This was wrong.
I knew it the moment I got there.
I don't know where I'm going or what the hell is happening. Suddenly I'm just
running. And I feel this horrible, blind panic. I don't like it at all. I reach
the warehouse where Dru and I first lived when we came to Sunnydale and I just
stand there, staring at it a moment. Memories. I take a deep breath, sigh and
enter the bloody place.
I walk in and the The Slayer is all set to marry Angel. Ugh- it was like a
bad nightmare. Not that many nightmares are good- I suppose that's why they're
nightmares, but - bloody hell, you know what I mean. The point is, I immediately
know this is bloody awful. The place looked nice- candles, flowers, the whole
deal. And, as usual, the Slayer looks beautiful. Wait- did I just say beautiful?
Since when did I think of the Slayer as beautiful? I'd appreciated her looks
before, even lusted after her a little, but my heart was doing a regular old
freakin' tango now, seeing her in a wedding gown on the verge of marrying
And yet I'm surprised. I knew immediately that I had to stop this wedding.
Even running through sunlight was no obstacle. Which was weird. Why was I
running through sunlight?
And for the Slayer?
She looks bloody amazing. All confused and lost, and she's wearing this white
gown that looks incredible on her. And she's holding tulips. And for some reason
I know she hates tulips. She hates this whole situation. I can feel it.
Why the hell can I feel it?
What in fuck's name was going on? I understand suddenly- the empathy with
Buffy, the being in sunlight- this is a dream. A bizarre, twisted dream, but
then again, most of my dreams *are*.
I glance over at the other company. The redhead and that boy I kidnaped last
time I was in Sunnyhell are standing together. And two other teenagers I've
never seen before are near them. Joyce is standing with the Watcher and they
seem very uneasy around each other. Hmm, wonder what the story is there?
I feel so...alone. No one has noticed me yet and I feel as though I've
already lost the Slayer. Brood Boy looks miserable. Bloody pansy probably
doesn't even realize how fortunate he is to have someone like the Slayer.
Or- to have had someone like the Slayer. She didn't love him. It was plain as
day to me suddenly. One of the perks of it being a dream, I suppose. It had been
just an obsession for her. She'd been so dependant on Angelus I don't think she
even realized that she didn't love him. I mean, I don't think I'd ever really
seen them happy together. True, maybe that was partly me and my trying to kill
the both of them, but c'mon, can it be *all* blamed on me?
"Stop!" I hear the scream echo through the building and then I realize
suddenly it was me. "Don't do it, Slayer!" What in fuck's name was I babbling
about? Leave her be, you wanker!
She whirls around and looks at me with her eyes open wide, confusion running
rampant across her face. Cor, she was beautiful.
I feel so scared. Bugger, if she goes off with Angel...I don't think I could
handle that. First Dru, now the Slayer? I mean, the Slayer has always
been...I've never had her but if I try to win and she stays with ‘I Have One
Facial Expression' Guy, I think I'll bloody heave all over myself.
"Don't marry him, Slayer-"
She interrupts me to ask, "Is this a dream?" Her friends all gasp; I guess
because she questions the whole situation, which is a big no-no.
Well, duh. I guess mortals really *are* slower. "Of course it is," I answer.
How the hell do I know all this? I don't really think about it; the words just
come out of my mouth. "But that doesn't mean it has no basis in reality."
"Big words, Spike."
I walk towards her and take her arm gently, not wanting to make her feel
pressured. "I have my moments." Or make her want to stake me. "You don't want
this and you know it. You need to walk away."
"With you?" she asks disbelievingly. "Why would I ditch my wedding to run off
with my enemy?"
I grin at her. "Fun?" Then I become somber and explain, "It isn't meant to
be. You don't love him."
"And I love you?" she asks. I don't know if she meant it to come out so
harsh, but dammit, it stings. I nearly wince in pain.
The brown haired friend of hers says softly, "Harsh." I don't even look over,
though. I just stare at the floor. Finally, after a bit of a silence I speak
"I'm not saying that you love me, Slayer. Bugger it all, I don't love you
either, so don't flatter yourself. But maybe me an' you could have something
together. It would be better than with Angel, anyhow. You haven't been truly
happy with in that blasted relationship since the day you met. It's always been
conflict and issues to be worked out with him."
"True, I do know that. But how do you?"
I smirk at her, my anger and bitterness still there, but I try not to take it
out on her. I'm sure she didn't mean it, because her expression shows severe
signs of regret. I tilt my head to the side and reply, "This is a dream. I can
know whatever the hell I need to know for its purposes."
She glances at Soul Boy, and I immediately worry that she's still thinking of
returning to the wedding, so I tighten my grip on her arm a bit. "I can make you
happy- and not just in this dream. Find me." I can't lose her now. I don't want
to be all alone. "Dru ain't takin' me back anytime soon and I've had feelings
for you since we met." I look into her eyes so she understands how serious I am.
"Find me Slay- " I rethink that, adding her name. "Buffy. Please."
She blinks after hearing me use her name and I know it's bizarre. But it
feels good to be able to say it. Buffy. Slayer. Buffy.
She looks back over at her ex-lap dog, and I just continue to stare at her.
Then she looks at her friends. Red kisses that whelp that I had beaten up and
then makes some gesture that Buffy should go with me. Hmm, maybe I was too hard
on her the last time that I was in Sunnydale, I think, and then Joyce says,
"Leave, before I ground you forever for running off with a soul-less demon."
Buffy smiles and teases, "Is that a threat?" I've always liked Joyce.
She notices some guy in the far corner, I dunno who he is but he waves some
tickets into the air at her. I start to wonder about the symbolism of that, when
the Slayer turns to me and speaks. "Let's bail."
I grin, but my mind is in a whirl. I stare at her in shock, my brain not
completely understanding. "Are you bloody serious?" She takes my hand and I look
down at our entwined hands- completely disbelieving. She's choosing me? Shit.
"You sure, luv?"
"No," she replies, still that smart-ass Slayer I always loved to fight with.
"But if you annoy me or kill anyone, I can totally kick your ass."
I snort in reply. "You wish."
I roll my eyes and to shut her up pull her towards the doors. She pushes them
open and we step out into the sunlight. I just stand there, staring up at sky.
Cor, it's amazing. I could stay out here forever, just watching it. "I haven't
seen the sun in over a century," I tell the Slayer.
"Didn't you see it on the way into the warehouse?"
I shake my head. "Too busy trying to stop you. I didn't pay attention." I
grin and begin turning around in a circle, my arms spread wide. I wonder if,
when the Slayer used to dream about Soul Boy, he was ever in the sun. Probably.
I wonder if he ever realized how incredible it was. It feels so warm on my face
and the feeling of it is almost staggering.
I notice her watching me and she has this adorable little half-smile on her
face. I think that the Slayer and me might actually end up happy. Together.
Whoa, that's a highly disturbing thought. She grabs my arm to stop me and says,
I stop and stare at her. "No, pet, thank you- for coming with me." I grab her
around the waist and pull her close. She stiffens immediately and I can see her
flinch, so I let go. I should remember to be more careful. She isn't used to me
touching her to do anything other then fight, to be honest. So I decide to try
the tentative route- give her time to pull away if she has to and all. I lean
down slowly and gently press my lips against hers. It feels perfect. I don't
want to pull away but I do. I stare at her to see her response.
If she pulls out a stake I'm out of here...
She starts to smile and takes my hand again, leading me away from the
warehouse. "C'mon," she says again, and we break into a run. I have the feeling
that I've seen this before in a movie- possibly a few of them. Which one am I
thinking of...it had that Dustin Hoffman guy...ahh, ‘The Graduate'.
I hear knocking at the door and I groan. I yawn and open my eyes slowly, then
sit up in bed. Bugger. I force myself to get up and walk towards my door. I open
it and there's two men there- very clean cut. They start babbling about some
bloody god thing and then slowly my sleep deprived brain figures it out- they're
Jehovah's Witnesses. I grin- isn't this funny. Jehovah's Witnesses trying to
convince a demon. Ahh, the irony. Too bad they won't live long enough to realize
the humor in the situation. I invite them in, barely able to control my hunger.
It's a fun kill- lots of terror and screaming- but even as I kill them all I
can think about is the Slayer. About how much I want her. How blind we both were
to not of realized it when I was still around. Alright, maybe not so blind. She
had an obsession with Angel, and I had one with Dru. It's interesting how
similar we are when you think about it.
She didn't even think to check on me, once I supposedly left. To busy with
Angelus. I did leave, I *had* promised after all, but after not being able to
find Dru, I headed on back and got Willy to find me a place. He hasn't told
*anyone* that I'm back- as fun as it was, I don't need a repeat of that
"Welcoming Party" escapade that I got last time I was here. I told him if he
even mentioned it to his bloody * mother*, I'd bloody well rip out his pancreas
and use it as a paperweight. I don't think he even knows what a pancreas is; I
think that's what scares him. The thought of him losing something he doesn't
even know he has.
I put the bodies away, knowing I'll toss them out the window that night. Once
the sun is gone. They'll probably land in the dumpster below. And I wish that
the Slayer would just find me. Because I'm sick of chasing after people. I've
been chasing after Dru for months, and I don't think I feel like going after
Buffy. That *was* a dream, after all- it's not as though she'll run into my
arms, desperately in love with me or something. Not in real life.
She's probably still obsessed with my goddamn sire.
But maybe I will go after her. It could be a real kick. And I love a good