**********
During the fight:
Cordelia and Gunn had stayed together to
fight after Buffy and Faith had started their own personal fight. The sides of
good and evil collided. The numbers of
vampires to humans was favoring the vampires. Cordelia and Gunn were finally
separated. Gunn held his own against
the vampires, but Cordelia was not that lucky.
She ended up face to face with Xander, the vampire.
"Well, well, Cordelia must be my lucky
day. I never thought I would get to
meet up with you. Look, you are all
alone too! No Faith, no Gunn, no Angel,
nobody but me," Xander told her.
Cordy backed up and into a crypt wall with Xander following her the
whole time.
"I am never alone Xander. I always have something to protect me,"
Cordelia said to him.
"Oh so what is it?" He asked her
and grinned, fangs gleaming in the moonlight overhead.
"This," Cordelia said and uncapped
a small jar of holy water and threw it at him.
It splashed all over his face, blinding him momentarily. She used this momentarily lapse in his
vision to her advantage and as her chance to run. He caught her after a few steps, however, and shoved her to the
ground. She cracked the side of her
head on the metal gravestone plate. Blood
trickled down her face as she tried to get up.
Xander backhanded her sending her back to the ground. He jumped on her holding her down. He then grabbed hold of her hair and slammed
her head back onto the metal plate a few times. She cried out in pain and tried to fight him off.
"Face it Cordelia – you are going to
die. I'm gonna make you one of
mine. You will worship me!" Xander
said and bit into her neck. She tried
her hardest to throw him off but he was too heavy. She managed to get a hold of a tree branch lying on the
ground. With the last bit of strength
she had she plunged it into his heart from his back. His face rose up off her neck in horror and pain to look her in
the eye.
"Cordy?" Xander asked and then
dispersed into dust. Her arms fell to
her side and her body relaxed completely.
She lay there looking up at the stars in the sky. Gunn fell to the ground next to her. His hand immediately pressed to the wound on
her neck in a desperate attempt to stop the bleeding.
"Oh god Cordy! I'm so sorry I couldn't
get away from them. They were too
strong and there were too many. Baby,
I'm here - hang in there - I'm here now," Gunn said to her. Tears were welling up in his eyes and
finally spilled down his cheeks.
"Gunn…" Cordelia got out.
"Yeah baby. I'm here, hang on till sunrise baby, just a little while
longer."
"I love you Gunn. Remember that ok?" She said to
him. He frowned and shook his head 'no'
violently. He leaned down and kissed her lips gently, tenderly, and lovingly.
"God Cordy, you can't leave me. I love you so much baby. Come on Cordy what about all those little
kids we were gonna have together?"
"I don't think I am going to make it
Gunn. Find someone else to fulfill that
dream with for me. Promise me you will
find someone else to love for life please.
We'll meet again I promise," Cordy forced out. Her breathing slowing down, her eyes glazing
over, it was hard for her to keep her eyes open at this point.
"No Cordy. You can't leave me. You can't; what am I going to do without
you?"
"You are going to make due. Promise me before I die. Promise!"
"I promise I will try Cordy, but I won't
love them nearly as much as I love you. I'll love you forever Cordy. I'll love you forever," he told her,
tears falling down his face and onto hers.
She took one last breath and closed her eyes.
"Thank you…" she got out and then
she was gone. Gunn pulled her into his
arms. Holding her tightly to his chest,
screaming for someone to help him, someone to fix this, crying because his
lover was dead.
**********
He picked her up and carried her body through
the gravestones as the sun rose over Sunnydale. He looked around for others that had survived and only saw a few
of his friends still standing. Gunn
carried her back to Oz's van and gently placed her on the floor in the
back. Angel was hidden under a blanket
in the darkest corner of the van. Kate
was inside the van leaning against the van wall, she looked like shit and
Amanda, covered in blood, was crouched beside her fussing over her. Both of them were alive and seemingly well
though. Oz came to the back of the van,
with Lindsay, helping a limping and badly injured Giles. Gunn assisted them in getting him into the
van as well. Lindsay climbed in next to Giles to hold him up.
"Where are the others?" Oz asked.
"Spike and Buffy are dead. Faith is probably dead at this point. Cassandra and Willow took her back to
Giles's to attempt to save her or something to that effect. I have no idea about the others. Has anyone
else seen any of them?" Angel yelled from under the blanket that he was
hiding under. He paused in his rant.
"Is that Cordy's blood that I smell?" He asked and started to
lift up the blanket.
"Yeah man, she didn't make it,"
Gunn said calmly. He was in shock still
over the fact that she was dead and no longer living.
"No!
This isn't possible. She wasn't supposed to die. I can't believe that
the PTB would allow her to die. Did she
get a vision or anything?" Angel yelled and moved to cradle Cordelia in
his arms. Tears streamed silently down
his face, unnoticed by him as he pulled her lifeless body into his arms.
"She hasn't mention anything about
visions in the last week since the vision she got about Buffy's death. Nothing.
She didn't see any of the other deaths.
I think that the PTB had finally given up on her and her visions. We were on our own at that point. She is dead Angel. I tried to keep her but
she just left; she had nothing left to live with. She even made me promise that I would find someone else to love.
Can you believe her? On her death bed she makes me promise to love someone
else…" Gunn trailed off.
"Little help here," a deep Scottish
voice said and then MacLeod emerged at the back of the van holding a dead
Methos in his arms. Both Immortals were
covered in blood. Oz grabbed Methos'
legs and helped Mac get him into the van.
"What happened to him?" Oz asked as
they were tossing him none too gently into the van.
"Dumb ass decided to be all chivalrous
here for once and jumped in front the 2 x 4 that was headed for my head. It knocked him out cold. I heard his neck snap and the vampire was
all excited cause he 'killed' one of the good guys but he didn't expect me to
just hop over Methos' dead body and slice his head off. The element of surprise is great. So, I am actually proud of him cause he
saved my life, which Methos isn't supposed to do. But perhaps that means that he is starting to really care about
me and is prepared to die for me. I
mean for once he is starting to act like a real boyfriend would."
"Don't hold your breath on that one
Highlander. I am not a typical
boyfriend and I won't have you thinking that I died for you. It just so
happened that I was running to get out of the way of the large knife being
thrown in my general direction. It was
an unfortunate accident that my head collided with the 2 x 4 meant for your
thick ass skull," Methos got out after Mac's speech. Everyone managed a smile of some sort.
"Where's Richie?" Mac asked
everyone.
"With Dawn at Giles's place. Think Highlander, it is hard for you I know,
but think!" Methos retorted and Mac cuffed him over the back of his
head. They got everyone secured in the
van and then headed back to Giles' house to assess everything before deciding
what to do, leaving Spike's Desoto there at the graveyard.
**********
Back at Giles' place…
Willow and Cassandra kept me alive until
Angel and crew returned from the fight. Dawn and Richie helped out as well.
Angel came to my side immediately, my vision was gone at this point but I knew
that he was there just by presence alone.
"Faith, can you hear me?" I heard
him ask me very worried.
"Angel?" I managed to get out. I felt him grab my hand tightly and his
tears fell onto my face.
"I'm here baby, I'm here. We're gonna get you some help ok? Hang on
ok?"
"No Angel. I'm gonna die very soon.
Please let me die here in peace, please stay and hold me while I
die," I pleaded with him.
"It's gonna be ok Faith. It's gonna be ok," Angel softly said to
me. I felt Willow and Cassandra's spell
lift off my body. Pain returned to me
full force. My death was almost upon
me. Right before I died though someone
opened my mouth and I felt warm liquid enter.
It was thick and coppery tasting.
Before I could realize it was blood I had swallowed it. The last think I heard before the darkness
totally consumed my body was Angel's words: "I love you Faith."
**********
After they mixed Spike's blood with mine they
secured me in a bed and reset my broken bones in my body. They strapped me in tightly. Amanda showered quickly and took Kate &
Giles to the hospital with Oz, a slightly battered Lindsay, Dawn and
Richie. Gunn laid Cordelia's body on
the couch and walked calmly to the bathroom took a long hot shower washing all
the blood off him and then passed out after he got redressed. Methos stripped Cordelia completely and
himself down to his boxers and got in the shower with her dead body. He washed all the blood off her body and her
head/hair. After she was totally clean
he put clean clothes back on her and laid her on the bed where Spike once
laid. MacLeod had placed Gunn next to
her on the bed moments later. Mac and
Methos sat with the couple to watch over them.
About 35 minutes after Cordelia was laid on
the bed she sat up gasping to get air into her lungs. She looked around panicking.
Her hand immediately went to her neck where her wound had already healed
and closed, leaving only a scar to remind her of her first death.
"What is going on?" She asked
them. Her attention shifted immediately
as she noticed Gunn on the bed next to her.
"Oh God, is he dead?" Cordelia asked, touching his neck. Her relief was evident in her body posture
when she felt his pulse.
"Cordelia. I think you have an idea of what is going on here. You are Immortal," Methos told
her. She locked eyes with him. "You ok?"
"Figures I am Immortal. You'll kill me off almost right away. And Gunn?
Immortal or no?" Cordelia ranted.
Methos cracked a slightly smile at her rant.
"He's not Immortal. He is going to die Cordelia," Methos
told her. Mac glared at him.
"It's ok Mac. I am used to him. His
lack of sincerity is comforting at times," Cordelia defended Methos.
"That is right you both have no
tact!" Mac commented.
"Funny Highlander!" Methos told him
"Faith and Angel? Buffy?
Where did everyone go? Who died? Help me out here!" Cordelia
suddenly asked as she jumped off the bed panicking. "Faith…did she survive?
Where is my bestfriend?"
"Most of them are at the hospital. Faith was killed by Buffy. Angel killed Buffy and closed the Hellmouth
permanently, stopped the Apocalypse, saved the world etc."
"She's dead?" Cordelia cried tears
welled up in her eyes immediately. She
headed for the door but Methos stopped her.
"It is a little more complicated then
that. She's a vampire now Cordy. Spike gave Willow and Cassandra his blood to
change Faith after Buffy killed her.
So, she is currently going through the process of becoming all
vampy. And Willow and Cassandra went to
get an Orb of Thesulah and all the other shit needed to do the soul restoration
spell from the Magic Box. She is in the
other guest bedroom. You can go see
her, or you can stay with Gunn. But you
have to remember that he thinks you are dead.
You died in his arms remember?" Methos told her and she nodded to
him. Cordelia leaned down and kissed Gunn on the lips and then left the
room. She came into the room where they
had placed my body and acknowledged Angel.
"So you are Immortal huh?" Angel
asked. She nodded to him.
"Is she gonna be ok?" Cordelia
asked as she sat down gently on Angel's lap.
He pulled her completely onto his lap and wrapped his arms around her
waist.
"I think so. I hope so. I'm so sorry
Cordy I really am. I'm sorry for
attacking you and hurting you. I'm
sorry for being a shitty boss and a shitty friend," he apologized to
her. She leaned further into his
embrace and looked up at him.
"You are the best boss I could ask for
Angel. Angel, you are a great
friend. You are a good person, a good
soul, and a great lover to Faith. Never
let anyone tell you anything else and never doubt yourself. You are a great lover to her. She deserves no one else," Cordelia
told him. He sighed and kissed the top
of her head.
"I only hope that she forgives me doing
her wrong over these past few months. The last week has been complete hell as
well. I hope she does find it in herself to forgive me," Angel told her
and she nodded in agreement.
"She will. You broke her heart and didn't know it. It hurts when someone you know and you thought knew you doesn't
actually. I don't know what to tell you
to make it better, but just to listen to her, watch her movements. She will give you everything you need to
know sooner or later." Cordelia told him and rose up off of his lap. "I'm headed back to see if Gunn is
awake. I have to explain to him that
I'm not really dead, just Immortal," she told him, placed a kiss on his
lips gently, and walked out of the room leaving Angel staring at my body on the
bed.
Gunn woke up about 15 minutes after Cordelia
returned to his side. It was a hard
thing for him to deal with because he didn't understand how she was
Immortal. Then when he realized he was
going to die he was a little upset. She
was going to literally live forever and he was stuck as a mortal.
At the hospital Kate didn't survive due to
multiple injuries that she incurred during the fight. When Amanda came back with the rest of the group she was a
wreck. Lindsay was ok minus a few
broken bones. Giles was all right as
well. He had a broken leg, internal organ damage, just a lot of minor injuries
from the fight that added up and caused him to be in a great deal of pain.
**********
I awoke gasping for air. I had a horrible dream that I had become a
vampire and killed all my friends. I
tried to sit up but realized I was secured to the bed at my wrists, ankles, and
waist. And besides that my whole body
was radiating in pain. I snarled in
anger and I heard a chuckled next to me.
My eyes focused on Angel. I
growled angrily at him. I took a whiff
of the air and smelled him and his soul clearly. It radiated off of him and all around him in waves. Something about it was unique, powerful, and
strange and I couldn't place it.
"Morning Faith," Angel said to me.
"Unchain me right now," I snapped at
him.
"Damn, I just lost money," a female
voice said this time. I whipped my head around to face that voice and I growled
at Cordelia.
"I told you she's a bitch in the morning
Cordy!" Angel teased her.
"Like you would know. You weren't up before me. We hardly spoke at the end of our
relationship." I informed Angel bitterly.
"Touché Faith. Damn, vampire or not she's still Faith," Cordy said and I
laughed at that.
"Let me outta here Cordy. Come on,"
I begged changing my voice when I looked at her.
"Don't you worry Faith. We'll let you up in due time. As soon as we get that pesky little soul in
your body again we'll let you go. Don't
you worry any Faith," She told me and I laughed at her and then snarled
and tried to lunge at her. I failed
miserably and fell back to the bed.
"Magic Faith," Angel explained to
me and I continued to growl.
"Damn she is a feisty one in bed,"
Cordelia teased Angel and I glared at her.
She shut up a little and then smiled.
"Call if you need anything Angel, Willow and the rest should be
back soon. I'll have them come in here
immediately to perform the ritual. I'm
going to go be with Gunn," Cordelia told Angel and I hissed at her
angrily. She left the room leaving Angel staring at me tied to the bed. We didn't talk until the others came into
the room to perform the ritual.
**********
Willow and Cassandra came back about an hour
after I awoke from the Magic Shop where they were gathering supplies. They waited another 2 hours until Oz and the
rest of the people returned. They
needed Oz and Giles to cast the spell as well.
So Angel had Willow, Oz, Cassandra, and Giles replace my soul. They secured it minus the happiness clause
while Angel made sure the PTB anchored my soul. He left almost immediately
after the spell was cast and I had my soul back in my body. He was gone for about 2 days while he
traveled to and from LA to figure all this stuff out. He walked back into Giles' house where I was still laying on the
couch recovering from my injuries I had sustained before my death. My neck was covered in permanent scars from
various vampire attacks, I had a mark where my heart was where B had staked me,
my cheek had a scar where the bone had come through when B had broken my jaw
which was reset again, and my knee had scars where the bone had broken through
the skin, so basically I was a wreck.
Angel walked in the door and we were all happy to see him again and glad
that he made it back safely. After he
nodded his head in acknowledgement to everyone else in the room he directed his
attention to me.
"It's ok Faith, your soul is
permanent. The PTB told me that you
have the soul you had as a human, no weaker no stronger. So you will always have to fight to remain
in the light," Angel told me. He
came over to give me a kiss on my forehead lightly not trying to be passionate
at all. His lips burned my
forehead. That is when I heard it. A heartbeat close to me, a new one to the
room, and I knew it was Angel. I sat up
despite the pain and he looked at me curiously, cocking one eyebrow.
"You are human!" I exclaimed.
"What are you talking about Faith?"
Cordelia asked from her position on the couch next to me.
"His heart is beating. He is warm.
Angel is human," I gently said to them. Tears ran down my face unnoticed by me. Angel was in shock. Oz walked over to us. He
sniffed Angel and then sadly nodded.
"He's human," Oz quietly said to
everyone. Angel sat down on the chair
closest to him heavily.
"To shanshu," Angel whispered and
tears rolled down his face. He frowned
in general and then looked up at me.
Our gazes met and more tears rolled down our faces. I knew that I was going to live forever and
Angel was now the mortal one of us.
Angel was now going to die at any given moment. Our roles suddenly were reversed and I was
terrified.
"This is not fair!" Angel yelled
suddenly. He rose to his feet but
collapsed to the floor completely distraught and in hysteric tears/sobs. I managed to get off the couch and down next
to him on the floor. I pulled him
against my body and he cried. His
heartbeat got louder and louder in my ears and it became almost too much and I
shoved him away from me roughly. I was
in game face and fighting the bloodlust that had suddenly overwhelmed me.
"Someone get her some blood," Angel
yelled out. He moved towards me and I
growled.
"Stay away Angel. I can't control
this," I told him angrily. I smelled blood before the bag was thrust under
my noise. I bit into the bag hungrily
and drained it quickly. I felt
everyone's eyes on me and thankfully the bloodlust disappeared. Angel took the blood bag from me and gently
wiped the extra blood off my face.
"How long since you fed last?"
Angel questioned me gently.
"When you fed me before you left. I haven't felt hungry since then until
now."
"That was 48 hours ago Faith! I have fed like four times since then. I know you are like super vamp but come
on! Faith, would you go 48 hours
without food human food?"
"I…I don't like drinking blood
Angel. I hate being a vampire. I hate that I have to feed from a bag of
blood!" I cried to him and he pulled me into his embrace this time.
I spent most of that day to myself. I put myself on an 8-hour feeding schedule
to keep off the bloodlust. I sat in the
windowsill with sunglasses on to protect my sensitive eyes. They were the only part of my body that was
affected by the sunlight. Cordelia came
to check on me mid-afternoon with her blood as an offering. I could smell her even before she got close
to me.
"I told you I wanted to be alone
Cordelia," I commented as she headed towards me across the bedroom to the
window.
"I told you I didn't care remember? Besides I come bearing gifts, my
blood." She snapped back.
"I don't want your blood. Keep it," I wearily told her.
"I'm worried about you Faith. A lot has
happened to you in the past week. You
won't talk about it with me either. I
know if Spike were here he would know what is bothering you."
"Why would I tell him and not you?"
I asked her, still not looking away from the window and the outside world.
"You know you would. He told me about two you know. I know about the sex and the lies. I know you two were more then just friends
even though you never pursued it."
"You could never understand my
relationship with Spike."
"I do though. He made me understand. He
told me everything."
"You lie Cordelia. He would never tell you anything that
happened between the two of us."
"The night of the vision I got about
your death. I called you to make sure
you were ok. You left shortly after
that call and drove to Sunnydale and went to Spike. You beat the hell out of him and then you cried and then you
fucked him. The scratches, scars,
bites, and bruises weren't from a group of vamps it was from one. Why didn't you let me help you?"
"You couldn't help me Cordelia. I went to him because I knew I could hurt
him, make him feel physically what I felt emotionally, and it wouldn't kill
him. It would have killed you. That is why I went to him."
"He loved you Faith."
"I know. We talked about us once.
We almost ran off together, but the night before we were set to leave
you almost died due to that stupid ass gang of children. I knew I couldn't leave you like that. I called Spike and told him it was off and
he confessed he was about to call when I did.
Although our feelings for each other were evident and in the open
between us we also realized we could never date each other."
"That gang attacked me over a year
ago."
"I know."
"You would have left it all for
him? All of us for him?"
"I didn't did I?" I snapped.
"I didn't even know you loved
Spike. You played me well."
"No Cordelia. I didn't play you. Spike
and I were not lovers. Even when we
talked of running away the most we had done was kiss a little. I didn't fuck him until 2 months ago."
"He said he loved you, perhaps more than
Buffy."
"I know."
"Did you love him more than Angel?"
"No.
Not even close."
"Then why leave Angel for Spike? Why run
away with Spike?"
"I'm not a good person Cordelia. I do my good deeds now because I feel I have
to atone for my sins, because it keeps me around good company and great
friends, and mostly because when I am good I get to be with Angel. I get this feeling inside me sometimes that
I can't control. A need to be
destructive. I need to beat something
up and sometimes I need to kill. If I
don't get it out of my system then it gets worse. Angel watches me like a hawk and babies me unbelievably. I needed to get away and Spike gave me a way
out. The plan was that he would come
and kick my ass in from of a few demons and we would disappear for good,
together. Only problems lay in us, in
our hearts. He loved Buffy and
Sunnydale. I loved Angel, and you, and
Angel Investigations. So I dealt though
my restlessness and finally got rid of it a month later when I attacked that
pack of demons on the West Dock alone and almost died. It got rid of that feeling and I have been
ok since then until two months ago when I learned I was going to die. I still
have restless bottled feeling. Death
didn't shake it. Knowing I did die but
am still here didn't help it. I know it
has to do with Angel but I can't face him right now. He is human Cordelia, he's human."
"You can't back out on him. He's going through a rough time too. We all are.
He got sentence to death via being a mortal. You aren't talking to him at all, which is killing him."
"I know how he felt about me now. I understand why he was reluctant to get
close and act on his feelings. I was
able to die at any moment, being the Slayer only increased those odds. I am to live forever and he's going to
die."
"He lived with that though. He loved you enough to live with it. He knew you could die and yet he still cared
for you. Don't turn away from him. Don't lock yourself away and hide from him
and from everyone else," Cordelia said.
I remained silent. "We lied
to you about how you were turned. Angel
was going to tell you when he got back from LA but he got sidetracked with the
whole human mortal issue at hand."
"You lied? What do you mean by that?" I asked finally turning to face
her for the first time since she arrived in the bedroom.
"Well Buffy didn't turn you
completely. We think she might have
been able to because of the whole stake through her heart and then into yours,
but we weren't sure. Willow and
Cassandra brought you back here and then they poured vampire blood down your
throat right before you died."
"Who's blood was it? Where did you get vampire blood? Who did this to me? I was finally going to get to die! Who gave them permission to fuck up my life
because I surely didn't!" I yelled at her.
"Spike." She quietly answered and
tears slowly rolled down my face from under the sunglasses.
"He did?" I asked in a tired, meek
voice.
"He did. He drained blood the night before and put it in the frig for you
because he knew Buffy would drain you and he knew that he couldn't save you
alone. He told Willow and Cassandra
their primary mission was to make sure you survived the fight one way or
another. They followed his orders over
yours to save you."
"But why? He's dead now."
"He traded his life for yours. He gave you the blood you needed to survive
and he died in your place sort of. He
did it for you and Angel. So you could
be together forever. He didn't know
about or count on Angel's gift of human life.
He did it to keep you alive because he loved you Faith. He loved you so much, enough to be selfless
and give Angel what he desired for eternity. Spike gave you a beautiful gift
Faith. Never forget that. You may have to drink blood for the rest of
your life and you may not be able to do certain things you used to but you
still can walked into the sunlight and live on this earth. Some of the people
that went into this fight can't do that anymore."
"He was always hardheaded. I told him forever wasn't my kinda
deal. I was a get in, get what I want,
and get out kinda girl. He always knew
me better than my lies."
"Don't close out Angel. Spike did this all so you two could be
together. Don't let Spike's death and
gift go to waste," she told me gently.
She placed a hand on my face gently and kissed my lips softly. "I love you always," she told me
and I nodded to her. I mumbled
"thanks" to her after she left the bedroom.
**********
That night after dinner I walked out to the
backyard to Angel. He was laying in the
hammock in the yard watching the sunset silently.
"I was wondering if you would ever come
back to me," Angel's voice commented as the swing remained completely
still with no movement from him. I
stopped a few inches away from him.
"Take me home Angel," I quietly
whispered to him. He reached his hand
out of the hammock and I interlaced my fingers with his before he tugged me
haphazardly into the swing with him.
**********
Epilogue
Year: 3715
Location: The former United States of America
California Island
I opened my eyes after the flashback ran its
course through my mind. I suddenly felt
tired and realized it was almost sundown.
I had been standing here for 14 hours next to the gravestone at my
feet. I took a deep breath and exhaled
slowly. It was such a crucial part of
my life because it was the beginning of my life. I had never had better friends then I did then. I looked up and noticed the rain had stopped
as the night encompassed the barren plain I stood on.
Over the past centuries I had watched my
friends die, some be born and die, and some stay by my side. Lindsay had died a
year after the attempted Apocalypse in the line of duty at Angel
Investigations. He was out on a routine
sweep with Oz when they were attacked by a huge group of vampires out looking
for Angel and me. They were surrounded
and overpowered and even with Oz turning into a werewolf he was no match for
all of them. Lindsay died the next morning
in the hospital from severe blood loss and other physical injuries. Gunn and Cordelia didn't work out after she
became Immortal. They tried to keep
their relationship together, but the fact that she would live forever bothered
Gunn and they drifted apart. He left LA
and never returned. Giles died at the
age of 98 in Sunnydale. Cassandra was
there at his funeral, mourning the loss of her lover. His death impacted me greatly because I lost a great friend, a
mentor, and a father figure. Oz lived
for about 500 years because of his case of lycanthropy. A werewolf hunter took his
life. I avenged his death shortly
afterwards. We buried Willow about 175
years after Oz. She wasn't a very
strong Immortal and no amount of magic could save her when she needed it. She ventured out on her own one day and we
buried her body the next. Cassandra, after the loss of Willow, was never the
same. I never expected to see her go
but she just lost all desire to fight.
She was buried next to Willow roughly a year after her death. Richie
died a few months later by a freak accident that left him mortally dead and an
Immortal cut off his head before he could return to life. Cordelia's ability to survive did not
surprise me. She, like Amanda, is still
around today. The two of them are still great friends. MacLeod is a difficult
story to tell. He followed us for a
long time. When we lost Oz things in
our group changed. I killed a human man
out of vengeance and Duncan was pissed.
He chose to leave with Amanda, Richie and Dawn and head back to
Scotland. That was all it took for
Methos and Cordelia to hook up. They
have been together for 9+ centuries and love each dearly. We have added a few more to our group over
the years and lost too many to count.
Those who fight our fight are hard to find and even harder to keep.
**********
My lover wrapped their arms around my waist
bringing me back into reality from reliving my past. I leaned back into the embrace immediately feeling a sense of
calm and home wash over me.
"Are you through here?" The voice
of my lover whispered in my ear.
"I could be. I just – god – I hate this – I hate not having any of them around
anymore," I honestly said. Tears
forming in my eyes yet again and I tensed up in my lover's arms.
"You get all depressed every year
Faith. Nothing changes. They are dead and buried – you can't bring
them back. You just need to accept the
fact that they are dead. They have been
dead for almost two millennia now."
"I know. But flesh and blood, you can't escape that. They gave me life from their own blood. I have them in me. I am them in a sense."
"Faith…"
"I am them," I quietly
repeated.
"All right then what do you think they
would be doing if they were here? Would they be in mourning over their dead
friends after 1700 odd years?"
"I don't know. I don't remember."
"You are mourning what you don't
remember?" Confusion evident in the voice behind me.
"I remember their faces, I remember
their smiles and their tears. And I
remember how they died. I remember the
fight that changed my life forever. I
don't remember most of the details but I remember the battle. I come here every year to mourn the loss of
my friends and myself. I lost my life
forever in that battle. I lost
everything that night. My lover became
human and mortal of all things.
Human!" I gently whispered.
"It's ok Faith. I'm here still aren't I?"
"Yes, you are Angel. But I mourn that too. I am your grandchild and your Sire. I turned you back after you were granted
mortality to die like a normal human. I took that away from you because I was
not strong enough – I was too weak to survive without you. I took your mortality, crushed it, and gave
you immortality again," I cried, tears rolling down my still damp
face.
"You never told me you were sorry about
changing me back. Do you regret
it?"
"Yes and no. I am sorry you didn't get your reward of being human. I took that reward and damned you
again. I took away your reward!"
"No Faith. You returned it. It was a
punishment and hell to live without you forever. I had planned already to change you but Spike beat me to it. I told Willow and Cassandra their duty at
that fight was to save you, to hold off your death till I could change you.
Little did I know that Spike had told them the same thing. I don't want to see
forever without you. I am not mad that
you changed me back Faith. I wouldn't
have allowed you to if I didn't want it.
I wouldn't have asked for immortality if I didn't want it," Angel
confessed to me honestly.
"I don't care if you aren't. I should not have done it. I didn't…I shouldn't have done it. I didn't do it right at all. I took away and robbed a warrior of his
honorable death."
"I'll die someday Faith. I only hope I die when you do because I
can't live without you and you can't live without me. But that day is far away Faith.
You and I are happy and safe. We
need to go, however, and meet up with the others. The sunrise will be here before we know it. They will be worried if we do not return
before then. Come now Faith,"
Angel told me. I dropped to my knees in
the mud and looked at the gravestone in front of me. It was weather worn and deteriorating. I kissed the stone gently and whispered: "Forgive me for not
being able to save you all. I hope you
are happy wherever you all are. We'll
meet again someday. This is the last
time I will come. You are forever in my
heart and soul – you will always be remembered. I love you," I whispered, kissed the stone again one last
time, and stood. Angel held out his
hands from atop our horse. I grabbed
his hands and he pulled me up in front of him.
He wrapped one arm around my waist and with the other took the
reins. He nudged Red into a moderate
gait and we headed back several hours to our camp.
**********
I realized then that I was free. Free of guilt of not saving Buffy and her
friends. Free of the guilt over turning
Angel. But the memories and emotions of
my old friends till stayed in my memory.
A star shot across the sky – forever falling – and I smiled. I was going to be ok with Angel. I knew I would meet up with all my old friends
later in my life. Buffy and Spike were
happy together wherever they ended up and they were watching over Angel and
me. I wouldn't meet up with them for
some time though, not until my mission in life was over. I still had bigger battles to fight and even
after all this time people and things to save.
It all made sense to me then, after all this time, everything including
my existence and the existence of those around me made complete sense to me. A dear, dear friend of mine had once argued
"someone has to fight the good fight". To me in that moment I knew without any sense of doubt that me
and my crew were those 'someones'.
End