Heart To Heart

By Patricia R.D.


Iīve love and been a snide
Iīve had my fill my share of beating
And now the tears subside
I find it all so amusing to think I killed a cat
And my say no in a dull way
Oh no, oh no not me
I did it my way.

His plan was beyond great. As he had said, he was going to find her, tie her up and torture her until she loved him again. Delicious evil thoughts danced around Spikeīs head. He remembered Druīs words: "Everything in my head is singing!"

Yep, it was singing all right. To the tune of his favorite song.

For what is a threat
What he got if not respect
And he cannot say the things he truly feels
And not the words of one who kneels
The record shows I took the blows
And did my way

Suddenly it happened. Pain hit him violently, like a bolt. Spike lost control of the car for a few seconds and almost hit a Toyota 4-Runner coming in the opposite direction. Using all his self control, he managed to park on the side of the road. It took several minutes for the pain to go away a little. Spike wondered if that crap about vampires no needing oxygen was a lie, because he was now gasping for air like crazy, one hand on his chest and the other holding the wheel.

He knew what had just happened.

And as much as he hated to admit it, he had to go back.


"Angel?" Spike called as he entered the mansion. Nobody answered, but he knew he was there. He could feel it. He went directly to his sireīs room, where a stench of alcohol and some other illegal substances greeted him. And there he found Angel.

He was laying on the bed, barefoot and shirtless. Beside him Spike could see a small, dirty mirror, along with several empty bottles of Whiskey. Shaking his head, he went closer to his Sire. Angel looked up.

"What the f... Whatīre ye doing here?" he said. "You had to turter Dru. Tips? Tie her up and fuck her up te ash!"

"What happened, Angel?" Spike asked.

"Noshing. Everythinīs cool... No, ish not! Yer faul!" He threw a bottle at Spike, but missed the shot.

The younger vampire sat beside him on the bed. "You need a cold shower, mate."

"Me needs shome..." He gestured towards the mirror.

Spike took it and saw the remains of white powder. "I thought this was out of your life now, but I guess no soulful vamp is perfect."

"Shut your fukinī hedoff," Angel mumbled. "Tis ish your fault!"

"Why? What did I do?"

"You shaid wewuld never be frenchs... and she shaid yesh, and she lef and Iīm not witsh her more!" He started to cry like a little boy. Spike moved the mirror and bottles away and brought Angel closer to him, letting him lay his head on his shoulder and cry for a little bit. After a while, he put one arm around Angelīs waist and stood up with him.

"Letīs go," he said.


Angel didnīt fight him, but he wasnīt a big help, either. Spike almost had to carry him to the bathroom. Once there, he made Angel sit in the floor as he prepared a hot bath for him. He was going to go with a cold shower at first, but maybe a hot bath was what they needed now. When the tub was full he took his clothes off and helped Angel with his pants and underwear. Then Spike helped him get inside the tub.

"Is it too hot?" Spike asked. Angel shook his head. .Spike made him sit down and followed him there, making Angel lay his head on the younger vampireīs chest. He seemed to relax a little bit. Spike took a bar of soap and started rubbing hir sireīs shoulders. Angel moaned softly as Spike moved down to his arms and chest.

Angel suddenly moved one arm up and hooked it around his childeīs neck, pulling him down for a kiss. "Will...," he whispered.

Spike leaned over and took Angelīs lips into his, savoring a never forgotten taste, even tainted by liquor and drugs. Angelīs tongue made his way through Spikeīs teeth, finding another tongue ready for anything he wanted. Their tongues dances and wrestled for a long time, as Spike let the soap fall in the water so he could touch Angelīs skin with his bare hands. Angel broke the kiss and turned around. He was still under the influence of his "companions," but Spike didnīt care. He wanted him. He had known Angel was in pain and he had come back to help him.

Angel took Spikeīs face between his hands and stared at him. "Youīre... pretty," he whispered, his voice a little clearer now. "Thatīs why I made you... You were so pretty." He let Spikeīs face go and started sinking in the water. Spike was about to stop him when he felt Angle's big hands holding his hips. He realized what his sire was about to do and relaxed, shuddering only when he felt Angelīs mouth descending over his hard cock.

No crap. Vampires didnīt need oxygen.

Underwater, Angel licked gently the tip of Spikeīs erection before taking as much as he could in his mouth. He continued his ministrations for a while, sucking and licking, feeling Spikeīs hips bucking against him, signaling his upcoming orgasm. Angel opened his mouth even more, swallowing his childeīs juices as he came. Spike arched hips into Angel, shivering in pleasure and moaning his sireīs name.

He was still trembling when Angel came out of the water, licking his lips. "Like it?"

Spike nodded, still unable to speak. It had been so long since they last time they had been together like this, but Angel was still able to make him feel...

"Remember Shadows?" Angel said suddenly.


"Shadows. Black, green eyes, liked to sleep with us."

Spike remembered. "Oh Shadows... The cat." Angel nodded. "Cool cat, wasnīt it? You remind of her now."


Angel just sighed. Spike moved closer to him and kissed his neck. Angel backed up. "What?" Spike asked.

"Nothing. I just... happiness, remember?"


Angel laid his head on Spikeīs shoulder again and closed his eyes. "Sorry ībout Dru."

"Itīs okay. Sheīs kinda fickle like you said."

Angel chuckled. Spike helped him stand up and wrapped him in a towel. Together they went to Spikeīs room and cuddled together in the bed. It felt good. Being together, sharing a bed felt so good, even after all those years. Angel pressed his cheek against Spikeīs. "You know, you could do much better."

"You mean finding another girl?"


"What about you?"

"I canīt. Iīm bound to her forever. I like it though."

"Well. Iīm not waving a finger at you mate." They laid in silence after that. Still, Spike couldnīt help wondering... "Angel?" He said after a while.


"Why do I remind you of Shadows?"

Angel shrugged, drifting to sleep as he talked. "Well, I loved her. She was my favorite pet, even after I brought horses and dogs and birds to the house. And I treated her badly, and I made her suffer... still, she was there. She always forgave me. When I lost my soul, she was there for me. She was my only companion after that. When she died, I felt like I had lost a part of me. Iīve never had another pet since then. And...what Iīm trying to say is... She loved me even after I hurt her, she was there for me when I had nobody else, and I knew it wouldnīt be like that forever, but I treasure those moments... like this one."

Angel ran a finger along Spikeīs jaw and smiled. "When you said that stuff about lovers never being friends, I knew you werenīt talking about me and Buffy alone, or you and Drusilla. You are wrong, Spike. We can be friends. We are friends."

"You think so?"

"I know so. Thatīs why I didnīt let Buffy kill you. I told her it was so we could find the others with your help, but I was protecting you."


"Youīre worth it... Good night, William."

"Good night, Angelus."

When he was sure Angel was asleep, Spike moved a little so he could stare at his sire. He really was an angel when he slept, his face so innocent and devoid of any evil...

"You know, Iīm thankful you made me, mate," he said. "When I think about it, you were more than a lover and a friend to me. You were a teacher, a protector... the father I never had. You can feel guilty about all of your children, Angel. But the truth is you did us all a big favor. Dru would have killed herself anyway, and Lou and Penn and Trevor... the whole gang would have led sappy lives. In the end, we are thankful to you mate. Specially me."

He laid a kiss on Angelīs cheek and joined on his sleep.


Angel woke up alone the next morning. He stood up and grabbed a bathrobe he found on the edge of the bed. He walked around the mansion, finding everything clean and in order, even his room. Smiling, he sat on the bed and looked around. He was alone again.

But in a way, he wasnīt as lonely as before.


Spike drove out of Sunnydale, whistling a happy tune. He felt even better than before. He was still going after Dru, but after his heart to heart with Angel, he was happy to realize she wasnīt the center of his universe anymore. Angel would sooner or later accept that was his reality too. And only then he could make a decision about his life. He would either win her back or move on.

And whatever decision he made, he hoped for the best.

And more much more than this
I did my way