Just another night of talking about inanities and dancing to second-rate
bands. Willow is with Oz, and Xander's staring at Willow, being with Oz. So I
sit at the table beside my incredibly preoccupied best bud and wait for him to
get over the girl that he loves, or for him to at least take a breather from
thinking about her.
Finally, a song I really like comes on, and I'm *so* sick of watching Xander
pine, I grab him and pull him over to the dance floor. It doesn't take him very
long to get into it; he loves dancing. He even manages to tear his eyes away
from Will for awhile.
Ever since we graduated and Cordy and Angel left, Xander's been very
protective of Willow. He really loves her, but he doesn't want to come between
her and Oz again. Poor Will. She doesn't talk much about Xander to me, but I
know she still wonders if it could've worked out with him. But she's happy with
Oz. She hasn't actually admitted it to me, but I think she and Oz have recently
taken the relationship to a whole new level.
They don't know about my new boyfriend. I've managed to hide it these past
three weeks. I can't believe it's been that long since I watched Sliding
Doors with Spike and we got together for good. Mom doesn't know either,
although she'll probably be the first person I'll tell. She likes Spike. Or
Will. Maybe I'll tell Willow first...
The song ends, I tell Xander it's getting late and that I've got to go. Which
is partly true. Really I just wanna do a sweep of the cemetery in case of
danger. And I don't want Xander coming along tonight. So I leave and immediately
I feel it- the moment I step outside.
It's waiting for me outside the Bronze. I can sense a vamp in the alley where
I'd first met Spike, so I begin to cautiously wander in that direction. And,
much to my surprise, Spike is who I find there. Just standing, waiting. He's
smoking a cigarette, again.
I hate that he smokes. But god, he looks so damn hot I just wanna jump him.
Right then and there. Who cares that my friends or any number of people I go to
school with could walk out, forever sullying my non-existent rep.
But I do care. I just walk up to him, trying to seem as calm as possible.
He just blows smoke in my direction. "No talking, much?" I ask.
He throws the cigarette to the ground and steps on it. "I've been waiting for
you awhile, Slayer."
"How much of a while?" I reply.
He gives me a small, mocking smile. "A long while."
Hey, two can mock. "And ya missed me?" I reach up and try to muss his
bleach-blond hair. "Aww, poor Spikey." He flinches away again and smooths down
his hair back down.
"I saw you with that pillock friend of yours- Xander?" He raises an eyebrow
suspiciously. "You were dancing."
"Sure, if you could call it that. Willow and I lovingly refer to Xander's
attempts at synchronization as ‘spazzing on a crowded dance floor'." I grin at
him and finally he gives me a genuine smile. Sometimes I think that he's so
caught up in trying to hate me, he forgets we aren't enemies anymore. "Were you
jealous of Xander?"
Spike shakes his head and I continue, "Angel used to be. I did this sexy
dance with him once to make Angel jealous and it worked perfectly."
"That wanker never *could* handle competition."
I fight the urge to punch him. A few months ago, I would have, without
hesitation. But now I feel the need to at least give him *warning*... "Watch it,
that's *my* ex you're dissing there."
"Right, this from the girl who refers to my ex-girlfriend as ‘that skanky,
Angel-stealing ho'?" Spike replies. I giggle but although I find it funny, I
don't see how it's wrong. She was a ho. She was skanky, she stole Angel.
Therefore, how am I wrong? "Pretty hypocritical, considering your former
love-slave is a broody, mopey, expressionless, spine-lacking wanker."
"Asshole!" I exclaim, and rush at him. I punch at him wildly, and he blocks
it, then twists my arm around. But I'm just so angry that I don't care. I bash
my head into his and he loses his grip on me as he stumbles backwards. He
smashes into a trash can and falls to the ground, bringing it with him. He
winces and I don't even have time to feel bad. I slide a stake out of my sleeve
and hold it right above his chest. "Take that back," I hiss at him.
He grimaces and winces again, then glares at me, equally angrily, and
replies, "Never. It's true."
I look at the stake in my hand and then back at Spike, who's still obviously
in pain. And then my eyes widen as I realize what I was about to do and I drop
the stake. I sigh and sit down next to Spike, my back against the alley wall.
We both say nothing for awhile. I feel like shit. God, I just tried to stake
my boyfriend over my ex. The guy who wouldn't even stick around and try to make
our relationship work. I get so confused. The silence is just too deafening. So
I say, "Sorry for going all Norman Bates on you."
Spike sits up, still clutching his ribs and then, refusing to look at me, he
says, "It's over, Buffy." He sighs. "He's gone to LA and he's not coming back,
except maybe to visit, and what'll you do then? Make-out during visits, and stay
single the rest of the time?"
"I know." And I do. I know the relationship is through. It's just really,
*really* hard to let go.
He looks at me. "I know that ever since you and Angel got together everyone
has been talking about how poetic it is that a vampire and a Slayer could fall
in love, and how destined...has it occurred to you that maybe that's all a load
of shit?" I open my mouth to speak and he cuts me off. "Maybe you weren't
destined. Maybe it was by an accident that you two became attracted and you
should never have been together."
"So, what are you saying?" I ask. This is ludicrous. "That maybe you're my
"No. But you have to admit our relationship has been a hell of a lot more
interesting then yours was with Angelus. I mean, with him you get together and
break up, and get together, break up...all that crap. Same old, same old."
He's been around me too much. He's starting to talk like me. Only...more
British. I smirk at him. "Are you implying that I'm losing points for
He nods. "Now you're catching on. At least with me..." he pauses, thinking.
"Look, you never knew when I'd show up or what I'd do. Doesn't that count for
Yeah, it counts for something. You being annoying as hell. But incredibly
cute. "Well, Spikey, you didn't exactly have my best interests in mind, didja?"
I smile at him and he returns the grin.
"Love's a funny thing," he says softly, turning to avoid my gaze.
I freeze and stare at the side of his face. Did he just say ‘love'? Like, in
reference to *me*? I start feeling all funny inside. I have this need to kiss
him. "What about love?" I ask, trying to hide how much his saying that has
"Slayer-" he begins but cuts himself off. "Buffy, I-" he seems very tired,
suddenly. "I don't know if someone without a soul can truly love another person,
but if they can..." he shrugs and looks at me again. I can feel my breathing
become shallow. Is he saying what I think he's saying? "I love you."
I start to laugh. I can't help it. The whole situation...I'm just so
relieved. He actually loves me. Holy fuck... Spike doesn't get it, though, and I
guess he starts feeling insecure. "What's so bloody funny?" he asks.
I grab him and pull him close. "Everything. This entire conversation," I tell
him, still giggling. "We hated each other. I *loved* beating the shit out of
you. And now, Spike, now we're in love."
He nods. "I guess we are then, baby."
We both lean forward then and our lips meet. The kiss deepens; I let him coax
my mouth open, and like always, when our tongues meet I know this is right. I
know that even if Spike and I don't have the white picket fence, the four kids,
or the chic apartment, I want to be with him for as long as I can.
I'm in love with Spike. *Spike*. Because of a goddamn dream. Okay, because of
a dream and maybe a couple of cups of hot chocolate with marshmallows, not to
mention the Sliding Doors moment. But it all started with what I originally
assumed was just another one of my ‘Buffy marries Angel and lives happily ever
I need to tell my friends, I know that. I can't keep this a secret forever,
no matter how much I desperately want to. Mom might not mind, but Giles, and
Wesley, and...Willow, Xander...how will *they* respond?
I pull away and just stare at Spike for a moment. I remember now what it's
like to love someone and have it be easy. Loving Spike doesn't hurt the way it
did with Angel. "You are *so* beautiful," he tells me. I begin to blush. "Don't,
Slayer. It's true."
"I love being with you," I tell him. I snuggle into his arms. "Everything
about it. Our banter, our kissing..."
He pushes me off and then extends his hand down to me. "C'mon, you have
rounds to do. Vamps to dust, people to mock, Spike to fuck..."
I grin. "I like how you managed to casually slip that last one in there." He
takes my hand in his and we begin walking towards the closest of the many
cemeteries residing in Sunnydale. I swing our entwined hands back and forth.
"And who says I plan to fuck you tonight?" I ask.
"Didn't your mum ever teach you to not argue with one of the undead?" he
Shaking my head, I reply, "It's possible. I'm going through this hideous
rebellious stage and when she talks, I just block it all out."
He chuckles. "You naughty girl."
I roll my eyes and look at him sideways. "Oh, you like it." He laughs again
and nods, admitting it's true. "Besides, I can pull off naughty pretty cutely,"
"C'mon Slayer, before I beg you to stake me," he says sarcastically. Why
didn't Angel ever have a sense of humor? Everything was so dire and cryptic with
him. Spike is always Humor Vamp. And he makes me happy, something Angel hadn't
really done for a long time. And I like being happy.
I stick my tongue out at him as we walk on through the night.