Usopp discovered that Zoro was in love with Sanji on a Monday.
They were up in the rigging, repairing a few lines, when Sanji's crooning tones floated up to them from the main deck. A glance down showed Sanji doing his usual schtick, carrying a tray of drinks and goodies for Nami and Robin, twirling and bowing. Usopp went back to his knotting as Zoro held the rope taut, not thinking much of it, until he heard softly, "Think the cook will ever give us treats?"
About to laugh at the joke – since they already knew the answer – Usopp turned his attention to Zoro standing beside him, but Zoro's attention was still on the deck. And oh – oh. The look on Zoro's face filled Usopp with warmth for his friend and broke his heart at the same time, because the love was right there for anyone to see.
Usopp looked down at Sanji, who was already spinning off toward the galley with hearts practically floating around him. "Maybe," Usopp lied, because that was what he did, even though he already knew the truth.
He went back to knotting, thinking about all the times Zoro had been there for him, even when he'd needed a kick in the ass.
"Would you ever consider a relationship with a guy?" Usopp asked as Sanji poured himself a sixth glass of wine.
They were at a tavern in a port town. Nami and Zoro were drinking strangers under the table for money, Brook was hosting a dance-off between Franky, Luffy, and Chopper, while Robin and Jinbe appeared to be having a staring contest.
Usopp had waited until Sanji was drunk enough not to kick his head in before asking. Usopp liked his head attached to his body.
Sanji stared at Usopp like he was calculating the exact trajectory needed to kick him through the wall. Then he clucked his tongue, tapped his wine glass, and sighed. "Usopp, I think of you like a brother. A real one, not that shitshow family I was actually born into."
Usopp squawked and held up his hands. "No, no, no. Not me. I'm definitely a brother. A good brother. A brother who does not have romantic feelings for you," he said quickly. He paused, then prodded, "But if some other guy – who is not me! – was interested in you..."
"No." Sanji screwed his face up. "Maybe. Shit. I don't know. Stop asking me stupid questions."
Usopp's brows climbed. "So it is a maybe?"
"Maybe I'm going to kick your head across this room if you don't shut up."
"Got it."
Sanji slugged back his wine and poured himself another glass. Usopp hid his crafty grin behind his own mug of half-drunk beer. He could work with maybe.
Usopp followed Zoro into the galley, being effusive with his praise. “Thank you for carrying that to my outside office. I appreciate it.”
Zoro grunted, adjusting his grip on the box of random heavy crap Usopp had grabbed to make the task convincing, and climbed the ladder to the upper deck without pause. Sanji barely glanced over from the prep counter, his knife rhythmically smacking against the cutting board.
“You know,” Usopp said oh-so-casually. “I used to think Zoro was scary, but he's really just a big marshmallow, isn't he? Always willing to lend a hand, or listen when you need an ear.”
The knife stopped mid-chop. Sanji's brow climbed so high, it disappeared into his hairline. “A marshmallow.”
“Yep! One of those ones you stick in a campfire. Hard and crusty on the outside, but ooey-gooey in the middle.”
“I’ll tell him you said that.”
Usopp gulped and laughed nervously. “No, no. You don’t have to do that.”
Sanji’s grin was devilish. “Oh, I think I do.”
Usopp thought about what Zoro might do after finding out, but then he realized Sanji would be the one who would call him that first, and maybe it wasn’t such a bad thing. They could bond over Usopp’s impending death. Usopp smiled weakly. “You are a cruel, evil man.”
Sanji twirled his cutting knife in his hand with a gleam in his eye. “Yep.”
Zoro stood in the middle of an intersection, holding a giant bag stuffed with packages on his back and several dangling from his arms. People flowed around him in the bustling market. Usopp watched, real time, as Zoro got lost no more than twenty feet from them.
"How does he not see us?" Usopp wondered aloud, watching as Zoro took two steps in the opposite direction, stopped, turned to his left, and took another step before stopping again.
"We're in his blind spot," Sanji said, not even looking up from the produce he was examining. "Don't worry about it. He usually doesn't wander too far when he's carrying shit."
Usopp shook his head as Zoro continued his confused rotation, packages swaying precariously. The swordsman glanced around with that particular furrow between his brows that meant he knew something was wrong but couldn't figure out what.
A guy around their age with carrot-colored hair and a face full of freckles stopped in front of Zoro. Usopp quickly elbowed Sanji. "Look!"
Sanji frowned at him, then turned to see what the fuss was about.
Freckles smiled up at Zoro and said in a loud voice, "Hey, handsome," before continuing on his way.
Perfect. Just like Usopp had paid for.
What he hadn't expected was for Zoro to turn bright red, packages nearly slipping from his grip as he stood there looking completely wrongfooted. The dangerous swordsman, the demon of the East Blue, reduced to shuffling his feet like a flustered teenager. It was utterly adorable. Usopp couldn't help himself. "This is so cute," he whispered.
"Oi, dumbass. We're right here," Sanji called out sharply, his hand tightening around the melon he'd been inspecting.
Zoro's head snapped toward them. He ambled over, still red-faced, not quite meeting anyone's eyes. Sanji scowled at him for a long moment, then turned back to the produce with more force than necessary, tossing vegetables into his basket.
Usopp bit the inside of his cheek to keep from grinning. Oh yeah. This was definitely working.
"You know, Zoro actually really cares about the crew," Usopp dropped one afternoon as he and Sanji hung the laundry on the line to dry.
Sanji snorted. "Are you going to call him a marshmallow again?"
"No." Usopp still had nightmares of Zoro's terrifying threat to roast him over a campfire if he ever used that word again. "But for as dense as he is, his emotions go deep. He just doesn't like to show it."
Sanji pinned a pair of pants to the line with more force than necessary. "That so."
"Like how he always takes night watch now, since we got back from our time apart." Usopp grabbed one of Nami's shirts, shaking it out. "So we can all get a good sleep. And he lets Chopper practice on him even when he doesn't need it."
From their vantage point on the upper deck, they could see Zoro holding Luffy's ankles so their captain could bob for fish off the side of the Sunny. The swordsman's head was tilted back, eye closed. Probably napping while doing it.
"He'll sit and listen to Franky's terrible poetry without complaining," Usopp continued, watching Sanji from the corner of his eye. "Holds up Nami's maps for hours while she works on the details. He really cares about us, you know? In his own way."
Sanji shifted the cigarette in his mouth, blowing out a puff of smoke. "Idiot'll also pretend he doesn't like it when someone on the crew invites him along to do something that's not pack-service related."
"Exactly!" Usopp tried not to sound too eager. "You get it. So if he acts like that with his nakama..." He let the thought trail off, reaching for another shirt. "Imagine how he'd be with the person he fell in love with."
Sanji didn't comment. When Usopp glanced over, the cook was staring in Zoro's direction, a furrow between his brows again. His hands had stilled on the laundry.
Usopp kept pinning clothes, hiding his grin behind a billowing shirt.
The feast ran well into the night, the locals eager to celebrate with the crew that had saved them. A bonfire blazed in the clearing, food and drink flowing freely, laughter and music filling the air between the tall pines.
Usopp sidled up to Sanji by the grill, offering him the second drink he'd brought. "Are you going to cook all night, like usual?"
Sanji's grin flashed bright as he turned meat skewers over the fire. "Maybe."
Usopp chuckled, then made a show of scanning the clearing. "Everyone seems to be enjoying themselves. Even Zoro hasn't run off to nap yet. Looks like he found a new friend."
Across the clearing, Zoro leaned against a log, talking animatedly with a local guy. Likely about swords, if the gestures were anything to go by. Both had their blades nearby – Zoro's three katanas propped beside him, the other guy's two laid across his lap. The bonfire lit the swordsman's relaxed, pleased expression.
In fact, he seemed really into the conversation. The way he leaned a little closer. The slight smile on his face. "Huh. I think he really likes that guy."
Sanji glanced up from the grill. His brow furrowed. "Yeah. Looks like he does."
Usopp tilted his head with a dramatic, lovelorn sigh. "Reminds me of how me and Kaya started out. He might have found his match."
"Tch. With that guy? Not even close to his level."
"I'm not talking about fighting," Usopp said. "I'm talking about love."
"Same difference." Sanji flicked his hand dismissively toward the stranger. "That cactus isn't going to go for someone not his equal."
Usopp's brow rose. "How do you know? Maybe he wants someone to take care of."
Sanji actually laughed at this. "No. That's my thing. He's already overly protective of the crew. He'd hate it if he prioritized one person over everyone else."
That made sense, though Usopp was surprised Sanji had thought it through. "You've given this some consideration."
Sanji turned a skewer, one shoulder lifting in a shrug. "He was into someone, back on Skypeia. Made fun of him for it. Told me it was rare to find anyone where he could let his guard down."
Usopp searched his memory for who that might have been, but Skypeia felt like another lifetime ago. "Did they end up getting together?"
"No. Moron's not the love 'em and leave 'em type."
Usopp looked back at Zoro, who was gazing up at the stars now while the guy continued chatting beside him. "So he wants an equal who will join the crew." He cut a sly glance at Sanji. "Or who's already on the crew."
Sanji's hands stilled on the skewer. "Don't tell me you're into Zoro."
Usopp threw his hands up, beer sloshing over the rim of his stein. "M-Me?! No! My heart is reserved for Kaya from now until eternity!"
Sanji's shoulders relaxed. "Good. Because you're obviously not his equal."
"Obviously," Usopp agreed immediately, gulping down more beer to calm his racing heart.
A handful of locals approached for skewers, and Sanji turned his attention to them. Usopp took the opportunity to regroup, wiping spilled beer off his hands. Once the locals moved off, he decided to push his luck. "Think Jinbe might go for him?"
"Jinbe's a Fish-Man."
"So?" Usopp swooped in for the finishing blow. "It's not like you'd be interested in him. Might be too much of a challenge for you."
Sanji's lips pursed. "Nothing's too much of a challenge for me."
Usopp shrugged, all casual innocence. "Guess we'll never know."
Sanji glared across the clearing at Zoro, chin tilting up with that stubborn set Usopp knew well. Usopp took a long drink to hide his grin. He should've thought to use the cook's competitive nature from the beginning.
Usopp decided to leave things alone for a while, mainly because they went from a vicious storm to a marine battle to freeing yet another island from tyranny, all within the span of a few days. Everyone was exhausted and injured in one way or another.
So he spent his recovery weeks refilling his ammo, tinkering with new dials, and doing nothing more taxing than fishing. The Sunny sailed under blue skies and calm seas. It was best they rest up, because their next destination would likely be another hellscape.
He was right, of course. A winter island with rabid wildlife that put the frosthares on Drum Island to shame, ruled by a King of the Mountain the size of an actual mountain with a taste for reindeer and Fish-Men alike. Needless to say, it was another harrowing afternoon for the Strawhat crew.
Usopp emerged from the infirmary after Chopper had finished patching him up, only to walk straight into a bickering session between Sanji and Zoro. Nothing unusual there. What drew him up short was Sanji fussing over the bandages on Zoro's face.
Zoro sat on the sofa, arms crossed, head tilted back as Sanji's fingers worked at the wrappings. "It's fine, I'll heal."
"You wouldn't need to heal if your observation haki wasn't shit," Sanji sniped. "That snow beast nearly took off your nose."
"I won, didn't I?"
"Barely. Now your ugly mug is even uglier."
"Still better than your face."
"My face gets all the ladies."
"Your face scares all the ladies."
"At least I have my nose."
"Chopper stitched it back on properly."
Sanji stepped back, apparently satisfied with his adjustments. "If you take these off before our good doctor clears you, I'm going to kick it back off again."
Zoro's eye narrowed. "Like to see you try."
"Your shitty observation haki will make it easy."
Usopp opted to slip out through the other door rather than interrupt. The mound of bandages covering his own face hid his grin.
Now that Usopp saw it once, he saw it all the time. Sanji's carefully plated breakfasts that just happened to include extra protein for the swordsman. The way his gaze tracked Zoro across the deck during morning workouts, lingering on the flex of muscle and the concentrated furrow of his brow. The way his hands lingered when he adjusted bandages or shoved Zoro toward the bath, touch lasting a fraction longer than necessary.
There were also the arguments that pulled them into each other's space, close enough that Usopp could see the moment Sanji's eyes would flick down to Zoro's mouth before he remembered himself and kicked out instead. And perhaps most telling – the way Sanji had stopped flirting quite so desperately with every woman in port, like some part of him was already spoken for, even if he hadn't admitted it yet.
Usopp found the whole thing deeply satisfying. Sanji was definitely living up to the challenge, whether he realized it or not. Zoro definitely didn't realize, because he was as dense as a box of rocks sometimes. The question now was whether to give another nudge or let them figure this out on their own.
Turned out, he didn't have to decide.
They were on another island – one that wasn't currently trying to kill them – enjoying drinks at a portside tavern when Sanji dropped into the seat across from him and said, "I hate you."
Usopp blinked. "Uh..."
"I think I actually like the fucking marimo because of you." Sanji knocked back his drink in one gulp.
Usopp fought to keep the grin off his face. "That's... a bad thing?"
"Of course it's a bad thing!" Sanji slammed the empty glass down. "It's Zoro!"
"And?"
"What do you mean, and? That's bad enough!" Sanji snatched Usopp's glass and drained it too. "Fuck."
"Well, he does have his good qualities," Usopp offered. "And you can't even tell his nose is slightly crooked now."
Sanji dropped his forehead to the table with a thunk that made both empty glasses jump. "Shitty swordsman doesn't even have breasts."
"I mean, if you squint–"
"Not helping, asshole."
Usopp couldn't hold back his grin anymore. "You going to tell him?"
"Of course I'm not going to tell him!" Sanji's head shot up. "I need more to drink."
Usopp watched as Sanji stalked to the bar, gesturing sharply at the bartender for another bottle. The cook's shoulders were tense, his movements jerky. When he lit a cigarette, his hands shook just slightly.
Usopp leaned back in his chair, satisfied. He'd give it a few more weeks and see what happened. Maybe Sanji would work up the courage to do something on his own.
What happened was that they were both idiots.
Usopp sighed as, once again, the two danced around each other like a pair of buffoons. The whole thing might be entertaining if it wasn't becoming painful to watch. Sanji was getting more agitated by the day, both wanting and rebelling against his feelings. And Zoro remained completely oblivious.
It came to a head in a small port town called Newbury, where a dashing swordmaster took a liking to Zoro. The moss-head eagerly went off to spar, while Sanji fumed and drove Usopp up a wall stomping around during their watch on the Sunny. Between the pacing and the chain-smoking, Usopp was going to go prematurely gray at this rate.
"Just... make him something," Usopp said with an aggrieved sigh as Sanji stomped past him on another loop around the deck.
Sanji whirled to face him, expression thunderous. "What?"
"Make Zoro a special treat. Something just for him," Usopp said. "Not a post-training snack. Something like you do for the girls."
Sanji glared at him. "Why the hell should I do that?"
"Trust me. It'll solve everything." And if it didn't, Usopp was seriously considering locking them both in the pantry until they figured their shit out.
Sanji took a long drag of his cigarette, smoke curling around his scowl. He stared at Usopp for a long moment, then turned on his heel and stomped off without another word.
Usopp slumped against the railing and closed his eyes. Only three more hours until this watch was over.
Usopp was tinkering at his outside workshop when the galley door slammed open. They'd been at sea for four days since leaving Newbury. The decks of the Thousand Sunny were mostly empty. Zoro was snoozing against the tree. Brook had just disappeared into the men's quarters. Luffy was on the figurehead while Jinbe navigated at the helm. Everyone else was scattered somewhere inside.
Usopp watched as Sanji stalked across the lawn, carrying a tray with something on it. His brows rose. He lowered a targeting goggle to get a better view of whatever was about to unfold.
Sanji marched right up to Zoro and nudged him with his foot. Zoro's eye cracked open, annoyed.
"What do you want?" Zoro grumped.
Sanji stood above him for a moment, shoulders tense, cigarette puffing smoke like a chimney stack. Then he bent and shoved the tray at Zoro's chest. "Here."
In the relative quiet, their voices carried easily across the deck.
Zoro's brow creased. "What's this?"
"A treat." Sanji ground his jaw. "Eat it before I shove it up your stupid crooked nose."
Zoro's eye slowly widened. "For me?"
"Yes you, idiot. You see anyone else here?"
The smile that unfolded on Zoro's face showed everything he felt for Sanji. And oh– oh. Getting to see Sanji finally see it too filled Usopp with warmth, even as he held his breath, hoping the cook wouldn't panic and run.
"C'mon, Sanji," Usopp urged softly. "Go for it."
Pink slowly spread across Sanji's cheeks and nose. He jerked his gaze away from Zoro, clutching the now-empty tray to his chest. "Tch. Stupid moss."
"Mm?" Zoro hummed around a mouthful of whatever Sanji had made.
"Don't talk with your mouth full." Sanji turned on his heel. "Bring your dish in when you're done."
"'Kay."
Sanji retreated quickly to the galley. The door slammed shut behind him. Usopp watched Zoro finish his treat with that same dopey smile on his face. When he stood and headed inside, Usopp crept to the open ladder hatch that led to the galley.
He heard Zoro enter, the sounds of his bootsteps on the wood floor, and the clatter of the dish in the sink. "Want me to wash it?"
"No, I got it," Sanji said.
Zoro acknowledged with a soft grunt.
"Wait."
"What?"
"Don't move."
Then things went very quiet. Usopp couldn't stand it. He carefully lowered his head through the hatch.
Sanji and Zoro were staring at each other, faces equally bright red and flustered, and it was utterly adorable. Usopp couldn't help himself. "This is so cute," he whispered.
Both men whipped their gazes to him. Usopp squeaked and laughed nervously, wiggling his fingers at them. "Don't mind me!"
He yanked his head up and started to move away, but then – he couldn't help it – he inched back to listen.
"You kissed me," Zoro said, voice full of wonder.
"Yeah."
"You mean it?"
"...Yeah."
There was a resounding laugh, a squawk, and Sanji's protest of "Put me down, you ass!"
Then everything went very quiet again, in a way that made Usopp grin and finally back away from the hatch for good.
He picked up his screwdriver and returned to work, satisfied. He'd managed to give Zoro something in return for all that the swordsman had given him over the years – someone who'd fight alongside him, challenge him, and apparently lift him clean off his feet when the mood struck.
Usopp whistled happily to himself as he worked, already plotting his next project. Maybe he could help Franky with his obvious thing for Robin...
End