Sanji stepped into the crow’s nest, carrying sake and a jug of water. Zoro was on watch that night, which meant Sanji could finally catch him alone. Sanji had thought that Zoro might have sought him out after he’d recovered from his injuries on Wano. When he hadn’t, Sanji had gone looking for him, only to find he was always with someone. Zoro didn’t avoid people, but he also didn’t make it easy to get him alone. And this was a conversation they needed to have without other people around.
Franky had built the crow’s nest to double as a lookout and training room. The circular room had mullioned windows that opened in all directions. Wooden bench seating that had storage beneath it ran under the windows. There was a locker, weight lifting bench, and metal bars that held barbells. Various weighted dumbbells were stacked in a dedicated open cabinet. A telescope and binoculars stood at opposite windows. An ashtray balanced on the back of the bench. The floor was a metal carpet, the curved walls carved from Adam wood.
Sanji set the sake and water on a bench and unbuttoned his suit jacket. He glanced out the window. The sea was calm, the sky cloudless. The half-moon’s light reflected on the water’s surface. Stars studded the inky sky. No other ships could be seen.
Zoro finished his current bench press repetitions, sat up, and set the barbell on the floor. He used the towel draped over his knee to wipe his face. Sanji handed him the jug of water. “Thanks,” he said.
Sanji cracked a window and lit a cigarette. He watched the smoke dance in the faint breeze. The climate was pleasant. They’d left Wano Country two days ago, and the sailing had been smooth. The Straw Hat crew was alone for the first time in a month. Their alliances held, but everyone had gone their separate ways. The raid had been a success and the area was free from the tyranny of Kaidou and his allies. The Straw Hats had gained a new helmsman, Jinbe, and he fit in well. He reminded Sanji of Zoro in a way, stolid and honorable - not that Sanji would ever say it out loud.
Sanji took another drag on his cigarette. Zoro hadn’t said anything else, not even questioning why Sanji was there. Zoro’s stolidness could be a detriment at times. Then again, it was Sanji who needed to explain himself, not Zoro. He needed to apologize. He was the one who set aside his feelings for the man who meant as much to him as All Blue and asked Pudding to marry him. He would have gone through with the marriage, too. He had thought they were both trapped and he didn’t want Pudding to be unhappy. He knew he could be a good husband and she deserved a real marriage.
Then, he learned it was a ruse, that she had set him up to be killed along with the Vinsmoke family. She thought he was disgusting, a failure, and a disgrace. That his proposal, which he’d made with true intentions for her happiness, was laughable. It was at that moment that Sanji loathed himself, standing outside her suite in the rain. He’d given up everything - his crewmates, his love, and his dreams - to protect the man who’d taught him what a real family was like, and the one potential bright spot turned out to be a poisoned lure. And he’d fallen for it. She had been right: he was a disgusting disgrace.
He’d hated himself before that, for beating up Luffy, declaring that he didn’t want to be on the crew anymore, lying to his Captain to save both Zeff and Luffy’s lives. With Pudding’s words, that self-hatred coalesced into a darkness where Sanji contemplated removing a bracelet next to his head, ending his life right there. But he couldn’t let the Vinsmokes die, even if he despised them. He’d gone to his sister, to warn her and he learned that the bracelets he wore were fake. He wouldn’t have even been able to end his life. He was that much of a failure.
In the end, it was Luffy who had saved him, and Pudding, who’d had a change of heart. The Vinsmokes were alive, and they’d leave Zeff alone. Sanji’s father’s last words to him were a reminder of his being a failure, that he was soft and weak and flawed. The words stuck with him, even though he buried them deep. The planned raid in Wano required all his effort.
It turned out, he was more like the Vinsmokes than he wanted, his body changing to become like his brothers. It had scared him to the core. Although they’d been together since Amigasa Village, Sanji hadn’t spoken with Zoro alone, and there was a distance between them that Sanji had caused. Yet, Sanji had reached out to Zoro, knowing that Zoro would be the one person who would do what Sanji asked without hesitation. Sanji might get his wish to die.
Sanji’s mother’s sacrifice had saved him. He had kept his emotions despite the changes. The two weeks after the defeat of Kaidou, during which the crew spent recovering on Wano, had allowed Sanji time to realize that he wouldn’t become a monster. But the self-loathing lingered, centered around his inadequacies, and the fact that he had asked someone else to marry him and had meant it. Which was why he was in the crow’s nest. He needed to apologize to Zoro and accept the consequences.
Sanji tapped the ash from his cigarette into the ashtray. “Zoro–”
“Don’t,” Zoro interrupted. He was still seated on the weight bench. “Don’t apologize. You have nothing to be sorry about.”
Sanji should be surprised, but wasn’t. Zoro had always been able to tell what Sanji was thinking. “But–”
“No buts.” Zoro’s tone was firm. “You did what you had to do. You came back, like you said you would, and that’s all that matters.”
“I was going to get married!” Sanji got the words out before Zoro could interrupt again.
“Did you?”
“No, but–”
“Then forget it.” Zoro set his empty water jug on the floor and dropped the used towel on top of it.
“How can you say that, when we–” Sanji cut himself off this time as a thought came to him and he felt his heart shatter into pieces. Zoro didn’t love him anymore.
“Oi, stop that.” Zoro stood, strode over to Sanji, and grabbed him by the shoulders. “It’s fine.”
“Then why haven’t you talked to me?”
“I’m talking to you now.” Zoro went on before Sanji could make a comment. “You needed time to get your head together. I knew you’d come and find me when you were ready.”
Sanji shook his head. “I tried back in Wano, but you were always with people.”
“If you were really ready, you would have pulled me aside,” Zoro said, lowering his hands.
It was the truth. Sanji could have made the effort, but he hadn’t. He dashed the back of his hand over damp eyes and took another drag from his cigarette. He turned toward the window to blow the smoke outside. “I thought I had ruined things. I feel like I have. Like I shouldn’t be allowed–”
Zoro cut him off again. “Why were you going to get married?”
Sanji’s shoulders hunched. He kept his back to Zoro. “At first, it was because I had to, to protect Zeff and Luffy, Nami, Chopper and Brook. Then I wanted to do it to make Pudding happy. It wasn’t her fault that she’d gotten roped into it, or so I’d thought at the time.”
“So you put everyone else above yourself. How can you think I’d be mad at you about that? If anything, you should be mad at me.”
“What? Why?” Sanji turned toward Zoro. Zoro had walked away, to get the sake.
“Because I didn’t go after you.” Zoro pulled the cork from the bottle. “I didn’t even want Luffy to go after you since we were about to start a war. I thought you’d deal with it and be back. Luffy was the one who was worried, apparently for good reason. I wasn’t worried at all, which makes me question the hell out of myself. You’re the one who shouldn’t love me anymore.”
Sanji stared at Zoro’s back, as Zoro guzzled the sake. He didn't know that was what had happened. Zoro guarded his feelings, keeping them private sometimes even from Sanji. His admission was loaded with guilt and self-loathing - two emotions that Sanji was intimately familiar with now. What a pair they made.
Sanji turned to the window, taking another drag on his cigarette, giving Zoro’s words the weight they deserved. If Luffy hadn’t come, Sanji would have died for certain. And even though the darkness threatened to smother Sanji at times, he wouldn’t let Luffy’s efforts on his behalf be for nothing.
Zoro would normally let the silence linger, but this time he didn’t. “What you did was valiant. That’s the type of man you are, selfless and caring. One of the best I’ve ever met. What I did was abhorrent. I don’t deserve someone like you, not anymore.”
Sanji put his cigarette in the ashtray, crossed the room, and wrapped his arms around Zoro from behind. He held Zoro against his chest, resting his forehead against the back of Zoro’s neck. It gutted Sanji to know Zoro felt like this. He’d come up to the crow’s nest seeking absolution when it wasn’t him who needed it.
Zoro was stiff in his arms. “Cook–”
“Shut up, marimo. Let me love you.”
Zoro sagged against him as if his strings had been cut. They sank to the floor, and Sanji bracketed Zoro within the safety of his arms and bent knees. Zoro didn’t cry, but Sanji could feel the tremors of emotion shaking him. Sanji might be soft and weak and flawed, but he could protect Zoro, safeguard him from the outside world so he could be vulnerable. It was why they fit. Zoro made Sanji see what was important, and Sanji allowed Zoro to let go.
“I don’t have to still kill you, do I?” Zoro whispered in a rough voice. “I will, because you asked. But I will follow you once I’ve kept my promise to Kuina and helped Luffy achieve his dream.”
Sanji embraced Zoro tighter. “No. I think I’m going to be okay. These past two weeks have shown me that I have enough emotion in me for ten people.”
Zoro laid his arms over Sanji’s, leaning heavily against him. “I could have told you that.”
“I might not have listened,” Sanji admitted. “You even said that I needed time to get myself together. This was something I needed to figure out on my own. I’m still struggling with some of these emotions. My little side trip did a number on my head.”
“Is that what we’re gonna call it?” Zoro said with faint amusement.
“Eh. Better than ‘that time Sanji thought he could handle his past on his own, failed miserably, but was luckily rescued and returned to where he belonged.’ The other rolls off the tongue nicer,” Sanji said.
Zoro tilted his head back, so it rested against Sanji’s shoulder. “I’m sorry I didn’t come for you,” he murmured.
“And I’m sorry that you’re an idiot. Doesn’t stop me from loving you any less.”
Zoro chuckled weakly and squeezed Sanji’s arm. “I missed you.”
Sanji brushed a kiss against Zoro’s cheek. “Same. Let’s promise only to beat each other up, not ourselves anymore.”
Sanji could see Zoro’s smile. “Deal.”
“And I will promise not to get roped into marrying someone else,” Sanji added. He said it lightheartedly, but meant it.
Zoro was quiet a moment. Sanji couldn’t read him as well as Zoro could read Sanji. That stolidness at work. “I would, you know,” Zoro eventually said, almost too softly to hear.
“Would what?”
“Marry you.”
Sanji's heart stopped, then began slamming in his chest as if it might explode. He realized his words, marrying someone else, implied that he would marry Zoro, even though that’s not what he’d meant. But Zoro had answered, and a wellspring of emotion now choked Sanji’s throat.
“Not that we need to,” Zoro said when Sanji didn’t respond, lifting his head, shifting in Sanji’s hold, sounding exposed and vulnerable. “I’m good as we are.”
“Shut up. Just shut up,” Sanji said, hugging him tightly, keeping him in place. He buried his face in Zoro’s shoulder. “You can’t say something like that and then take it back.”
“Okay,” Zoro said tentatively. He still felt on edge.
Sanji gathered himself together, willing his heart to stop trying to beat out of his chest. He lifted his head again. “I love you, Zoro,” he said, whispering in Zoro’s ear. “I have loved you since Kumo almost took you, and I will love you until my last breath. Who else is going to fight with me, and annoy the piss out of me, and put up with my adoration of women?”
He felt Zoro take a shuddered breath, and went on, “I want you with me when I reach my dream, and I want to be there to patch you up when you reach yours. I almost lost that chance, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to let it go again.”
Sanji could feel Zoro relaxing by inches in his arms. “Okay, then.”
“Yeah.”
“When we get the chance, we’ll do it.”
Sanji smiled. He might still be troubled by what happened on Whole Cake Island, but he had a light to guide him through the darkness. “I might make you wear a suit again.”
“Hell, no! I’ve had enough of suits after Dressrosa.”
Sanji realized that had been the last time they were together, sneaking away for a brief assignation in the restroom at the restaurant the crew went to on Dressrosa. Even with the silly fake mustache, Zoro had looked hot in the suit. They had gotten separated soon after.
Zoro’s fingers began to run back and forth over Sanji’s forearm. As usual, he seemed to know what Sanji was thinking. “It’s been a while since Dressrosa.”
Sanji nipped at Zoro’s ear, and murmured, “Take off your clothes.”
Zoro’s breath stuttered, and then he was moving, shucking off his shirt, tugging at his boots. Sanji got up, removed his suit jacket, and laid it over Zoro’s weight bench. He removed his shoes, socks, tie, and shirt before going over to one of the storage compartments and rummaging through it for where they’d left the sex oil. When he turned around, Zoro was naked, aroused, and lying on a blanket he’d spread on the floor that’d he’d retrieved from the hidden storage.
Sanji wiped the blood from beneath his nose and hurried back to Zoro. While Sanji adored the female form, Zoro’s rugged masculinity never failed to turn him on. Especially because every inch belonged to Sanji. Zoro was his and his alone, never having been with anyone else. And Sanji had nearly lost this. It made him want to weep.
Instead, Sanji joined Zoro on the blanket, pressing him down, covering him. Sanji’s pelvis nestled between Zoro’s thighs, his unzipped trousers creating friction between their erections. Sanji kissed Zoro with all the pent up longing and emotion he felt for the other man, reminding them both that they were meant to be together. Sanji would never take it for granted again.
He used the oil and his fingers to open Zoro, stretching him, preparing him for Sanji. Sanji bit at Zoro’s jaw, his neck, and his chest, while Zoro writhed and dug his heels into the blanketed floor. Zoro panted, his skin flushed with pleasure from Sanji’s fingers alone. Sanji bit at a nipple, and Zoro made a choked sound of enjoyment from deep in his throat. Sanji didn’t hesitate to mark him where he could, claim him visibly, even though it would fade all too fast. Zoro’s hands clenched at Sanji’s shoulders, his hair, anything he could reach.
“Sanji…,” Zoro finally begged, which was what Sanji had been waiting for. Sanji pulled his fingers free, pushed his trousers down far enough to free his aching erection, and slathered himself with oil. He moved Zoro’s ankles to his shoulders and placed the tip of his slicked cock against Zoro’s hole. There was resistance at first, but Sanji pressed steadily until Zoro accepted him and he slid deep inside.
Sanji leaned forward, pushing Zoro’s legs back, bracing his hands on either side of Zoro’s shoulders. He kissed Zoro once, bruisingly hard, and then waited until Zoro met his gaze again. Only then did he begin to move, drawing his hips back and thrusting forward powerfully. He kept his eyes locked with Zoro’s, ensuring they both knew who each other was with, that it was him and Zoro. Zoro brought his hands up and wrapped them around the back of Sanji’s neck. His lips were parted, reddened from kissing. The pink sex-flush to his cheeks made him beautiful in a rough way. “You’re mine,” Sanji told him in a low, possessive tone.
“Yes.” Zoro’s response was simple, ragged, with a hint of adoration that sent Sanji wild. Sanji fucked Zoro hard, knowing he could take it, knowing he wanted it. Sanji’s hips slapped punishingly against Zoro’s ass, breaking him in the best way. Sanji’s knees dug into the blanket, bare toes gripping the floor, taking what was his, reminding himself that he hadn’t ruined this, that he could and should have this, that he wasn’t weak or soft or flawed because he loved.
Zoro’s hand slipped between them to jack himself and Sanji watched with hedonistic pleasure as Zoro shattered beneath him. Zoro threw his head back with an unmuffled cry in orgasm. Sanji nipped Zoro’s chin before slowing down his thrusts, wanting to keep Zoro here beneath him, with him, for longer. He pulled on his will, fighting off his own desire for release.
Zoro lowered his chin, his eye opening. Sex-caused sweat glistened on his skin. Sanji captured the gratified smile on Zoro’s lips with his own. He kissed Zoro, slowly and thoroughly. It had been too long since they’d last kissed, before tonight. He thrust unhurriedly, almost lazily, drawing his hips back until he was almost out of Zoro before sliding deep once more. He wanted to enjoy every single second of being with Zoro again.
“Sanji,” Zoro eventually breathed against Sanji’s lips, almost like a prayer, and it was Sanji’s undoing. Climax built at the base of his spine, his hips moving faster, thrusting harsher and harder until he crashed into orgasm. White out behind his tightly closed eyelids, the intensity shaking him.
He collapsed onto Zoro, burying his face in the crook of Zoro’s neck. Zoro’s knees were bent back far, his ankles still on Sanji’s shoulders, hips lifted off the ground. The position was almost perverse. Sanji didn’t move, though, and Zoro uttered no complaint. Zoro petted Sanji’s hair, his other arm thrown above his green head.
Sanji caught his breath and nipped a kiss on Zoro’s sweat-dampened neck. “You deserve this, Zoro,” he murmured against Zoro’s skin.
Zoro’s fingers tightened briefly in Sanji’s hair before the last bit of tension Sanji had still felt this entire time drained from him. “Thank you.”
Sanji kissed Zoro’s neck again before he reluctantly shifted up and off Zoro. He fixed his trousers and fetched the towel for Zoro. He glanced out the windows - Zoro was supposed to be on watch - but the seas still looked clear.
Zoro sat cross-legged on the blanket, love bites visible on his skin. He looked at ease for the first time since Sanji had met up with him again for more than a second, back in Amigasa Village. A small smile played on his lips. Sanji felt a fierce bolt of love and protectiveness. Nothing would take him from Zoro ever again.
“I’ll make us a snack,” Sanji said, drawing on his shirt.
“You’re coming back?” Zoro said, sounding surprised. “You’re not on watch.”
“Of course I’m coming back, nimrod. Someone needs to be looking out the windows instead of lifting weights.”
“I can do both.”
Sanji put on his socks and shoes, grabbed his suit coat, and stuffed his tie in his pocket. “Zoro, I’m going to fuck you again. Possibly more than once.”
“Oh.” A blush spread over Zoro’s cheeks, down his neck, and over his ears. “I knew that.”
Sanji grinned. Zoro was a terrible liar. He opened the hatch that led to the rigging. “Don’t get dressed.”
Zoro made a choking sound that made Sanji laugh.
Sanji descended from the crow’s nest and headed to the galley. They’d stocked up in Wano before they’d set sail. He’d baked up a storm yesterday and earlier today, trying to keep his mind off his troubles with Zoro. Now, Zoro occupied his thoughts for a different reason. He’d been afraid that he’d messed up and instead things had turned out better than he could’ve hoped for. They were still together, and even though Sanji’s mind liked to taunt him in his father’s voice, he was secure in Zoro’s love.
Sanji stumbled on the steps up the galley when it hit him again that he’d agreed to marry Zoro. “Holy fuck.” Sanji sat down quickly, his heart racing once again. “I’m going to marry that shithead.”
Sanji started laughing, because otherwise he might cry. There went his chances with his sweet Nami-san. The others knew about their relationship - it was hard to keep things secret on a ship - and would probably be joyful. But Sanji suddenly wanted to keep the news all to himself, to do it in secret just the two of them. His last wedding had been a gigantic affair, on display for everyone. He didn’t want that. This thing he had with Zoro was real, and lasting. He wanted it to be quiet and private, something only they shared. They could tell the crew afterward.
Sanji scrubbed a wrist over his eyes, stood up, and continued to the galley. He put together a basket of charcuterie and non-chocolate desserts. Zoro didn’t like chocolate, the heathen. He added another bottle of sake, wine, and a glass for himself. He decided to fetch an extra blanket, made a stop to freshen up, then reascended the rigging to the crow’s nest.
He found Zoro still naked at the top. And curling dumbbells, because of course he would be. Sanji didn’t think he could love this man any more.
The marriage took place in private, having sneaked away from the crew between one adventure and the next. They didn’t exchange rings because they didn’t need to, they knew to whom each other belonged. They eventually told the crew, who’d apparently had a bet. Brook won and he splurged on a new guitar, then proceeded to write ridiculous love songs about them with Franky’s help. Sanji only wrote one letter, and that was to Zeff. Zeff’s response: You’ve made this old man proud.
Sanji wasn’t a failure in the eyes of those who mattered.
End