The Vulnerability of Faith


by Demona


**********

I walked down the stairs to the basement silently and then got to the bottom and looked around at what there was down there that I could beat the shit out of. I attacked the wooden dummy that sitting in the corner. After a few angry punched and kicks it was nothing but broken wood. I moved to the swinging punching bag but knocked that off the hook after one roundhouse, sending it into the wall next to it. I looked into the mirror and caught tears running down my face that I didn't were there. I angrily wiped the tears away from my eyes, smearing the mascara and eyeliner further around my eyes and down my face.

"If you wanted a punching bag all you needed to do was ask," Angel's voice came from behind me. I whirled around shocked because I didn't sense him come down the stairs and with the whole wall covered by a mirror I couldn't see him at all.

"You aren't welcome down here," I told him angrily, my body posture going from upset and pliable to angry and rigid.

"Faith, we need to talk."

"No, we don't. I don't need anything else from you Angel. I have had enough to last a lifetime," I told him and turned back away from him and headed over to the weight set.

"Faith. I am sorry."

"So?" I asked him.

"I am trying to apologize for breaking your jaw and for hurting you."

"How about breaking my heart Angel? Are you here to apologize for that too?" I asked him angrily.

"Your heart? What? How did I break your heart?" He asked, confusion evident in his voice.

"You don't know…then when you figure it out perhaps you'll be able to come up with a suitable apology. I don't think that I'll accept it, but you can always try. I've never seen a vampire apologize before," I spat at him and then looked up and made eye contact with him. I saw tears well up in his eyes. A single tear rolled down his face and left a wet trail down his right cheek.

"I don't know what I said or did to break your heart Faith. I really don't. Usually I am the one that goes and beats the hell out of whatever hurts you, but this time I can't do that because this time it was me that hurt you. I don't know what I did Faith. I have no clue at all. You have to help me on this one. Help me. Let me know what I did wrong, let me fix it, let me back in please," he pleaded with me.

"Never seen a vampire beg either. My day is getting better already," I said and then I heard the basement door being pulled open.

"Get up here you two! We have an emergency!" I heard Methos yell down the stairs. Our conversation was cut off as we both flew up the stairs. As we came around the corner to the living room ready to destroy whatever had created the emergency and urgency we heard in Methos's voice.

"What happened?" Angel asked immediately. My eyes locked on a blood soaked Amanda.

"Anya and Joe are dead. Buffy and a few humans and vampires she rounded up that fast were at the shop waiting for us. They captured us, tortured us, and eventually killed us. They raided the shop, took everything needed for the soul restoration spells, smashed the Orbs and everything else, and then left a nice little note in our blood on the wall for you Giles," Amanda said to us, and then directed the last part of the sentence primarily to Giles.

"What did it say?" He asked in a shaky voice as he pulled his glasses off his face and started to clean them with shaking hands.

"Tick-tock tick-tock. All your little soldiers are falling one by one. Whose next old man? You decide who you send out for the firing squad when you need an Orb of Thesulah or a cup of sugar. Tick-tock tick-tock. Down go two witches, a demon and her boy, the sugar daddy and his whore and the traitor. Which Scooby will be the next to fall? Decide Ripper before the end comes and you have no choices left!" Amanda replied to that comment. "Obviously she thinks that I am Joe's whore and that I am actually dead. I got Xander, and the demon would be Anya, Tara was one witch but who is the other one? And who is the traitor?" Amanda speculated and I just looked on in horror and confusion. Joe and Anya were dead, Amanda would be dead too if she was human, or worse yet if Buffy knew she was immortal then she would be a head shorter. I felt my knees give out and stumbled and reached out towards the wall to catch my balance. They looked at me. The combination of all this pain medicine I had been taking and this new news was too much for me. I slid down the wall pulling my knees up to my chin and wrapped my arms around my legs.

"She isn't Buffy anymore. She killed them all and she doesn't care," I managed to get out completely shocked.

"That is what happens when a person becomes a vampire. The demon takes over the human's body and the demon is in charge, the person no longer exists," Giles said in an attempt to make me understand and accept.

"So what about if we gave her soul back?" Willow asked us. "I mean Angel is different than Angelus," she added quietly.

"No. She isn't Buffy anymore. She can't handle this. She killed Xander, Anya, Joe, Amanda, and tried to kill you Willow. She has probably killed countless others and she won't be able to handle that guilt. I think that there is only one choice. We slay," I told them.

"So this is how it ends? You finally get your way don't you? You hated my sister ever since you met her and now you are going to get your chance to kill her, aren't you? I won't let you do it. I won't let you kill her. She is all that I have left and you aren't going to get off on killing her," Dawn yelled at me and grabbed a knife off the table covered in weapons. I rose to shaking legs to face her.

"B and I might not have gotten along in the beginning Dawn. But we were cool up until her death. She is my sister, my slaying sister. She's my blood. We each have the same blood, Slayer's blood. I don't want to kill her, but if we give her back her soul then she will commit suicide the minute she gets away from us. The guilt is too much. I mean, look at Angel. He was like running around in the sewers in New York because he felt so bad. And he isn't B. He wasn't meant to slay from the beginning. He was just a normal person forced into vampirism. She is a Slayer, it would kill her to have killed people and have to live with it. That is the difference between Buffy and the world. She cares, no one else does," I told Dawn.

"You aren't going to kill my sister," Dawn screamed at me and raised the knife.

"You don't have to worry about that. Something else already did that. I am just going to put her out of her misery and end her suffering. Do you really think that Buffy, the sister that you are talking about, would want to be a vampire? Do you?" I yelled back at her and took several steps toward her. "Go ahead Dawn. Kill me!" I dared her. I opened my arms to her and stood there. "Your sister did it, lets see if you can," I snapped at her.

"She didn't kill you though," Dawn argued.

"She gutted me. Wanted to feed me to Angel to save his life. I didn't let her feed me to Angel, didn't really let her gut me but she did. She had it in her, do you?" I asked her.

"Perhaps Faith, this is not the time to see who has the biggest b..er.. stones between you and Dawn. We have more important things to do," Giles tried.

"No Giles. Everyone has to be on the same boat. She doesn't want me to kill the vampire that took over Buffy's body. We need to settle this. In fact, anyone who votes not to kill Buffy can grab a knife and stand in line. I'm not backing down on this one," I told them all. Dawn's hand with the knife trembled.

"She is all that I have left in this world. She's all I have left," Dawn cried to me. The knife fell out of her hand and clattered on the floor. I took a step towards her and lowered my arms slowly. She rushed me and threw her arms around me, hugging me tightly, squeezing all the air of out of me. I dealt with it though until I really needed to breathe again and then I gently pried her off me.

"Ok," I said to everyone in the room. "Tonight a small team, only those prepared to die and good enough hopefully not to die, is going out. We are going on a Recon mission. We find vamps, beat the hell out of them until they tell us something we want to hear, and then we kill them. It's a simple mission. Hopefully we won't run into Buffy. If we do then we slay," I told everyone.

"Since when did you become commando girl?" Mac asked me and I just shrugged.

"Since I needed to be. Does anyone have a better plan or is that what we are going to stick with?" I asked them. No one objected to the plan that I proposed to the group. "Good. Do we have any volunteers for the mission tonight? I am volunteering, anyone else? Remember the requirements," I told them all. Everyone was quiet for a few moments.

"I will go," Gunn said and Cordy looked pale. "Cordy I gotta go. I gotta do this cause if I don't then she could come and get you when I can't protect you. You understand right?" Gunn said to her and took her hands in his.

"You had better come back to me," Cordy finally said to him in response.

"That I shall," he promised and kissed her quickly. They mumbled their "I love you" to each other and then parted and he stood beside me.

"I'll come. You could use some magic on your side," Cassandra said to me and I nodded to her. She said her peace to Giles and stood beside me.

"Anyone else?"

"I'm in," Methos said and stood up. Mac went to stand as well but Methos shoved him back down on the couch. "You need to go and get Joe's body with another group. Quick retrieval and drop it off at the coroner. I will be fine Mac," Methos said and quickly kissed Mac's lips and then moved behind me and sat on the table.

"All right, I guess this is it. Methos brought up a great idea. We should go and get Joe and Anya's bodies. That will require a few people and Oz…you are team leader. Your van will be needed. This mission is quick and simple. Retrieve the bodies and take them to the coroner. Everyone is to be on guard the whole time. Everyone is also to be armed to the teeth ok? Stakes are a must!" I told them all and they nodded to me. "I am not going to pick that team. Mac and Oz can do that. Just remember that the people that go out need to be able to handle the dead, probably mutilated bodies, and the people that stay here need to be able to protect themselves. Someone is going to have to be in charge of watching Dawn. She needs to be guarded at all times. No objections Dawn, this is because I love you," I told everyone. Dawn looked like she was going to object but she didn't. Everyone else agreed to my plan. Sunset was taking place as we spoke. "Ok, my team, weapons, weapons, and more weapons. Pack on what you can carry and move with. You know what I mean and you know what you are capable of. I want you to be able to defend yourself but at the same time turn tail and run if you need to. Understood?" I asked them. They all nodded to me.

"Good, you have 15 minutes to get your shit together," I told them and walked away.

**********

I walked back downstairs to the training room and sat down on the bottom step. Tears rolled down my face again.

"You shouldn't go after her. She is probably twice as strong as you are Faith," Angel's voice said from right behind me.

"What is it to you? Do you not want to see me kill her or her kill me?" I asked him without turning around. Silence was my answer.

"She isn't necessarily dead Faith. A part of her is in there. She is stronger than you are and probably stronger than any of us. If anyone of us can take her it is going to be me," he told me gently.

"Well then I'll die and you have that choice all to yourself. You can ask yourself: do I kill her or do I die?" I told him. I wiped the tears off my face and rose to my feet. He shoved me roughly down the remaining steps. I fell on my ass on the rug at the end of the stairs. He was on me in a second picking me up and throwing me up against the wall, pinning me with his hand around my neck. I laughed.

"What are you thinking Faith? Do you really not care that much that you don't care if you are going to die or not?" He asked me as he locked eyes with me.

"I was born to die," I managed to get out through my closing throat to him and then he threw me against the other wall in disgust. I hit the wall hard, knocking the wind out of me, and then slid down to the floor into a heap.

"You didn't act like this before last night. What gives?" He asked me angrily.

"The person I love doesn't love me back Angel. What makes you think that you are stronger than me anyway?" I yelled at him. I pushed myself to my feet and got into his face as best as I could despite the height difference.

"I'm stronger. You and I both know that. I drink your blood, it gives me an edge that normal vampires don't have. You are the slayer, you are supposed to be stronger than me naturally, but when I drink from you I get a high and I can beat anything and you know that."

"Then I'll let you drain me to kill her. I would if I knew you would kill her, but you won't," I informed him and then punched him in the face hard. His nose broke and blood began to trickle down it but he didn't move from his position, effectively keeping me blocked into the corner. "Move."

"Make me." He challenged me. I shook my head and then kicked him hard in the balls. He went down and I kicked him in the face knocking him over completely. I then kicked his ribs and went to kick his balls again when he grabbed ahold of my foot and knocked me down next to him on the floor. He then jumped on top of me, pinning down my legs with his own, and holding both of my arms, at the wrist, above my head with one of his. He used the arm holding my wrists to the ground to balance his weight and give him a free hand to work with.

"Get off!" I hissed at him. Blood from his lip dripped down onto my lips. He used his free hand to smear it along my lips.

"I think there are so many things I could do to you at this point Faith. I think that you need to tell me what is going on and why you are mad with me. Tell me."

"If you aren't a bright enough vampire to figure it out then perhaps you don't need to know."

"I can sit here all day and all night. I don't have to use the bathroom and I don't have to get up for food. Food is underneath me. Talk Faith. We can just spare each other the next few hours of laying here." He told me. I didn't bother to respond.

Ten minutes later I still hadn't uttered a word and he was still on top of me. He leaned down and licked the dried blood off my lips with his tongue. I didn't move at all. I just let him kiss me or whatever else he wanted to do, but I wasn't going to help me out at all with that one. He continued to kiss my lips even though I didn't return the action. He got a little pissed eventually over that and shoved his tongue roughly between my lips. I allowed his tongue entrance in my mouth and then bit down on it hard, causing his blood to pool in my mouth. He didn't yelp or remove his tongue, and I think that he was expecting it. He just continued to kiss me and eventually got his fangs to slice open my tongue and he sucked on the cut, sucking the blood out of the rapidly healing cut. I relaxed against my own will under his insistent attack on my mouth. He finally pulled away from my mouth after about 45 seconds to allow me to breath and he kissed my eyelids, nose, chin, forehead, cheeks, everywhere he could find to kiss me. He then returned to my lips and I hungrily kissed him again. We kissed for a few more seconds and then I pulled away reluctantly as I realized that I was kissing Angel.

"Please don't use my love of kissing you, of touching you, to get what you want. This doesn't change the fact that I am furious with you," I begged Angel. He groaned and shifted slightly on top of me. He slid off my body and laid down next to me instead. His hand that held my wrists let go and trailed slowly down my arms to my stomach and rested thrown over my body.

"Tell me please. Help me understand where I messed up Faith," he finally pleaded with me. I shook my head no.

"I don't know how to explain to you what is wrong. I mean you know that breaking my jaw was the wrong thing to do. We both understand that. But you don't understand what I am going through emotionally. Hell, I'm not even sure if I understand what I am going through emotionally. It is just that I thought I knew you and I thought that you knew me. And we are laying here - not understanding the other," I told him honestly and he sighed.

"After this battle we are sitting down and talking ok? Like the civilized adults that we both are, meaning no punches or kicks are going to be thrown. Just us. Just words. I won't try to use sex over you again. I just…God Faith…I just have become so used to touching you whenever I need to calm down or when I need to understand something that the past 24 hours have been hell for me. Worse than when we have been separated in the past. You won't let me touch you and I don't know how to get into your head. Will you do that for me? Will you sit down with me and talk about where things went wrong?" He asked of me. I sat up and he slid his arm off of my body and covered his eyes with it. I knew that he was probably crying. I pushed his arm off of his eyes and looked him in the eye.

"If we live through this then yes we'll talk and see if we can salvage what is left of our relationship Liam," I told him honestly. I leaned down and placed a simple kiss on his lips. He wove his hand through my hair, holding my head down to his to prolong the kiss. I didn't object for a few seconds. When I wanted to pull away he let me. My jaw throbbed from the pressure he had used to kiss me.

"Ok…" he mumbled.

"Ok," I said and nodded. I pulled away from Angel as I stood up. I headed up the stairs to collect my team. Angel followed me as well.

"I'm going," he told me when we got to the top of the stairs and I nodded in consent.

"All right everyone ready?" I asked my team.

"Yeah we are. Oz, Lindsay, Mac, Giles, and Kate left. Willow, Amanda, Dawn, Cordelia, and Richie are staying here. We are putting them in the basement, locking all the doors and turning the lights off. That way it'll look as though no one is here and everyone is out," Gunn stated.

"What if her human friends break down the door and invite them in? Then Cordelia, Dawn, Willow, Amanda, and Richie are trapped in the basement. No, not a plan I like," I told them and then continued. "Angel, Methos, or Gunn – one of you are staying here. I'm not leaving these five unprotected despite the fact that Cordelia could talk them to death," I told them all.

"Hey I could protect them!" Richie said pissed off at me.

"Could you? All masculinity aside. Could you?" I asked him and looked him right in the eye. "You can protect Cordy, Amanda, Dawn, and Willow from whatever evil could come into this house alone?"

"Fine whatever," Richie said and walked out of the living room pissed off.

"Faith, you just insulted him." Cordelia snapped at me.

"I'm sorry if I ruined his ego but he is a kid," I told them.

"And Gunn isn't?" Cordelia asked me in return. "You know I love him and worship him when he saves my life again and again, but at least Richie has the whole Immortal - unable to die - thing going on. Gunn doesn't have that," Cordelia argued with me.

"Well then if Gunn needs to decide whether he is coming on the recon mission with me or babysitting here. I'm sorry for being blunt and rude, but they are all big boys. I don't think that Richie can handle protecting all five of you guys alone. I think that if another person stays here you will all be safer. But Cordy if you don't mind dying then by all means tell me and I'll take all the boys with me," I told her.

"Fine oh fearless leader. We will do as you command," Cordy snapped at me and I shot a glare at her.

"Who can protect them?" I asked again. "Hell, I'll stay here if you boys wanna go on recon…I don't care," I told them.

"I'll stay. Three humans out at night will look like an easy target for vamps, so that way they don't smell me and run," Angel finally said to me and I nodded.

"Good idea, " I told him. "Who is going to watch over Dawn?" I asked them all. Amanda finally raised her hand.

"Good thanks Amanda." I grabbed my weapon vest. I slid on my harness with my guns, stakes, my sword down my back, holy water, and a few plastic baggies with magic ingredients needed for simple spells I could use and do on my own if needed. Willow came over and watched in amazement.

"Where did you get that suit? And are there magic ingredients in your suit? Like little prepackaged spells?" Willow babbled.

"We use a little magic sometimes. Oz is our local witch or actually warlock. He has been studying and practicing for years now. Don't worry Willow – we know what we are doing and are careful – hence individual baggies to prevent magic from mixing ok?" I assured her.

"Oz?"

"Yeah, he learned witchcraft to control his wolf. He can control it now without having to wear trinkets all the time. He has a tattoo on his back that is blessed and covered in magic. It helps him so he isn't all wolfy all the time. This way he is only when he wants to be and only when he can control himself. He has changed and matured a lot since he left you years ago," I told her honestly. I slid my last knife into my ankle/leg case and pulled my jeans leg back down over it.

"I'm set," I said and everyone else was too.

"Oz should be back soon. Be sure not to invite them in, meaning make sure they can do it on their own," I informed them all. All those in the room still nodded to me in understanding. "We'll be back as soon as we can – Angel – Methos, Gunn and I have our cells on us – don't hesitate to call for any reason – no matter how trivial," I informed him. He nodded. Before we left though Angel pulled me into a tight embrace.

"Be careful! No stupid selfless stunts Faith. I wanna talk in a week or so when this is all over," he whispered in my ear. He kissed my lips hard, crushing them and then pushed me out the door. I stood outside the door to the house looking at him. I touched my lips gently, still feeling his lips on mine. I locked eyes with him.

"I love you," he mouthed to me and I left him standing there in the doorway looking out after me.

**********

Methos, Gunn, Cassandra, and I walked around Sunnydale. We found a few vamps to beat up and actually got some valuable information out of them. Our biggest find was when we found or rather when Spike found us. He jumped out at me from behind a dumpster in a dark alley, latching onto my neck. I threw him off and grabbed a stake ready to stake whatever it was that attacked me when platinum blonde hair stopped my downward motion. I froze inches above his heart.

"Spike?" I asked him and took a better look, as best I could in the completely dark alley, at the bloody mess beneath me.

"Great. I attacked the other soddin' slayer," a clipped British voice muttered angrily.

"Christ Spike. What the fuck happened to you? Let me help you up. Give me your hands,' I said as I stood to help him up.

"You would have to retrieve them from Buffy first. She cut them along with other things off," he spat at me. I grabbed the flashlight off my suit and shone it down on him and I almost puked. Gunn did. He had bloody stumps where his hands should have been, he was missing one eye and his clothes were all soaked in blood.

"So let me guess…you didn't kill Buffy," I guessed as I clicked off my flashlight saving him further embarrassment of being seen like this.

"Do you dare ask me that? If I had hands and another eye to see you with I would beat you to a bloody pulp over that comment. You know damn well I loved her Faith. Like you and Peaches," Spike angrily hissed at me. I smiled at him sadly.

"Peaches broke my jaw, my heart, my everything else about 36 hours ago Spike. I know nothing about him and me anymore. I didn't think that you had killed her, but others, that are going to remain nameless primarily because most of them are undead or dead, thought that perhaps you did it because you didn't come back to the house and you weren't with her body."

"I would have been with her body but the fuckers that turned her beat the shit out of me and took me with them. They then turned me over to her this afternoon when she returned from killing Red and Xander. She tortured me for a few hours, cut out my eye and beat the fuck out of me, and then left me alone for another few hours while she went to the magic shop to destroy all the restorations stuff. She came back bragging about how she killed the demon, a watcher, and some random chick, and how she left a message for Giles in their blood. I mean God, she is a vampire for like a day and already she is threatening people and writing cryptic messages in blood. Angelus would be bloody proud if he were still around," Spike muttered under his breath.

"All right enough whining out of your sorry ass. Can you walk?" I asked him.

"I don't know how far I will make it," he told me honestly.

"Methos, you are in charge of making sure we don't get tailed," I told him as I bent down in the alley next to Spike.

"Cassandra and Gunn keep an eye out for baddies, and Cassandra lead the way from here to Giles's house. The fastest and safest way that you know of," I told them and they nodded. "Spike, I need you to hold onto me," I told him as I moved to pick him up.

"How the bloody hell do you expect me to do that?" He angrily snapped at me.

"Wrap your arms around my neck at the elbows Spike. Use some common sense, just because you are missing your hands doesn't mean your brain leaked out of your head," I told him starting to get angry at his attitude. "Come on Spike. We don't need to be out here any longer than we have to. Come on and just wrap your arms around my neck. I'll get you back to Giles's house and we'll take care of your injuries and see what we can do about them," I told him and he reached up and wrapped his arms around my neck tightly and I lifted him off the ground. We quickly made it to Giles's house and encountered resistance with Giles at the front door.

"There is no way that I am going to invite him into my house. He is responsible for her death and I'm not allowing a soulless demon into my house ever again!" Giles argued with me as I stood outside the front door to the house with a bloody and unconscious Spike in my arms. His arms had long since unfolded from around my neck and his head was hanging back at an uncomfortable angle from how I was holding him under his back, with the other arm under his legs.

"He didn't have anything to do with her death. I tried to explain this to you all earlier but no one believed me. She did this to him, now invite him into the fucking house before I kill you and walk in without the invite," I hissed low and deadly to him. The others looked on from inside the house with startled gazes at the threat I had just issued to Giles over Spike.

"Come in Spike," Giles said and I walked forward without encountering the barrier to Giles's house with Spike in my arms.

"I need you to get something to lay him down on. He is covered in blood and I don't think that you want to ruin the carpet or the floor," I told Giles and he reluctantly ran to get something to lay him on. He came back a few minutes later with a few sheets and a plastic tarp.

"Where do you want to be Spike? Table, wood or carpet floor, or bed?" I asked him as he came to again.

"I don't care Faith. Wherever you want to put me will work," he muttered, he had been fading in and out of consciousness the whole way back to the house.

"Bed Giles. Someone go with him to help him put the plastic tarp down on the bed and then put the sheets on it. Hurry please," I told them. Cordy jumped up and followed Giles, as did Kate.

"I need an Immortal blood donor. He needs to get something inside of him quickly and I can't afford to lose any blood right now," I told them. Amanda stood up and followed me as I walked down the hall with Spike still in my arms. Some of the rest of the group followed me; Angel was among them.

"Where did you find him? Who did this to him?" Angel asked his vampire visage slipped into place on his face and I could tell that he was pissed that someone or something did this to his childe.

"Guess," I snapped at him.

"Who?" He asked me. "Don't play games where my childe is concerned."

"Buffy did this to him," I told him and he shook his head in disbelieve. "He'll tell you everything if he comes out of this as something other than a vegetable from all the damage she did to him. He told it all to me on the way over here so that we would know that she means business. Now if you don't mind I would like you to get the hell out of my way so I can get him into this bed and hope and pray that he survives," I told him and he moved out of my way and I brushed past him.

**********

I put Spike down on the bed and Amanda sat down on the bed next to him and I grabbed her wrist. She nodded and I pulled out my knife and sliced her wrist open and put it to Spike's unconscious mouth. Blood dripped from her wrist into his mouth. I saw the Quickening closing up the cut after a few seconds. I took her wrist again and sliced it deeper and bigger so it would take longer to heal and replaced it on Spike's mouth. This time he came to and sunk his teeth into her wrist and then batted it away in disgust after a moment.

"You are feeding me a human?" He asked me, his eyes portraying his anger and I shook my head.

"Since when did you refuse human blood? She is Immortal. You can drain her. She doesn't mind, she volunteered for the job," I told him and he looked over at her and she nodded. She gave him her wrist, which had healed already to bite into again. He sunk his teeth into it hungrily and drained her quickly and sloppily. He drained her completely and then she passed out and died on the bed next to him. Richie picked her up and carried her back out into the living room where Kate was now waiting for her to make sure she was ok when she came back to life. I looked down at Spike.

"You going to be ok?" I asked him.

"I'm going to pass out for a few hours now. If I come back to life after this then we'll talk about how I am going to be ok, pet?" Spike suggested to me and I nodded in understanding. I leaned down and kissed his lips gently.

"Come back to me. Who else am I going to pick on for thinking they know anything about music?" I teased him. He smiled a little.

"You will be able to find someone else to fight with when I'm gone. I'm always right you know. You need to find someone who believes that you are right for a change. It'll boost your ego," he told me and then pain crossed his face.

"Are you ok?" I asked worried.

"I'm fine pet. I'll talk to you in a few," he mumbled to me and passed out again. I shook my head and kissed his forehead before standing up.

"I want someone in here watching him at all times. I want shifts or something. He is never alone; hear me? When he wakes up I want another immortal other than Amanda to volunteer to give him some of their blood. Don't let him take enough to kill you just enough to give him something to use to rejuvenate his body. Ok?" I asked them and they nodded.

"Where are you going?" Giles asked me.

"Hunting," I told him.

"Oh no you aren't!" He said to me and I glared at him.

"Are you going to stop me?" I asked him.

"He doesn't have to. We will," Cordelia stated angrily. "You aren't going to go out and fight Buffy tonight. You are pissed and irrational and going to get your ass killed. I am not ready to lose my best friend tonight Faith. Please, don't go," she begged me.

"She did this to him. She did this to all of them. She is going to die and I won't let a trivial thing like my own death stand in the way. Does everyone hear that? She is going to die!" I yelled at them all. "Anyone who is opposed is with her and therefore against me. Got that?" I threatened them and they were all in shock at my outburst.

"What, did the other deaths mean nothing to you? I mean they were your friends too weren't they?" Willow asked me completely in shock.

"To be honest I was not really that good of friends with anyone that died over the past 2 days. I loved Buffy and she is dead. She killed several other people that I care about but it didn't have an impact on me. I guess this deal with Spike just hit close to home because if she could love him like she did and still do this to him then I keep thinking that there is no hope for anyone in this world. She loved him and did this to him anyway," I told her honestly and then looked up at Angel for a brief second before I headed towards the bathroom.

"Where are you going?" Cordy snapped at me.

"To get some warm water in a bowl, a rag, a sewing kit and some old clothes of Giles's that I can put on Spike after I get done fixing him. If anyone would like to join me on this little adventure please stay in the room, if not then feel free to leave," I told them all honestly and people did what they felt to the right thing for them. I walked out to the kitchen and grabbed the bowl and rag that were still in the sink from cleaning Buffy the night before. I put the now clean rag in the bowl and filled it with warm water. After that was done I grabbed the emergency kit off the floor in the hall closet and headed to Spike's room. I set all those things down on the table next to the bed and then walked back to Giles's room to get a pair of ratty sweats and a tee shirt for Spike to be changed into, he could forgo boxers for now. I headed back into Spike's room to see that Angel was in there. I suspected that he would come and help me with his childe.

"What can I do?" Angel asked me.

"You mind taking his clothes off while I get this stuff ready. We are going to have to bandage his arms, sew his eye shut and bandage it, and we might have to sew together any other big cuts that lie under his clothes," I told him and he nodded. I opened up the medical kit and didn't pay attention to Angel as he took off Spike's clothes.

"Holy shit!" Angel swore and then rushed out of the room and I heard him puking in the bathroom that connected to the bedroom. I looked at Spike's body to see what the hell made Angel puke. Spike was shirt less and his pants were pulled down to mid-thigh. I saw what made Angel puke because it made me puke too. I threw up in the bathtub because Angel was still puking in the toilet. Spike had been severely beaten, sliced and diced and overall tortured leaving huge gashes along his upper torso. Spike was also missing his penis and balls; they had been cut off, roughly cut off from the looks of it. I threw up everything I had eaten recently, which wasn't very much at all.

"What the hell do we do about that?" I finally asked Angel.

"It'll close up eventually. I just suggest that we get it cleaned up and put something on it to help the healing process or something like that ok?" He told me and I just managed to nod and threw up again at the thought of fixing that wound. Finally I was ready to go back out and deal with Spike's body. By the time we had gotten ourselves together Spike had thrown up most of the blood that he had consumed from Amanda, all over himself and he was still out cold. We did it together. We went back out there and got his pants off and then bathed and dressed that wound first. We then cleaned off the rest of his legs and put the sweatpants on him. We then cleaned the upper half of his body and stitched up his eye and other cuts along his chest and back. We attempted to stitch up where his hands were missing and then we bandaged them and wrapped them tightly to keep dirt and such out. This was worse than Buffy because I didn't think she would wake up and have to live with the wounds, Spike would have to for the rest of his probably short unlife. We did everything we could to make sure that Spike would heal as quickly and painlessly as possible.

"Can he survive something like this as a vampire?" I asked Angel quietly as we were rinsing out the bowl and the rag in the bathroom sink in Spike's room.

"I don't know Faith. He has no hands. I'm not sure if a vampire can survive without hands. He has only stumps and I'm not sure how well he can use even them. He might not even be able to defend himself with them. He only has one eye that he can see out of which means he can only see what is coming on one side. I don't know Faith," he honestly told me. I went to reply but froze when I saw Spike leaning against the doorway.

"Thanks for the positive speech there Peaches," Spike said to him and Angel sighed heavily.

"What would you want me to tell her Spike? You want me to lie to her and tell her that you will be just fine?" Angel snapped at Spike.

"No, but you could have used nicer ways of putting it," he told Angel angrily.

"Whatever," he said to him and I stood up from my seat on the toilet set.

"How are you feeling Spike?" I asked him honestly.

"Better thanks for the fresh Immortal by the bed when I woke up. That was a pleasant meal. And thanks Faith, for bringing me here and dressing my wounds, all my wounds," he mumbled to me and I just nodded to him. "I'm sorry that you and the Poof here had to deal with what was missing below the belt. I meant to tell you not to clean me up that I could do it myself before I drifted off but as you see that didn't happen. I don't think that it was a good idea for you to see that and I am so sorry that you had to see that and deal with that," he told me. I walked up to him and pulled him into a loose hug.

"I'm so sorry that happened to you and that you had to deal with that yourself," I told him honestly.

"Angelus did worse to me. I mean that is…he didn't exactly cut of my balls or anything quite that extreme but he did a lot of emotional and repairable physical damage. It made her mad that I wouldn't scream the whole time she was cutting me up. What she didn't know was that I had had a lot worse than she thought she was dishing out to me. This thing in her body is worse than we could have imagined to ever come out in her. There is a reason that they don't like Slayers to become vampires. They are feisty and the "first" slayer usually presents her old ass violent self in them. It was horrible the things that she did to those that she killed. I think that she spared Red the torture and just snapped her neck because of her close relationship with her, but I don't know."

"Willow isn't dead," I said to him. He shook his head and raised his scarred eyebrow.

"Buffy said that she snapped her neck and then left her dead body in the coffin for you to find when Willow and Xander didn't come back after awhile," Spike told me. "She wasn't lying about that because Xander was pissed that Buffy didn't make him a play toy," Spike told me and I looked at Angel worried now about the safety of the people in the house.

"She is human isn't she?" I asked him and he nodded to me.

"She told us that she woke up in the coffin and then came running back here to tell us what happened and such," Angel told him, we were all very confused at this moment.

"I don't get it. Are you sure Red isn't like Cassandra or one of those other Immortals that we have running around here?" Spike asked and Angel and I looked at each other, considering the idea.

"We'll have to make some inquiries. But Willow is, as far as we know, human. She came running into the house without an invitation and in the sunlight and she isn't a slayer so she shouldn't be allowed out in the sunlight. Although I still don't understand why B should be allowed in the sunlight. That confuses the hell out of me right now," I told them honestly and they just nodded in agreement with me.



Continued