the upcoming Fire Festival raid - now was not the time to deal with his feelings about Sanji.
Wrapping the box of emotions in iron and chains in his mind, he got back to work.
The fighting was over. The raid was won. Wano was free. Momonosuke transformed into an adult and became the new Shogun. Zoro had recovered from his injuries, including the toll Enma had taken on him. A massive festival was held and Zoro enjoyed it with his newfound friends.
But the party did not last forever, and neither could Zoro’s iron hold on his emotions.
It was late. The crew was asleep in the various bedrooms of the suite they’d been given. Bamboo floors, shoji and byobu walls created the spaces. Cane chairs, low tables, and soft floor pillows furnished the main room. A large window overlooking the town graced one wall. They were high up, near the top floor of the building.
Zoro sat cross-legged on a square blue pillow in front of the window, elbow resting on the sill, gazing out over the sleeping town. Moonlight highlighted his green hair, the topknot shorn. He wore a green yukata with yellow circular patterns on it draped loosely around his still-bandaged form. His earrings clinked softly as he shifted. His three katanas leaned against the wall within reach.
Zoro sighed to himself, knowing he could not wait any longer. They were going to leave soon. He wasn’t the type to back down from a challenge anyway. He closed his eyes and finally let his boxed emotions free.
The tears came immediately. He wanted to fight them off, but he didn’t. They flowed freely from beneath his closed eyelids, itching down his cheeks. Guilt, grief, shame, and self-loathing accompanied them. Feelings he’d been carrying for weeks, since Luffy had filled him in after they’d met up again, during the trip up to the ruins of Oden’s Castle. The news had caused him to get swept off Komainu and get lost.
Getting lost on the ride had been a good thing, as it had given him time to process what Luffy had told him about Whole Cake Island.
Sanji had needed help. And Zoro hadn’t been there.
When Sanji had gone off on his own to deal with the wedding announcement and the family he’d been hiding from the crew, Zoro had believed, truly believed, that Sanji would be fine. Sanji was strong enough, capable enough, to fight his own battles. Zoro believed Sanji would either find a way to stop the wedding or come back with a bride. Not even the news that the Vinsmokes were warlords had caused Zoro to falter in his belief. Sanji would return, as he’d promised in his note and to Nami, Brook, and Chopper, and he would join them in doing more important things. He trusted Sanji, and believed in him.
But Sanji had needed help.
It wasn’t as if Zoro’s trust was misplaced. It was that he’d neglected to account for Sanji’s character when it came to helping others, even when they didn’t deserve it. Especially if they didn’t deserve it. Luffy had told Zoro that Sanji couldn’t let his family die at the hands of Big Mom, despite the terrible way he’d been treated by them. And he couldn’t save them alone.
Zoro hadn’t been there.
Self-loathing threatened to swallow Zoro, and he pressed his hand over his eyes. If Luffy hadn’t ignored Zoro, Sanji would likely be dead. He would‘ve died trying to save a family who didn’t love him and disappear forever to the family who loved him wholly and completely. And it would have been solely Zoro’s fault.
Guilt over what he’d done tightened like a noose around his neck. Grief for what almost was, wracked his core. Shame caused him to choke on the bile in his throat. Shame over his actions, or lack thereof.
Sanji had needed him, and he had let Sanji down.
Zoro bit his fist to prevent the sounds of his emotions escaping. He hiccoughed for breath, body rocking, head bowed to the windowsill. He couldn’t hold his feelings back as they were a detriment that needed to be excised. He had to go through this. He had to face his failure.
Zoro felt a person sink down beside him but he couldn’t stop the sobs shaking him. He could tell who it was, anyway, which made things worse. The shink of a lighter and the acrid smell of a cigarette confirmed it. Nothing was said. No hand of comfort was laid. He was simply there.
Unlike Zoro had been.
Zoro hadn’t thought he could feel any worse, but now he did. What was supposed to be a catharsis now felt like a trial, and he was found wanting in every way. He was a mess. He couldn’t breathe. His entire being screamed in anguish.
But all trials ended, including this one. The tears trickled off, the hiccoughing sobs stopped. His body felt like it had been through a wringer. He used his sleeve to wipe his face. A glass of water appeared at his knee. He murmured, “Thanks,” before drinking it down.
Finally, he raised his head and looked at Sanji.
Sanji no longer had a topknot, his blond hair mussed from earlier sleep. He wore a blue yukata with gold decorative trim. He sat cross-legged and barefooted on the bamboo floor beside Zoro. The cigarette he’d been smoking sat crushed out in the ashtray perched on the windowsill.
“You want to tell me?” Sanji inquired, his voice low, caring.
Zoro rubbed his hand over his face again, his eyes sticky. The one thing he didn’t feel was embarrassment. A true warrior dealt with his emotions so they did not become a burden or hamper his fighting. He needed this conversation with Sanji, too, though he would have preferred Sanji not to have witnessed his breakdown.
“I’m sorry.” Zoro’s own voice was shot when he finally spoke, the words pushed from a raw throat. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there.”
Sanji’s curled brow climbed in surprise. “When weren’t you– oh.” Realization crossed his features, highlighted by the moonlight coming through the window. “Luffy came, with the others. He explained what was going on. You didn’t need to be there.”
Zoro shook his head. “Yes, I did. I should have been there. You needed help.”
“Pft. I didn’t need anyone’s help, especially yours,” Sanji scoffed. “Not until the end, anyway. And I would’ve figured it out, had I been alone.”
“You would’ve been dead.”
Sanji winced. Zoro could tell he knew it to be the truth. “Luffy and the others were enough–”
“I told them not to help.”
Sanji drew back sharply. “What?”
Zoro lowered his eyes. “Luffy wanted to go after you immediately. I told him not to, that there were more important things happening than whatever small-time nonsense you were doing.”
Sanji was silent. Self-recrimination reared itself again inside Zoro, but he was too spent to be affected.
“Thank you.”
Zoro’s gaze jerked up at the soft words. He stared at Sanji incredulously. “‘Thank you’?!”
“For having faith in me.” Sanji turned his eyes to the window, a tightness visible in his reflection. “For thinking I was good enough as I was.”
Zoro studied him. There was more behind Sanji’s words than what he was hearing. “I’ve always thought you were good enough.” He was quick to add, “Not as good as me, of course.”
Sanji chuckled, but it was bitter-sounding. Zoro waited for an explanation. And when he got it, he was furious, with the Vinsmokes and even more so with himself for not being there. Luffy hadn’t told him any of this. His hands closed into fists. “I should’ve been there.”
Sanji shook his head. This time his soft laugh rang true. “Idiot marimo.”
Zoro fumed until Sanji laid a hand on his arm. He looked down at the long fingers that were so deft with a knife and created magic in the kitchen. “Don’t beat yourself up anymore,” Sanji told him.
The tension Zoro had been holding faded. He inhaled deeply and exhaled slowly. He knew what was left to do. He gave Sanji a solemn look. “I vow to be there for you - with you - until I draw my last breath.”
Sanji sucked in a sharp, shaky breath. “Zoro…”
Zoro put his darker, calloused hand over Sanji’s where it rested on his arm. “I mean it.”
“I know you do,” Sanji whispered, the color high in his cheeks. He swallowed thickly. “I won’t let your faith in me be for nothing.”
“It won’t be.” Zoro kept Sanji’s gaze, serious with his words. “You’re the only one who doubts you.”
Sanji turned his face away, and his other hand came up to dash at his eyes. “Maybe. Not anymore, though.”
“Good.” Zoro squeezed the top of Sanji’s hand. “Keep it that way. I don’t want to have to rescue you more than once in a battle.”
Sanji puffed up with irritation. “Excuse me, who had to rescue whom in our last fight? I recall you being bandaged top to toe midway through.”
“Tch. It was only a scratch.”
“One that Chopper needed a miracle cure to heal you!”
“Then it wasn’t you who rescued me, it was Chopper.”
Sanji sputtered, and Zoro laughed.
Moonlight highlighted the tear tracks on Zoro’s face, visible in the window’s reflection. His sleeve was still damp from mopping his snot. He didn’t care. Having emotions didn’t make him weak. What made him strong was facing them. And what truly mattered most was sitting beside him, granting him forgiveness.
He had needed Sanji, and Sanji was there for him.
And he would never let Sanji down again.
End