The Clockwork Vampire

by Spirit

'So he turns up quite out of the blue and Angel just took him in?' asked Wesley, 'It a little odd, given their somewhat truculent history.'

Cordelia shrugged.

'That's Angel, always surprising you with his generosity andhey Doyle! Did you get the video camera I asked for?'

Doyle plonked said item down on the desk and looked up at her.

'I got it Princess, but I'm pretty sure Angel's not going get all dressed up for some advert.'

She waved her hands about in an unconcerned way.

'It's not like he can afford to be picky. I mean look at us - completely client free!'

She gestured around the empty office, accidentally including both Doyle and Wesley. Wesley didn't seem to notice, as he was reading from a text which she could only assume was WEO - watcher's eyes only - and didn't hear most of the insults thrown his way. Doyle however did, and he scratched his head, wondering when she was going to tell Angel that wearing tights was their ticket to more clientele.

'I don't know Cordy, Angel in tights...'

He was still struggling with the idea when he noticed Wesley look up from his book and stare at him.


Doyle indicated the camera.

'This thing! Cordelia's got this idea that we could attract more customers if we advertise'

'Well duh!'

She grinned pleasantly at Wesley and started to detail her ideas.

'I mean, just picture it, we fade up on an aerial shot, downtown, skyscrapers, lights, yada, yada, yada. We hear a narrator, preferably famous - maybe that bald Star Trek guy or one of the cheaper Baldwins, and he says: 'it's a big, bad city out there.' Cut to a woman walking down a dark, spooky street - alone. We'll cast some beautiful, young actress, maybe an up-and-coming starlet whose carrier is on the verge of taking off.'

She paused and Doyle tried not to grin as she gestured wildly. He noticed Wesley gazing in rapt attention and frowned, determined to concentrate.

'Anyway, she's all nervous, right? Mucho vulnerable. The voice guy says: 'danger lurks around every corner.' Boom! She's attacked by a big, ugly goon, with a knife. She screams: 'help! Is there no one to help me?' 'Well now there is someone to answer your call.'

Doyle raised his eyebrows.

'He'll protect you, catch you when you fall! You can count on it.'

She paused, watching both their faces in what she took to be stunned admiration.

'Okay and then we do a close up on Angel and he says,' and she dropped her voice to Angel's, 'And you can count on me, because I'm the Dark Avenger.'


'You know it's funny,' said a barely dressed and suddenly visible Spike, 'but I always thought of him more as Spiderman.'

Cordelia shot him a look and as Spike walked further into the office, Doyle looked at the ceiling, the floor, anywhere but catch the eye of his boss's lover.

'I mean, I like the whole girl getting attacked thing, but couldn't we have a bit more blood spillage before she gets rescued?'

'You know, you're getting obvious with that whole I'm so violent and blood thirsty thing,' said Cordelia, 'I only have to mention someone getting in trouble and it's "Oh please, tell me all the gory details".'

'Yeah, so?' asked Spike, suddenly defensive, 'I'm a vampire, I'm supposed to be blood thirsty, it's what I am.'

'What you are,' said Cordelia, picking up the camera and pointing it at him, 'Is incapable of biting me and way too noisy when you have sex.'

Wesley blinked and Doyle bit down hard on his lip, praying he could hold the giggles in until they went away.

'You're only saying that precious, because you know I'd make a hell of lot better impression on that camera than you with your little, "oh help me, I'm so lost and vulnerable" routine' he added, 'Anyway, Angel won't do this and you know it. You're just that desperate to get on the box.'

'I am not,' snapped Cordelia, 'I was second in line for that Mr Washo commercial and if it hadn't been for that one little line problem'

'What was the line?' asked Wesley, unable to stifle his curiosity.

'Mr Washo is a wish for the Wash.'

'Don't tell me,' said Spike, 'It came out wash for the wish.'

'Well actually I told them it was a stupid line and that I wouldn't say it, but my career is going fine. I'm going to be someone big'

She stomped off into the back and began to make coffee.

'She'd have been perfect for silent movies,' observed Spike.

'Oh yes,' breathed Wesley, his eyes still following her 'All that smouldering passion and...'

'Well I was thinking she could have kept her gob shut, but,' said Spike, 'You take it how you want, Pet.'

He patted him on the shoulder and sat down next to the watcher, unselfconsciously reading over his shoulder.

'What's that then?'

'What? Oh, it's er, Watcher's...'

'It's about me?'

Wesley looked up desperately at Doyle, but there was no help there. Doyle had grown used to having Spike around, and whilst he was badgering the stuttering Englishman, he wasn't giving Doyle suggestions on how to invite Cordelia into his bed. Wesley tried to pull the book away, but a vampire's grip is firm and Spike held on with ease.

'Well, yes, it's a detailed account of your behavior over the last century or so.'

'Cool,' said Spike pulling it off him, 'I'll go and have a butchers.'

'That's council property!' exclaimed Wesley, taking refuge in logic, 'It's not supposed to be read by anyone other than a Watcher!'

'Well you don't tell them and neither will I,' said Spike and walked off downstairs.

Wesley stood up, his mouth open at Spike's attitude.

'Is he always so rude?'

Doyle shook his head.



'Oh yeah,' added the Irishman with relish, 'Sometimes he doesn't ask first.'

Wesley frowned.

'Doesn't it bother you that you're working with someone who's essentially a psychopath on a leash?'

Doyle laughed dryly.

'Not really, at least he's upfront about it.'

'Meaning what?'

Doyle shrugged and gestured to the door.

'Out there, everyone's after something. With Spike, it's either a fight or sex. And he's happy to fight the bad guys at the moment.'

'What about the er... other?' asked Wesley with some reservations.

Doyle grinned.

'Why d'you think he's gone back downstairs?'

'You mean?'

Cordelia walked back in and Wesley shut his mouth quickly and tried to make out that he wasn't thinking about the two vampires having sex. She looked at him in confusion.


'Er, nothing, I was just... my, is that coffee?'

She passed him a cup and turned to Doyle.

'What's with Wesley?'

'Nothing Princess, he's just having a little trouble coming round to Angel and Spike being special friends.'

'Oh what, that they have sex like every other minute we're not working?' she shrugged at Wesley, 'Get used to it, cause it's gonna happen a lot if we don't get this commercial shot.'

'You know?' asked Wesley incredulously.'

'Duh! How can you not know when you can hear them?'

'Hear them,' repeated the baffled Watcher.

'Gee Wesley, don't they have sex where you come from?'

'Well, yes,' said Wesley, 'But I mean...' He trailed off, looking at the empty stairwell, 'You mean they could be down there now...?'

'Getting groiny? Yeah, in fact, I'm betting we get three howls and a groan in the next fifteen minutes.'

As if on cue, Spike's harsh English tones echoed up the stairs.

'Oh God Angel, harder!'

'Oh my,' stuttered Wesley.

'Oh please,' said Cordelia and picked up the paper.

There was a pause in which Doyle tentatively tasted Cordelia's coffee. Not bad, could use a little less coffee in it, but still.

'Yes, oh yes, bring on the whip!'

Wesley gaped wider and Cordelia rolled her eyes. There were some cracking sounds and a deep moan, before they heard a howl of what could only be described as pleasure.

'Are they always this aggressive?' asked Wesley eventually.

'Well sometimes chairs get broken, but I think they're only being playful,' answered Doyle, wincing as the aftertaste of the coffee slipped down his throat, 'Someday they're gonna be doing that when we do get a customer.'

Cordelia looked at him over the top of the paper.

'If it gets them to sign on the dotted line, I'm in.'


'Spike? What are you doing?'

Angel hefted his boxers up a little and watched as Spike flung himself against the walls of the stairwell. He bashed his hands against the rail and then howled before turning and grinning at his lover. Angel raised his eyebrows.

'And that was because?'

Spike jumped down the remaining steps two at a time.

'Because Weasely was too interested in why you took me in.'

'Oh,' said Angel, his brow furrowed as he tried to understand, 'So you have sex noises by yourself because of Wesley. Should I be jealous?'

Spike growled seductively and kissed Angel's cheek. He walked into the kitchen and lay the tome down on its battered surface.

'What you got there?' asked Angel, removing the mugs from the microwave.



'Watcher's diary or something. Look! Here's where Dru and I took out that Mason's guild!'

Angel glanced at the pages, filled with the blood and guts of everyone who'd had the misfortune to encounter Spike when he was hungry. He couldn't say it bothered him entirely - he still had enough of a vampire urge to want to kill, but the mention of Drusilla shot fresh reminders of his penance through his unbeating heart. Nothing else he'd ever done compared to the torture he had inflicted on her. It had driven her completely mad and she in turn had caused pain and suffering once he'd turned her.

He sunk down in his chair and stared at the mug in front of him, wondering if he'd ever feel he'd done enough to compensate for that atrocity. Spike looked up, sensing something was wrong and closed the book. He took in Angel's drawn face and gently stroked his fingers along the edge of his lover's hand. Angel looked up, seeing Spike's concern and smiled sadly.

'She was the worst, you know?'

Spike nodded, he'd grasped from spending nearly a hundred years in the company of someone who was certifiably insane even if she was dead, that Angelus had broken her before he'd turned her. For a long time he hadn't known whether to hate him for it, or admire his talent for destruction. But he had loved Dru and he had enjoyed most of the years he'd looked after her. How could he have hated anyone who'd given him that?

'It's in the past Love. Forget about it.'

Angel shook his head.

'I can't. It's with me here, every day and I wonder if I can ever make up for that.'

His head hung down and Spike could feel the deep need in his sire for some kind of comfort. But Spike couldn't tell him all was forgiven - it wasn't his role and he had no intention of becoming some advocate for good. Still, seeing Angel so depressed gnawed at something inside Spike and he wasn't having his lover moping about for the rest of the day.

Okay, let's see how we can cheer big and broody up.

'You know, Cordelia's got some plan to make you a super hero in some commercial.'

'Has she?' asked Angel absently, but Spike could tell his mind was elsewhere, reliving past atrocities, making himself suffer more.

'Yeah,' Spike went on, 'She gets to act like damsel in distress and you save her from some wanker and have wild rampant sex on camera.'

'That's nice,' said Angel.

'Mhm, and you promise that every fifth client you save gets a bunk up and a button that says "I've slept with Angel".'

'Great,' murmured Angel, 'What?'

Spike snorted as Angel looked at him, finally registering what had been said.

'Get out of the past! It doesn't matter any more! You can't change it.'

'I know, I just...'

'Want to spend each and every hour reliving it and wishing that you hadn't been such a bloody hearted bastard.'

Angel smiled sadly.

'Something like that.'

'Well get over it!' said Spike standing up and slugging back his blood, 'You fight the good fight now, got all this remorse under your belt and STILL you keep hitting yourself with the bad Angel stick!'

'I can't forget,' shrugged Angel.

'Then don't,' said Spike, 'But don't do everyday like you have to wear sackcloth and ashes. You fight, you save people and all that bloody stuff that your soul seems to like. So don't spend the time when you have this beautiful body at your disposal,' he twirled, 'wondering if you could have been something different.'

Angel looked at him for a while before allowing a smile to creep slowly to his lips.

'Okay, I'll try... and brood less.'

'There's my Pet,' said Spike, 'Another cup?'

Angel glanced down at his half-finished drink.


Spike sorted out the microwave, wondering what the inventor would think if they knew it was being used in this way. As he waited for the blood to warm, he felt Angel's strong hands on his waist. He grinned and pushed backwards, feeling Angel's chest against his back.

'Beautiful body, huh?'

'The best, Love.'

Angel bit down gently between his neck and shoulder.

'It's not bad.'

'Not bad? It's a bloody masterpiece!'

Angel pulled him backwards, urging him to feel the hard cock pressed against his ass. Spike groaned and reached his hands round to Angel's thighs, pulling him closer, rubbing some decent friction against the velvety skin of his lover's cock. When the dark vampire let out an 'Mmm' of approval, he chuckled and wiggled his hips.

'Fuck, Spike, that feels good.'

'Told you it was a masterpiece.'

'Certainly fits all the right places,' murmured Angel against his neck, his fangs grazing the skin.

'How would you know? You're still dressed.'

'You're not,' came the reply and then Spike's jeans were off and he could feel the hard length of Angel's cock pressing through silk boxers. Rubbing against that material created all sorts of wonderful tingles up and down his back and the hardened mass which poked his navel was too untouched to be perfect.

'Touch me,' he moaned and then Angel's hand was stroking him, caressing every little ridge and vein in that pulsing column. He took his hands away from Angel's thighs and braced them against the wall, wriggling strongly, feeling the hard cock prodding at his ass, moving back and forth and with some definite purpose in mind.

'Hmm, I'm beginning to think you have got some wicked thoughts in that head, Peaches.'

'Oh?' nibbled Angel, letting his tongue run round Spike's prominent collarbone. He pushed forward and his cock pressed into the crease between the firm cheeks. Spike growled low and deep, his forehead growing ridges and his fangs lowering against his lip.

'Oh yeah, very wicked.'

Angel kissed his way down around Spike's ear down his hairline.

'Mmm, something the Powers that Fuck about definitely wouldn't approve of.'

'You think?' muttered Angel as he caught hold of his own boxers and slid them down. He reached to the sideboard and picked up the raspberry sauce. Smearing it over his hand wasn't easy, since it was a little more sticky than he'd been used to. He dribbled some down the tempting crack and bent to his knees, his tongue straying to push the sauce inside, feeling Spike groan and push back against his mouth. He grinned and licked harder, feeling Spike buck his hips before his tongue sank in deep, tasting raspberry sauce and wondering where the ice cream was.

'Oh yeah Peaches,' murmured Spike, spreading his legs, 'Just like that and all's forgiven.'

Angel chuckled and dipped his head, feeling the awkwardness of the angle and not particularly caring. He flicked his tongue between Spike's ass and his balls and wondered for a moment if the sensitive vampire was going to break his neck if he bucked like that again. Spike braced himself and felt that wonderful educated tongue work its way up to the plump globes and suck each one into his mouth, running the very tip over and over until Spike howled with pleasure, his cock needing some kind of friction, needing some release and he groaned hard as Angel backed off, licking his way back up to his neck.

'You want to see how bad I can be?' whispered an incredibly hard Angel.

The tip of Angel's cock hovered just outside Spike's ass and the blond vampire bit his lip, feeling the blood trickle down his chin and hit his neck. Angel was onto it in a second and his fangs sunk in deeply, drinking from his lover whilst he used his hand to guide his cock inside him. Spike groaned and thrust backwards, feeling his blood flow into Angel's mouth, his ass widen to accommodate the heavy cock which slid easily inside.

Spike growled and pushed back further, feeling Angel sink in deeper, his balls slap against his thighs whilst his blood ebbed from his body. He cried out as Angel started bucking harder, feeling his lover's hand slide back round to cup his cock, sliding the sensitive foreskin up and down. It was unbearable, it was heaven and Hell in one movement and Spike howled as he was fucked harder, his head banging the wall, his hips pounding mercilessly against Angel's.

It was perfect and it was unstoppable.

Angel growled and relinquished his bite, throwing his head back as he felt the desire and passion fill him, his cock lost within the body of his lover, touching and feeling everything that Spike would have him remember. You may have done horrendous wrong, but that is the past and you cannot change it. There is only the now and what you do now. Everything else is simply a fragment of an eternal memory. Love and be loved before the Apocalypse comes and Oh God, coming with Spike is the only place I ever want to know. Only here, only with him and forever fucking and sucking and making love and Oh God it's coming, I'm gonna, oh God!

'Spike!' he yelled and felt his balls release, splattering the inside of his lover's ass with cum. Spike howled loudly and Angel felt his cock throb wildly as his own orgasm splattered across the wall. He collapsed against his lover, wondering how on Earth his feet were supporting him at all and panted as he recovered his stamina. Spike was growling softly, feeling Angel slide back out and wondering how, if ever, he could ever be away from this perfect creature who nestled against him.

'Beautiful body,' mumbled Angel, 'Should definitely pay more attention to it.'

'Better than brooding,' sighed Spike, enjoying the closeness of his lover, unwilling and for the most part, unable to move.

'Better,' sighed Angel, 'Must put it on my to do list for...'

'This afternoon?'

'Half an hour,' murmured the contented Vampire.

'Nympho,' teased Spike.

'You love it.'

'Frequently,' agreed Spike, 'Now about that video.'


It was a dark night, a night like any other in LA. The streets were calm and quiet. But danger lurks everywhere. Whether you see it coming, or it springs out at you, it is there and it is deadly.

Cordelia ran down the street, her heels clicking and a frightened expression on her face. She glanced around dramatically and then hurried on her way. As she approached a dark alley, a thug jumped out at her and she screamed.

'Ow!' yelled Spike, 'Does she have to be so piercing?'

'You're supposed to be attacking her, Spike,' said Doyle from behind the camera.

'Well I would if she wasn't screaming in my ear. It hurts more than if I did try and bite her!'

He growled and turned back to Cordelia.

She was glaring at him.

'I thought you said you could act me off the set?'

'That was before you tried to deafen me. We don't NEED Angel, you can see of any evil with one scream.'

'You're not getting any funnier Spike.'

'I wasn't being funny.'

'Shall we try this again?' asked Doyle, whilst Wesley re-spooled the film, 'Only if we take any longer it'll be day and you and Angel'll go poof!'

'Oh they're already poof,' murmured Cordelia.

'Jealous,' said Spike and headed off back down the alley.

'Okay,' murmured Doyle, turning to Wesley, 'We ready?'

'Yes I think so,' said Wesley standing up, 'Although I'm not sure about this idea being good. What if he bites her?'

Doyle shrugged.

'More likely to happen in the reverse.'

He cupped his hands.


Cordelia followed the same path and Spike jumped out at her brandishing a knife.

'Help!' she screamed, 'Will nobody help me?'

Spike grinned up at her.

'Couldn't act your way out of a paper bag.'

She kicked him discreetly and he yelped.


'Veggie vampire.'

Angel ran up to them both and delivered a swift uppercut to Spike.

'Come on, I only agreed to do this because of blackmail.'

Cordelia sniffed.

'It's not my fault you have a perverted sex life.'

'You have no idea,' grinned Spike and got back to his feet.

He swung wildly at Angel and the taller vampire dodged easily before kicking him hard.

'I don't remember you being this hard to beat!' he grinned.

Spike growled.

'Don't push me, Peaches!'

Angel bent down, holding his hand behind his back.

'I thought that was the deal?'

Spike growled louder and got to his feet. He swung heavily at Angel and they started exchanging blows and kicks with a passionate intensity. Cordelia watched them and then realised she was still supposed to be acting and assumed her innocent-damsel-in-distress stance.

Spike kicked out quickly and knocked Angel's feet out, which caused the dark vampire to grab at him as he fell. They tumbled to the ground and rolled, Spike pinned beneath Angel and their dusters tangled. There was a moments pause and...

'Oh man! Angel! Spike! Stop that! We're supposed to be shooting a commercial here.'

'Should I stop filming now?' asked Wesley, from behind the camera.

Doyle watched as Angel and Spike kissed, their bodies entwined on the ground and some serious groping going on. He saw Cordelia's exasperated expression and shrugged.

'Yeah, I can't see this one going on the Network.'

Cordelia stormed over and past them, glaring at each in turn.

'They just did this on purpose to make sure I didn't get any exposure.'

Doyle cocked his head sideways and looked back at the vampires.

'I think they wanted exposure all to themselves.'

'So the commercial's over then' said Wesley, 'Ah well, I didn't like to say so to Miss Chase, but I didn't think it was a very good idea anyway.'

'Nah,' murmured Doyle, 'We could go with the low rats one I suppose.'

'It was RATES!'

'Right you are, princess,' said Doyle and sighed. 'You coming Angel?'

No word, just big slurping sounds and the occasional groan.

'Okay,' said the Irishman, cheerfully, 'Suddenly deciding that I don't want the answer to that.'

Episode 9