The Bathroom's Always Open

by Karen

Devon was tired of waiting. Oz had promised to be at band practice by nine. It was eleven and no little hair dyed freak. So Devon left to find the lil runt. But the guy wasn't hiding out at Willow's. No lights were on. And when Devon hit the Bronze it was empty as hell. So he decided to go to that librarian guy's house. Oz hung out there sometimes. Devon didn't pretend to understand it. He just accepted. There was weirdness about Oz.

So he went across town to the creepy house. Walking down the steps to the overly ornate wooden door with inlaid panels, he knocked. The door was pushed open by the force of his knuckles. Devon leaned in. "Oz?"

A soft voice said. "Yeah."

He stepped inside. Everything was dark. Devon called out again, "Oz? You in here?"

"Well, somebody's in here." The voice said again, slightly sarcastic.

Devon flipped a light switch. There was no one in the living room. Devon moved forward and saw a pile of books and papers. A notepad with Oz's quirky writing sat on the desk. He tapped it and the pencil rolled free. The words said, "Flesh eaters. Stakable." Plus a whole bunch of bizarre symbols.

"Oz?" Devon called for a third time.

"Oz?" Someone echoed in a false girlie voice. "He's not here."

"Yeah?" Devon followed the sound of the voice. It was accented like Billy Idol or Mick Jagger or something. "So who is here?"

"Come in to my parlor said the guy chained to the bloody bathtub." The voice said.

Curious, Devon walked into the hall and down to where he would think the bathroom was. The voice rang out again. "You're getting warmer Goldilocks."

He pushed the door hallway open. "You're not like a freak or something that's killed Oz or some shit like that?"

"I'd kill Oz. Maybe even drain him dry and make him one. Just as an experiment. Kitten would like that. Like puppies. Always have..." The voice rambled.

Devon flicked a light switch.

"JESUS I'M BLIND!" The voice yelled.

Devon's eyes widened. Hog tied and chained to the bathtub was this guy who not only sounded like Billy Idol...He looked like him. Something right out of freaking White Wedding. "Dude."

"Oh, hallo." He mumbled cordially. "Got a knife or perhaps a paperclip? That guy on TV can get out of anything with one of those lil bastards.." He had a black on red on black ensemble with bleached hair and blue eyes. Devon was impressed.

"Hey. Librarian guy is into some kinky shit, isn't he?" He motioned towards the chains.

"Oh yes, I'm his bitch. We're very happy." The guy looked down at his black lacquered nails. "Can you at least pretend to be intelligent? I'm a bloody prisoner. Make with the Amnesty International."

"No way." Devon backed away. "You're like some escaped murderer. I bet Oz caught your ass and stuck you in here till he could get the cops."

"Oh yes. Oz caught my ass." The guy returned with inflection.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Devon moved farther into the library.

The guy rolled his eyes, "I'm implying that Oz is gay. Buy a vowel or something. Who the hell are you anyway?"

"Devon. I'm in Oz's band."

"Spike. I'm in Giles' bathtub."

Devon glared.

"All right. I admit I am a kept man. So if you would be so kind..I can be on my way.."

"I'm not fucking stupid."

Spike raised an eyebrow. "Well, I won't debate that one with you."

Devon was getting aggravated. "Where the hell is Oz?"

"Where the hell is Oz? Wouldn't a better question be, why the hell are you standing in a bathroom talking to a grown man chained to a tub? I could make marks about your sanity right now..."

"I should kick your ass." Devon growled. This guy was really annoying.

"My ass is coming up a lot in this conversation."

"Shut up." This wasn't helping with the Oz search. "Now tell me, was Oz here?"

Spike stared up at him. He didn't say a word. Devon waited. Spike watched him. "Well?"

"Which is it? Shut up or tell you if Oz was here? Because I'm a little confused on what you actually want here." His eyes sparkled.

"You're not going to tell me anything, are you?" This guy with his black leather duster and Billy Idol wannabe hair was just fucking with his head.

"No." He admitted

. Devon kicked the tub. "Why not?"

Spike looked a little sheepish. "This is the most interesting conversation I've had all week. I tell you were Oz is and you leave. This bathroom is mind numbing. The least he could have for me is a damned rubber ducky!"

"You're bored?"

"Yeah, sort of."

Devon walked out of the bathroom.


"Check on Spike, will you Oz?" Giles called as he wiped a bit of flesh eating entrails off his face. "And everyone remember to remove your shoes..I'll never get this out of the rug."

Oz walked into the bathroom. It was quiet. The light was out. He could have sworn they'd left it on for Spike. Flicking the switch, Oz was startled.

Spike was covered in sticky post its. A rainbow of them ran all over him and onto the edge of the tub. A gag had been stuffed into Spike's mouth. Oz walked over and grabbed a post it. "Call me-Devon." He pulled the gag out. "What happened?"

"I told him I was bored."

"So he stuck post its all over you?"

Spike sighed. "Your band has got to be really fucked up."

Oz stared. "You're naked under those post-its."

"Totally fucked up."

The End.