Don't Call Me Mr. Clean

“Don’t call me ‘Mr. Clean’.”

“Yeah, then don’t call me ‘Gary Coleman’.”

“I’m surprised you know who he is.”

“Whachu’ talking about, Luthor? Of course I know.”

“I stand corrected.”

“You stand less smug than you were a minute ago.”

“And you’re still standing in front of me.”

“I get the hint. I don’t like being in this mausoleum any more than you like me here. Where’s Clark?”


“Tall guy, kinda dumb and dating you, which is redundant.”


“I thought so.”

“Clark’s upstairs.”

“Then, go get him.”

“You know where the bedroom is.”

“I’m scarred for life already. I’m not going back there.”

“It’s only a bedroom, Pete.”

“It’s your bedroom, Luthor. Seeing that purple horror once was more than enough.”

“My bedroom is not purple. It’s mauve.”


“Mauve is a perfectly respectable color. It’s the first synthetic dye color, discovered in 1856 by William Henry Perkin while searching for a cure for malaria. The discovery gave birth to an entire new industry.”

“You painted your room the color of malaria? That’s sick, man.”

“Puns are the lowest form of communication.”

“I thought that was sarcasm.”

“He said sarcastically.”

“My sarcasm will continue, too, by saying that it’s been great talking with you, now go get Clark.”

“Clark will be down under his own power shortly.”

“What did you do?”

“Excuse me.”

“You’re afraid to go upstairs and get him.”

“I am not.”

“Ha, I’m right! You only get prissy when you’re defensive.”


“Heh, yeah, Mr. Mauve. Clark pointed it out to me one day.”


“Oh! And now you’re going to get huffy.”


“And prissy. Huffy about being called prissy.”

“I think I will be going up to get Clark.”

“Okay. Tell him I’ll call later.”

“You’re not going to wait?”

“Are you kidding? I don’t want to be here while you guys play Three Little Pigs.”

“I’m not following you.”

“You huff and you priss, and Clark blows you. Happens every time.”

“I’m the pig in this scenario.”

“Well, Clark does say that you squeal…”

“I believe that expression you’re wearing is called ‘smug’.”

“I believe you’re right, Kojak”

“Touché, Webster.”


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