It wasn't that tough to find him, actually. I thought it would be, but it was
pretty simple. I went to Willy and threatened him. It was obvious that he knew
something- he was jumpy and stammering all over the place. So I threatened him
that I'd do twice what Spike threatened to do to him. He began mumbling
something about his pancreas- I dunno, he lost me at that point- and I assured
him that if he'd spill on Spike, I'd keep his pancreas, and all other internal
organs, safe from him. Plus, I slipped him a twenty.
After that he was real helpful. Gave me Spike's address. And so that's why
I'm standing in back of some ugly, decaying apartment building, not far from
where Faith used to stay. It's the middle of the afternoon, nearly four-thirty,
and I figure he's probably asleep. So I start climbing up the fire escape, which
is pretty simple, and the idiot even left his window open. Which is absolutely
moronic, considering it's day and the sun could turn him into a piece of toast.
Well, not *literally*.
I crawl in the open window and look around warily. I spot Spike almost
immediately, lying in bed, smoking. What the hell am I doing here? I'm going to
try to convince a vampire, who's wanted nothing but to kill me since before we
even met, that we're meant to be?
This is bullshit.
I'm a fucking idiot. I watch him a moment longer and sigh, and then turn to
go, without saying a word. Funny how I can face demons and ghosts and killers
but I can't tell Spike that I'm lusting after him. As he would say- bugger.
I'm halfway out the window when I hear his voice. "Slayer."
I don't bother to turn, I just say softly; "Vampire."
He smirks and I flash back to the dream. He smirked a lot then, probably
because he actually knew what was happening and I didn't.
"Slayer." He repeats, not one to be outdone.
"Alright, enough." I turn to face him, expecting to see anger but instead he
looks confused. "Why are you here? To better acquaint me with the pointy end of
I don't speak. I can't. How do I tell my mortal enemy that I think
I'm in love with him? "Or," he doesn't shut up, does he? "Let me guess, you
had some brilliant, unexpected dream where you an' me ended up running off
together for a life- or unlife in my case- of fun and excitement?"
My mouth opens in surprise and his expression changes. "I was just kidding,"
he says. He moves closer. "Y-you mean you actually had a dream like that?"
I move closer too and nod my head. "I was gonna marry Angel. And then you
"Shit!" he swears quietly, under his breath, but I hear it anyhow.
"What do you think this means?" I wonder out loud. "How could you know about
He's quiet for a bit, trying to figure it out, I assume, and then finally he
speaks. "Because, I had the same dream." He looks away, embarrassed, and scowls
at the floor.
I roll my eyes. "Yeah, *right*. The only person I've ever been able to share
dreams with is Angel, and now you think you...you..." I freeze and just stare at
him then. "You did something to me, didn't you?" I glare. "So you could control
my dreams?" Here I'd thought that maybe I really had started to feel something
for Spike, and now it turns out he'd done something to me.
"Sure, Slayer- I *want* you to lust after me." He says it with such sarcasm,
that for a moment I feel hurt. "For even being friends with you, Slayer, I could
make every vamp in the world want to stake me. What would make you think I'd
*want* to have feelings for you?"
"Fine." My glare intensifies. I feel more hurt than I want to admit, even to
myself. "So, you wanna fight?"
He nods. "Oh, definitely." I punch at him wildly, not even thinking about it
and he grabs my fist.
He twists my arm back, and I gasp at the pain This is *so* not how I'd
expected our meeting to go. He begins leaning his mouth down to my neck and I
try to think what I could do to get out of his grasp. I'm about to push him,
using my other arm, when his mouth lingers over my neck a moment. I can feel his
breath and I start feeling all...tingly. Oh god, I think I was wrong. I don't
think it was a spell or anything, because suddenly...I really, really, want him.
And now, he's gonna kill me.
He lowers his head some more, but instead of biting into my neck, he licks
it. I close my eyes and hold back a moan, waiting to see what he'll do next.
"Slayer..." he says softly. "I don't think..." His grip on me loosens, and I
can't take all this pressure. Do I stake him, or jump him? God.
He lets go of me completely, and I turn around to face him. Spike stares at
me, waiting, and I give him a small smile. "This," I tell him, "is for being an
asshole." I pull back my arm and punch him as hard as I can. He staggers a bit-
it was unexpected I guess- and rubs his jaw.
He glares at me. "Bitch." Then he turns and starts walking away. I remember
the dream and how happy and surprised he looked when I chose him. The expression
on his face before turning to go was exactly the opposite. I want to scream' I
feel so confused.
I grab his arm and turn him back towards me. He growls at me, his demon face
"Spike, I didn't mean to..." I groan and bury my face in my hands as I sink
to the floor. "I'm so fucking confused..."
He sits down next to me. "I know the feeling."
"No- this *keeps* happening. Why can't I find a nice, normal, mortal guy-" I
think of Scott and wince. It still hurts, "-who won't dump me." I groan and run
my hands through my hair, all panicky. "Why do I keep falling for vamps?"
"You actually do like me?" he asks, sounding surprised. He sounds exactly
like he did in the dream, when he asked if I was sure I wanted to go with him.
Grudgingly, I admit, "Yeah." My voice sounds miserable and quiet.
"Gee, Buffy, don't sound *too* excited," he replies. I feel horrible; I'm
acting like a bitch. Wait- did he just say ‘Buffy'?
"Did you just say ‘Buffy'?" I question him.
He nods, looking at me strangely. "Oh, right, me using your name surprises
you. Yeah, I remember in the dream it was a big deal for you. But I mean, if me
and you are sitting here discussing our goddamn emotions, I think I can call you
I turn and look, at him and then cut him off, mid-babble. "You're evil,
Spike. Bad man, remember?" I shrug. "You kill, and kidnap, and pillage and
"I don't steal!" he protested. " I just borrow without intention to
I laugh and Spike looks over at me. "I knew you could smile."
He really can be sweet. But then again, I know how he can be homicidal too.
Sure, he was an asset in getting rid of Angel, and his devotion to Dru was
adorable- although sickening- but what of all the shit he caused for me?
It's almost like he knows what I'm thinking. "Hey, even at my worst, I never
tried to hurt you the way Angelus did, and you took him back."
"I loved him."
"Right, and I'm just the sod you want to fuck mercilessly?" Spike asks
angrily. I didn't mean to make it sound like that. He starts to stand up. "Well
I grab him and pull him back down. He hits the floor with a loud thump.
"Spike, don't go." Although, really he can't. It *is* his apartment- what is he
gonna do, leave me there alone?
He doesn't look at me. "Bugger, I hate this."
Oh, shit, I feel bad for him. I have this, like, sudden urge to hug him. Urg-
this is so frustrating! "Maybe we should, I dunno, forget the dreams? Go back to
kicking the shit out of each other. Not all my dreams have deep meaning." I
smile wryly. "I mean, last week I dreamt that Xander, Willow and Oz were all
living together in a nudist colony with Giles stopping by for regular visits,
but I doubt, somehow, that will happen."
"This is different, Buffy. Me and you sharing a dream? How many other mortal
enemies are you sharing dreams with?" He smirks. "Is that Halloween costume guy
hitching a ride to Vegas with you during your dreams? Or uh, the Order of
"Slayer, me an' you- someone is trying to tell us something."
"Get out of Sunnydale before it drives you mad?" I suggest.
He shakes his head. "I was thinking more along the lines of- ‘let's shag
until we don't even have enough energy to move', but hey, whatever works for
"That *doesn't* work for me." I sigh. "The reason I came here, Spike, was to
see if we could ever work out. As a couple, y'now? I mean, I'm not suggesting we
go pick out curtains, but if we can't have a freaking simple conversation
without wanting to rip each other's internal organs out, we're in deep shit."
"I'm just frustrated, Slayer."
We both look over at each other sideways and smile. "You're pretty cute,
I feel a blush start to heat up my cheeks. It's been so long since I heard an
actual compliment. "Don't I get a compliment?" he asks.
I smile brightly, "If ya ask me all nice," I tease.
He leans in close so our noses are almost touching. "Please, can I have a
compliment?" he asks softly. I swallow and stare at his lips, so close to mine.
And the bastard knows he's getting to me. I can tell by the look on his face
that he knows perfectly well how badly I want him. Bastard. Stupid, idiot
fucknut. I hope a house falls on him. "Please?" he repeats. No, really I don't.
Because if a house fell on him, I'd never get to kiss him. Or, or touch him. I
really wanna touch him.
"Spike?" Is that my voice? I sound so...lusty...
"You're not playing fair." I lick my lips, my eyes still inherently drawn to
his mouth. "So, I'm not gonna compliment you."
"Okay," he agrees, with a shake of his head. He leers at me, and then starts
to move his head back as if to go. No! You don't just awaken someone's hormones
and then move away like that- no, I'm sorry, it isn't done. So I grab his face
and pull it back towards mine, pressing my lips roughly against his. I'm almost
surprised and I start to admonish myself for doing that, but...
It feels so right. Kissing someone hasn't felt so right since back when Angel
and I first got together. Not with Scott...not even with Angel recently. My eyes
close and I pull him even closer as Spike deepens the kiss.
I realize exactly what I'm doing right then and pull away immediately. Oh
fuck, this is what I get for doing what my lust wants. Lust and wedding dream
premonitions- a bad combination. Crapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrap...
Spike is staring at me, a little smile on his face. "Whoa..." he says, his
yummy British accent making the awe in his voice all the more adorable.
I jump up and begin walking backwards toward the window. "I uh- have to go."
I glance out the window and then back at Spike. "Away." I step out and onto the
balcony and then hurry down the stairs. I can feel Spike's eyes on me as I go.
Once I'm out of his viewing distance, I crouch down against a building wall
and run a hand through my hair. "Shit," is the only thing I can actually think
of saying. More complex words seem to escape me at the moment. I think Spike
covered it adequately when he said ‘Whoa'. That was pretty accurate. That kiss
was very, extremely, whoa.
Damn dream. Damn *Spike*. Damn *everything*.
I really don't know what to do.
I just stay there, crouching, until I figure Mom will get nervous and start
hounding Giles about where I am. Then I stand up and start making my way home.
I'll deal- or not deal, depending on my approach- with this in the morning.
I just hope Spike is smart enough to keep his distance.
I hope I am, too.