Restoration 4
By Patricia R.D.


“Ah, Slayer...” Spike started to say.

“Come on, Spike,” Buffy sat down beside him. “I thought you liked parties.”

“Only if the party includes human blood, a Sex Pistols CD and a some railroad spikes.”

“I can get you the Sex Pistols CD, but would you be happy with some pigs blood and Buffalo wings instead of the other things?”

Spike shrugged. They were at his new place, a crypt he had moved in a few days before, after discovering he could hurt demons. He wanted to be as independent as possible. A difficult task when you’re a vampire who can’t bite.

“Please, I’d like to see you there,” Buffy said.

“Like the rest of your friends. Because they love me so much,” the blond vampire replied with a sarcastic grin. Buffy sat down beside him on the bed and held his hand.

“I’m your friend. And I’ll be happy if you go.”

Spike looked at her. She considered him a friend...


“Really. Now, will you come or will I have to drag you there?”

“You think you can take me, ducks?”

“Oh, I do.”

“We’ll have to see that later. So when’s the party?”


The party was being held outdoors by some of Buffy’s college friends. From his position in the shadows Spike could see everyone on the improvised dance floor. Not too long ago, he would have joined the young people in front of him and selected one of them as his food. Now all he could was stare at them.

Or more properly, stare at Buffy.

I went in the desert
I went searching for the truth
I stumbled across you and I
Know you’re not the truth

She looked so beautiful with her black long skirt and red tube top, her blond hair falling freely down her back. It was truly a vision, Spike thought. A goddess of light and all things good and beautiful. And he just couldn’t believe it.

He was in love with the Slayer.

When it had started? Spike thought it had been that night in the sewers. When they had shared their first and only kiss. Afterwards, he had started to notice things that had remained unknown to him. The way her green eyes sparkled when she was happy. The inner strength that seemed to radiate from her being mixed with that particular frailty that so Buffy. How she would flip her hair in a flirty gesture towards any guy... except him.

Guys like Riley Finn, for instance. Stupid mama’s boy who didn’t deserve a woman such as Buffy. She deserved a man who knew about her slayer status and still support her. A man strong enough to help her in her constant struggle against the forces of darkness. And he wanted to be that man so badly.

I went in the ocean
I came looking for some love
All I found is that I found
I haven’t found enough

But he wasn’t man enough for her. At least not now with that damn microchip inside his head, poisoning his brain, banning him from his own world and the human world at the same time. He now, in a way, understood Angel’s dilemma.


His sire was the other part of his problem.

The moment he had gathered up the courage to walk towards Buffy and declare his feelings for her, even if it was before the eyes of Lilac Corncob himself, he had spotted his sire a few feet away from them.

I stand alone now
I stand alone
Can you save me from myself?



His sire. His lover. His friend.

The man that loved Buffy with every part of his being.

Angelus had stole Drusilla away from Spike after loosing his soul. But Spike had to be the first one to admit that his sire had given Drusilla to him in the first place.

Buffy was Angel’s woman, even if she was dancing in the arms of other man.

You are my temptation
To do what I know is
You are my temptation
To do what I knew is wrong

And he couldn’t do that to him. Angel was suffering enough by watching Riley and Buffy together. If he tried to claim her in front of Angel, it would be more than the dark-haired vampire could stand.

What I knew is wrong with you
They’ve been killing children
And nobody seems to care

Spike knew he couldn’t go after Buffy, at least not now, while his sire still suffered for their impossible love. It would kill him.

The only option Spike had was to suffer for the slayer in silence until Angel could move on.

And if Angel’s suffering lasted at least a lifetime...

They’ve been laughing at my god
My god I wouldn’t dare

Angel covered his face with one hand and blended in the shadows. Spike knew he would go home and scream in pain at his lost love. The blond vampire couldn’t blame him.

He was about to do the same thing.

Sighting, Spike walked away from the party, feeling the weight of the world resting on his aching shoulders.

You are my temptation