Every night since leaving Wano – even the night they’d celebrated hard with the Giant Warrior Pirates after Lillith had awoken – the creak of the wooden bunk, followed by the pad of bare footsteps on the floor, and the double click of the men’s quarters door opening and closing again roused Zoro from slumber. He sighed, irritated that his sleep was interrupted again. He slept lightly as it was - someone needed to stay on alert while the others dreamed. He took naps during the day when the others were awake to guard him. Still, he did sleep at night when he was sure everyone was tucked into their bunks, save for the Straw Hat on watch. The fact that one person kept getting up repeatedly was annoying as hell.
Zoro rubbed his hand over his face and climbed out of bed. The wooden floor was cold beneath his bare feet. They were still in a winter climate, tied with the Giant Eirik as they sailed for Elbaph. Though they spent a chunk of their days with the Giant Warrior Pirates, at night they returned to their own bunks to sleep. Or at least most of them slept. Grumbling under his breath, Zoro went in search of the man who wasn’t staying in bed where he belonged.
Frigid air bit at Zoro’s skin as he left the men’s quarters. Heavy waves lashed at the Thousand Sunny’s keel. Above, the night sky played peek-a-boo between the thick clouds, sparkling with stars and a half-moon’s light. Zoro rubbed at the goosebumps scurrying up his arm as he trod across the main deck to the galley. He wore only sleep shorts, his chest bare. He carried his katanas in his other hand.
Zoro didn’t find a light on in the galley. He cut through Chopper’s infirmary to the back of the ship and climbed the ladder hatch. Maybe this was an upset stomach-type of thing. He’d check the main bathroom before anywhere else. Things on the Sunny sometimes moved on him and he really didn’t want to spend time wandering around searching for the stairs that had disappeared.
He lucked out. He didn’t even have to climb up to the bathroom. The sleepless wanderer was tucked into a window bay in the library, sitting on the back of the circular couch, knees drawn up. Moonlight peeked out between the clouds to cast a ghostly glow on blond hair and pale skin. A blanket was wrapped around his still form. He didn’t look over when Zoro came in, his head resting against the plate glass.
Zoro shut the ladder hatch and padded across the checkered floor. Nami’s survey desk stood in the center of the room. Maps and charting equipment littered the surface. A couple of chairs were bolted to the floor around it. Books filled the bookshelves that rose between the multiple mullioned windows. A cushioned couch ran the entire perimeter of the circular room. An ashtray rested on the seat beneath where Sanji sat. A crumpled, empty pack of cigarettes sat beside it.
Setting his katanas aside, Zoro climbed onto the back of the couch into the window nook. He leaned against the bookshelf, the wood rough against his bare back. Knees bent, he tucked his cold feet beneath the hem of Sanji’s blanket, bracketing Sanji’s own. It was chilly in the room.
Even though Zoro was annoyed, he didn’t say anything yet. He ran his gaze over Sanji’s face. Sanji looked wan and tired, with dark circles beneath his visible eye. Sanji continued to stare out at the ocean beyond the window. The blanket gaped in the front. Sanji wore long-sleeved night clothes in black with blue piping. No socks. Hands resting on his bent knees, he stroked his opposite wrist with his fingers.
“What do you want, marimo?” Sanji’s voice sounded tired, weary, when he finally spoke.
“I want to know why you keep getting up every night and interrupting my sleep.”
Sanji lifted a shoulder beneath the blanket. “Nightmares.”
Zoro hadn’t expected the straight, direct response. He had expected Sanji to deflect and start a fight. A fight might have tired Sanji out and he’d go back to bed. “Tch. Nightmares got you out of bed. What are you, a wimp? Roll over and go back to sleep.”
“Yeah. I’ll do that.” Sanji didn’t rise to the bait. He continued to stare out the window, head resting against the glass.
Zoro’s brow furrowed. “They can’t be that bad.”
Sanji barked a short, ugly laugh. “Right. Go back to bed, shit swordsman. I don’t want you here.”
“Tough shit.” Zoro folded his arms. “I’m not leaving.”
“Of course you’re not,” Sanji said the words between a curse and sigh. “Why should I get any peace?”
“You’re not letting me have any. Keep getting up, waking me up, night after night.”
Sanji’s response was snide. “Roll over and go back to sleep.”
“Can’t. I’m–” Worried, Zoro nearly said, but quickly changed it to, “–annoyed.”
“What else is new?” Sanji muttered. His bare feet bumped against Zoro’s as he shifted slightly to look down at his empty pack of cigarettes.
“Tell me what these nightmares are about, so I can tell you that you’re being stupid and we can go back to bed.”
Sanji’s lips flattened as he gave Zoro a cold look. “You wouldn’t understand.”
“I understand that you’re getting yourself worked up over some dumbass nightmares.” Zoro waved negligently. “They’re not real.”
“Don’t you think I know that?” Sanji snapped. He held up his hands. “My hands are right here. Zeff and the others are fine. My father and brothers are never going to mess with me again.”
Zoro frowned. “What’s this about your hands?” He sort-of knew about Zeff being in danger from Luffy, after they’d reunited. He’d mentioned it during their trip to Oden Castle near Okobore Town in Wano Country. Luffy’d also mentioned the Vinsmokes were assholes and was glad that Sanji never had to deal with them again.
Zoro had been irritated when Sanji had taken off a month and a half ago. It was incredibly shitty timing and about something dumb. He’d tried to stop Luffy from going after Sanji. Sanji had said he’d take care of it and then be back. Zoro’d trusted that Sanji would keep his word. There was no need to go after him. But Luffy had insisted, worried about Sanji after Pekoms had informed them what the Vinsmokes were like.
So Sanji had gone, Luffy had brought him back, they’d raided Onigashima, and now the full crew – plus a new member – was back together on the Sunny. They hadn’t been all together in the same small space since Zou. And while Zoro had noticed that Sanji smiled a bit too brightly, laughed a little too loudly, and seemed more desperate in his attempts to please the ladies, he’d chalked it up to them all being in close quarters once more. Luffy, Usopp, Chopper, and Franky had been acting crazier, Brook performed too much, and the girls disappeared together for extended periods of time. Everyone was getting used to each other again.
Zoro was getting an inkling that maybe he’d been wrong. That stuff had happened with Sanji that he knew nothing about. He didn’t like it.
Sanji blew out a tired breath. “It’s nothing. Go back to bed. I’m sick of hearing your voice.”
Zoro leaned forward and snatched Sanji’s wrists. He held them with iron fists when Sanji tried to yank them away.
“Let go of me!” Anger laced Sanji’s tone, but there was a tinge of something else. Something bordering on panic. He struggled against Zoro’s hold. The blanket fell off his shoulders to bunch behind his back.
“Relax, dumbass. I’m not going to hurt you.”
“You couldn’t even if you tried.” Sanji struggled more, but Zoro refused to release him. “Let go!”
“No.” Zoro scooted forward until his knees were bracketing Sanji’s, keeping those dangerous legs still. He knew Sanji could kick him in the balls if he wanted, but Zoro trusted that he wouldn’t stoop that low. Zoro held up Sanji’s hands in the cloud scattered moonlight coming through the window, examining them. They were strong hands, with long fingers and a myriad of small scars. The palms were rough and heavily calloused like Zoro’s own. Sanji stood on his hands as much as his feet when he fought. Sanji’s hands weren’t delicate, but they were precious to him. “Tell me about your hands.”
“Why can’t you leave me alone?”
Zoro gave him a measured look. “Because you’re nakama.”
Sanji whooshed out a breath as if he’d been punched in the gut. He jerked his gaze away, looking out the window again. “You don’t even like me.”
“Of course I don’t like you. You’re obnoxious and prissy and you fawn over women like some unhinged pervert,” Zoro said. “But you’re my obnoxious, prissy, unhinged pervert, and when something’s wrong I’m going to fix it.”
Zoro felt Sanji’s arms tremble beneath his grip. Sanji’s jaw tightened. Zoro could see moisture at the corner of his eye. “Damn you, marimo.”
“Tell me about your hands.”
Sanji rubbed his eyes against his shoulders, ducking his head as he did. He inhaled slowly and exhaled with a sigh. “My darling family put exploding bracelets around my wrists to keep me in check on Whole Cake Island. I keep having nightmares about them going off.” Sanji looked out the window again. “Which is ridiculous because they had Zeff. I wasn’t going to do anything to endanger him.”
Zoro remembered the way Sanji had been rubbing his wrist when he’d first come into the library. “That really happened? The bracelets?”
Sanji nodded. “But as you can see, my hands are still attached. Bracelets aren’t there. My sister replaced them with fake ones when I was unconscious.”
Zoro’s fingers tightened reflexively as a surge of protective anger went through him. “Why were you unconscious?”
“You’re going to cut off the circulation in my hands if you don’t let go,” Sanji said.
Zoro didn’t let go, but he did loosen his grip. He balanced his wrists on Sanji’s knees. “Why were you unconscious?” he repeated.
Sanji sighed again. “I got my ass handed to me by my brothers. Couldn’t fight back. They had Zeff and the others on the Baratie.”
Sanji was the type of man who would take a beating to protect someone else. They all were. It was why they were nakama. “But now they don’t. Zeff’s safe, they’re gone, you’re here. It’s been at least a month since you were on Whole Cake Island. Don’t tell me you’ve been having nightmares all this time.”
Sanji didn’t answer immediately, and Zoro grew concerned. “Cook…”
“No. Not the entire time. Off and on,” Sanji said. “They’ve gotten worse since Queen.”
Zoro didn’t recall Sanji having nightmares when they were together after the raid on Onigashima. Then again, Zoro had been unconscious for a week and they hadn’t slept in the same room afterward. Not until they were back on the Sunny.
Sanji curled and uncurled his fingers. “I almost did it, you know.”
“What?” Zoro loosened his grip even more, until he was barely holding on. Sanji rested his palms on Zoro’s wrists and looked at the backs of his hands.
“Pulled off the bracelets. Let my hands be destroyed. They had a failsafe that would explode if I tried to remove them.” Sanji’s voice dropped to a whisper. “I was going to, once I’d worked up the courage. But then my father threatened to remove Zeff’s head and it simply didn’t matter anymore.”
Zoro stared down at Sanji’s hands. Horror coated his throat as he imagined what it would look like if there were only stumps there. “That’s what you’re having nightmares about. That you’d gone through with it, only for it not to mean anything.”
Sanji didn’t answer, but he didn’t need to. He leaned his head against the window again and closed his eyes. “I don’t even think they can get blown off now. I don’t know. On Egghead, sometimes I got hurt, sometimes I didn’t, or I healed super-fast. I worry in the back of my mind that my emotions might still take a walk. It’s going to take me a while to sort this out. To be certain of myself again.”
Zoro rubbed his thumb along the side of Sanji’s wrist. “Well, figure it out faster. I’m tired of you waking me up.”
Sanji huffed a soft laugh. “So caring.”
“Hey, I care. Sometimes.” Zoro lifted his gaze to Sanji’s tired face. “When it matters.”
Sanji’s fingers tightened briefly around Zoro’s wrists. Zoro knew he’d heard the unspoken sentiment in the words. You matter. “Let’s go to bed, marimo. I’m out of smokes, anyway.”
Zoro agreed, and if they were slow to untangle their hands and legs, neither of them acknowledged it. Zoro picked up his katanas and Sanji wrapped the blanket around his shoulders. Together, they left the library and headed back to sleep.
And when Sanji had a nightmare again, Zoro brought an extra blanket with him. The library was chilly at night.
End