Dear Wesley


by Jenny




To: WesleyWP@h...
From: Angel@a...
Subject: TRIP

Dear Wesley

How was your trip? I suppose this e-mail will get to England before you do. Does it actually go to England? Or does it stay in America and you just go? Give me back pen and paper! Seems such a long time you've been gone, but I only dropped you off at the airport tonight. Seems longer. Anyway, how's England. Weather still awful? Things here are…alright. So far. I've just…

Sorry about that. I heard a crash. And a scream. But it's OK. So, as I was saying, how's Eng…Oh God Wes, when are you comingback…I can't stand it any longer. Can't stand HIM any longer. Please come back.

Love Angel


To: Angel@a...
From: WesleyWP@h...
Subject: HIM

Dear Angel

Maybe I should lend you my quill! England is lovely. Wet. Cold. But lovely. Actually, it seems rather beautiful at the moment. Very peaceful. Very far from LA. I'm sorry things are not going too well. But it's rather what I expected if you remember, when you brought HIM to LA. I'm sorry Angel, but sometimes you have to lie in your own bed. The one you make that is. What is that expression? Oh…must go, tea's ready.

Love Wesley


To: WesleyWP@h...
From: Angel@a...
Subject: Re: HIM

Wesley

Fuck you and no I don't swear at you normally, but this is different. And whose bloody suggestion (oh God, am I'm starting to sound like him too now?), whose suggestion was it that I bring him to LA??? If you remember a little conversation over Pizza one night. Pizza which I paid for and you and Cordelia ate. If youremember…you said, why don't we bring HIM here. All I did was to agree to think about it.So it's totally your fault and I want you to come back NOW.

Angel


To: Angel@a...
From: WesleyWP@h...
Subject: Re: HIM

Angel

I really didn't like the tone of your last. I paid my share I seem to recall. Anyway…I only suggested bringing HIM to LA toalleviate some of the problems he was causing in Sunnydale. I suggested putting him to work killing demons. I didn't say let him install himself in your apartment and sit around all day drinking your beer and eating junk food. Food that, I might remind you, Cordelia and I shop and pay for. So get a backbone man and start disciplining him.

Love (still) Wesley


To: WesleyWP@h...
From: Angel@a...
Subject: HIM AGAIN

Dear Wes

Sorry. It's HIM. He makes me like this. Crazy. I hear the swearing in my head now. All day, all night. I'm going crazy. Each day the sun seems more attractive. But I'm almost afraid to end it in case he follows me to hell.

Sorry, Angel


To: Angel@a...
From: WesleyWP@h...
Subject: Re: HIM AGAIN

Dear Angel

Stop being so melodramatic. I've told you what to do. Discipline him. Give him jobs. Get him a hobby. STOP letting him run your life and tell him to stop swearing. Really man, you are 250 years old. Start acting like it.

Getting really cross, Wesley.


To: WesleyWP@h...
From: Angel@a...
Subject: Re: HIM AGAIN

Wesley

Thanks a fuc…just thanks. For nothing. Sorry I haven't been in touch for a day. I lost my computer in the fire. Had to buy a new one. We had a small fire yesterday. No…I'm not hurt. I wasout. HE was in. I gave him a job. Laundry then ironing. He seemed a little…put out when I suggested it. Then the fire. But it's alright. Only a few things got burnt. My things. But only a few. So thanks. Good suggestion.

Angel


To: Angel@a...
From: WesleyWP@h...
Subject: WHERABOUTS CORDELIA?

Angel

I really am worried now. Where is Cordelia? I expressly told her NOT to let HIM near anything that could catch fire. She is supposed to be on watch. For him. Where is she?

Wes


To: WesleyWP@h...
From: Angel@a...
Subject: Re: WHERABOUTS CORDELIA?

Dear W

She got an audition and got the part! Incredible. She is in Mexico for 2 weeks. She's playing a Mayan sacrifice. Yes, I know. That's what I thought too! So, she can't help me. No one can. I enclose her contact e-mail address with this. promqueen265@h...

A


To: promqueen265@h...
From: WesleyWP@h...
Subject: BEING AWOL

Dear Cordelia

I left you in charge. What happened? Poor Angel is all alone with HIM. And he's not coping very well. Please reply forthwith.

Wesley


To: Angel@a...
From: WesleyWP@h...
Subject: COMING HOME

Dear Angel

I'm coming back on the next plane I can get. I'm sorry. You should never have been left all alone with HIM. Too much for anyone. Hold on. I'm coming.

Wesley


To: WesleyWP@h...
From: promqueen265@h...
Subject: Re: BEING AWOL

Hi Wes

I had a part! And stop being such a wuss. Angel's just being Angel. Oh, and from what HE told me, Angel and him are getting along JUST FINE!!! If you get my meaning.

CC


To: WesleyWP@h...
From: Angel@a...
Subject: Re: COMING HOME

Dear Wes

Don't come. I am being melodramatic, you were right. He's beenmuch better since the fire. I got him cable television and it's been wonderful. So I'm alright. Really.

Angel


To: promqueen265@h...
From: WesleyWP@h...
Subject: CRYPTIC MESSAGE

Dear Cordelia

Your grammar, as usual, leaves much to be desired. No, I do not 'get your meaning' as you so cryptically put it. Please elaborate.

Wesley


To: Angel@a...
From: WesleyWP@h...
Subject: Re: COMING HOME

Dear Angel

I'm glad. It's a very effective form of control you know. Television. If he likes it, it can be withdrawn. To gain a point. Try it. I have heard from Cordelia! She seems to have coped better with HIM than any of us. They had some illuminating chats apparently.

Love Wesley


To: WesleyWP@h...
From: Angel@a...
Subject: HIS LIES

W

What did she say, HE said? It's all lies you know. He's an inventive little shit. Sorry. But he really annoys me about this. It's NOT true. Please tell Cordelia so.

A


To: promqueen265@h...
From: Angel@a...
Subject: HIS LIES

Dear Cordy

What did HE tell you? And do you really believe any rubbish he says? Please don't spread HIS lies to Wesley.

Angel


To: WesleyWP@h...
From: promqueen265@h...
Subject: Re: CRYPTIC MESSAGE

Hi Wes

Hah! Thought so. Angel's just confirmed everything HE told me! LOL

Cordy


To: promqueen265@h...
From: WesleyWP@h...
Subject: Re: CRYPTIC MESSAGE

Dear Cordelia

WHAT? And LOL?

Wesley


To: WesleyWP@h...
From: promqueen265@h...
Subject: Re: CRYPTIC MESSAGE

Dear Wes

Duh! Can tell you don't usually e-mail. Anyway. HE told me that things between them were just a little too friendly…youknow…they're getting groiny downstairs when we're upstairs working. Didn't you ever wonder why Angel used to go downstairs in one outfit and come back up in another AND WITH HIS HAIR WET!!!! Makes sense now huh?

C


To: promqueen265@h...
From: WesleyWP@h...
Subject: Re: CRYPTIC MESSAGE

Cordelia

I am shocked and frankly rather saddened by your last. I'm sure you are completely mistaken. Of course, I don't really notice what Angel is wearing, and his hair always looks a bit wet to me! (ha ha) So I think it's best we both try to ignore HIS fibs. It seems to me he's just trying to cause trouble.

Wesley


To: WesleyWP@h...
From: promqueen265@h...
Subject: Re: CRYPTIC MESSAGE

W

He was quite descriptive!

C


To: promqueen265@h...
From: WesleyWP@h...
Subject: Re: CRYPTIC MESSAGE

C

REALLY?

W


To: WesleyWP@h...
From: promqueen265@h...
Re: CRYPTIC MESSAGE

W

Oh yeah!

C


To: Angel@a...
From: WesleyWP@h...
Subject: UNBELIEVABLY HIM AGAIN

Dear Angel

I am afraid I have something unpleasant to discuss with you. I feel I should come back and discuss this in person, but I don't feel comfortable until this is quite in the open. Until you are quite in the open that is. Is it true? Is what HE says about you…anderr…your…err…sleeping arrangements true? I know it's none of my business. But in a way it is. How can you complain of his behavior when this is going on? It undermines your authority.

Yours, Wesley


To: promqueen265@h...
From: Angel@a...
Subject: IT IS ALL LIES!

Cordelia

I told you not to write to Wesley re HIS lies. I mean, is it really likely? Look at me!

A


To: Angel@a...
From: promqueen265@h...
Subject: Re: IT IS ALL LIES!

AngelI do and yes.

Stop being a wuss. You're in LA, it's almost compulsory. Besides, don't deny it cus it's so obvious. Have you never seen the way HE looks at you when he thinks you aren't looking? I'm talking besotted here!

C


To: promqueen265@h...
From: williamthebloody@h...
Subject: LOOKING

Hey Bint

In case you didn't fucking know, I know the poof's password. (soddin' 'cherubim' weren't too hard to figure out). You are SO wrong. I may be shagging him, but I have NEVER EVER 'looked' at him. He's the frigging poof, not me. So fuck off.

psHow's Mexico?

Me


To: promqueen265@h...
From: Angel@a...
Subject: NEW PASSWORD

Dear Cordelia

I have an awful feeling HE's been reading my emails. I have changed my password. And does he really look at me? Not that anything is going on, but I'd like to know. Exactly what does he look like when he's looking. At me.

Love Angel


To: williamthebloody@h...
From: promqueen265@h...
Subject: Re: LOOKING

Hi Blondie

You do. All the time. You are in LURV!!! Mexico's great. Saw a pyramid today. Why did they have Egyptians here?

C


To: promqueen265@h...
From: williamthebloody@h...
Subject: BIMBO BRAIN

Prom Queen

You stupid Bint

They're Aztecs or something.

Me


To: WesleyWP@h...
From: Angel@a...
Subject: Re: UNBELIEVABLY HIM AGAIN

Dear Wesley

I've given your last some careful consideration and I really don't know what to say. There is nothing going on between HIM and me. It's too awful to contemplate.

Angel


To: WesleyWP@h...
From: williamthebloody@h...
Subject: ME

Watcher

You know he's fucking lying don't ya? I'll tell ya shallI…what's going on? With our 'sleeping arrangements,' jees Wes, get a life! It's called shagging Mate and it's fucking brilliant. Fact the poof's just finished sucking me off and he swalowed every drop! So undermine that yer tosser!

Me


To: williamthebloody@h...
From: WesleyWP@h...
Subject: Re: ME

I won't stoop so low as to read the appalling, obscene e-mail you sent me. I reply on it, unread. Please DO NOT write to me again. I am having a retreat. A rest. From you, if you must know. And swallow is spelt with two ls.

Wesley Wyndham Pryce


The Retreat
Cunningforth
Buckinghamshire

Rupert Giles
Bueno Vista Apartments
Sunnydale
CA

Dear Rupert

I am really rather concerned about Angel. He's been left alonewith…err…the problem. Do you think you or Buffy could pop up to LAand see him? There seems to be a rather odd situation developing and I am too far away to sort the truth from here.

Yours as ever,
Wesley


To: Angel@a...
From: WesleyWP@h...
Subject: HIM HIM HIM

Dear A

I do not appreciate my e-mails to you clearly being intercepted and read. By HIM. Nor do I appreciate graphic descriptions of your sexual activities being sent to me. Please tell him to stop.

Wesley


Hyperion Hotel
LA
Wesley Wyndham-Pryce
The Retreat
Cunningforth
Buckinghamshire

Dear Wesley

I am very glad you contacted me. I arrived here a few hours ago and it was far worse than you described. Angel appears to have had some sort of accident. Not serious, but he wouldn't elaborate. It seems to be linked to the absence of the television. Don't ask me how or why. It's all I could get out of either of them as they are not speaking either to me or to each other. So it's rather quiet here. I shall catch up on some other correspondence I think. Oh, do you think you could bring me back a packet of Rich Tea? Dunking these appalling American cookies is just not the same.

Yours, Rupert


To: Angel@a...
From: williamthebloody@h...
Subject: YOU - BEIN' A TOSSER

Hey Poof

Why aren't you talking to me then? You're the one who took me bleeding telly away. Why shouldn't I write to Wes. Dear oleWes. I missed 'im. Just being friendly. An' if you didn't want me to read your emails you shoulda come up with a better new 8-letter password than fucking 'vampires'. Ponce. Sorry about your head, but if you hadn't have tried to snatch MY TV from me…

Me


To: williamthebloody@h...
From: Angel@a...
Subject: SELF EXPLANATORY

I am not speaking to you.


To: Angel@a...
From: williamthebloody@h...
Subject: TALK TO ME - PLEASE

Peaches

Come on. I'll have to talk to the Watcher soon if yer don't talk to me. Come on Angel. Stop being such a poof.

Meeee


To: williamthebloody@h...
From: Angel@a...
Subject: STOP EMAILING ME

You lie, you destroy. I hate you.


To: Angel@a...
From: williamthebloody@h...
Subject: WHAT YOU WANT

Luv

None of it's really a lie now is it? Come on, you know you want me. Don't tell me you don't think about me you ponce. I've seen you watching me when I was watching telly. WHEN I COULD WATCH TELLY! Don't tell me you aren't wondering what I'm doing right now. Shall I put me other hand on me thigh as I'm writing this? Ahh, that's better, just stroking meself a little bit, feels good, you should try it.

Me again


To: williamthebloody@h...
From: Angel@a...
Re: WHAT YOU WANT

You are foul. You are disgusting. What are you doing now?


Hyperion Hotel
LA
Wesley Wyndham-Pryce
The Retreat
Cunningforth
Buckinghamshire

Dear Wesley

I really think I must get back to Sunnydale. Not that I haven't enjoyed my stay here. Angel really does have a fascinating collection of manuscripts…but things are getting distinctly odd. I feel quite out of my depth really. They are talking again. All the time actually. It would get rather tiring if they didn't spend a lot of time downstairs, on their own. So I'm at a loose end. Do remember the biscuits won't you.

All the best, Rupert


To: Angel@a...
From: WesleyWP@h...
Subject: COMING NOW

Dear Angel

I'm cutting my retreat short and I'm coming back. I really amvery worried. Rupert has just sent the strangest account of his time there.

Wesley


To: WesleyWP@h...
From: Angel@a...
Subject: Re: COMING NOW

Dear Wesley

I am. So don't.

Love Angel


End