Mabel's Shoe Emporium and Bait Shop

1. Just fyi, Clark and Lex ARE NOT WOMEN. They don't flame, don't wear matching fuzzy pink sweater sets and they don't (for Christ's sake) call each other muffin or cupcake or honeybunchesofoats, DAMMIT! This is NOT hard, this is SIMPLE. If you're going to write that shit, at least put an AU label on it, mmmkay? Thank you.-Alax

"Snickerdoodle!" Lex burst into the Talon, cheeks pink and eyes tearing, and rushed over to his supertwink. "I just saw these darling shoes at Mabel's Shoe Emporium and Bait Shop, but they don't have my size! Do something!"

"Lollipop, googlimooglibuns, what would you have me do?" Clark said, hugging his sniffling sweet to his manly chest, frowning at the thought of snot soiling his plush pink sweater set with the fluffy trim that made Lexypoop giggle when he used it to tickle his passionfruit under the chin.

"Burn the store with your eyegasms! Rip all the not-my-size shoes into tiny little pieces we can use as confetti at the next Gay Pride parade! X-ray the back room to see if Mabel's hiding the shoes from me, because you know she does, that meanie." Lex pouted prettily, and sniffled, and got snot on Clark's sweater.

"Lambchop, porkrind, honeybraisedribloin," Clark soothed, "you know I can't do that. And Mabel doesn't hide the shoes from you."

"Yes, she does." Sullen pout.

"Here, I'll go have a talk with her, does that sound okay?" Clark asked softly.


Clark tickled his chickenpock under the chin with sweaterfluff. "Maybe?"

Lex giggled and batted his hands at Clark. "Okay."

Clark kissed his cheezedoodle on the tip of the nose and stood. He straightened his sweater set, huffed at the snot on his shoulder, but did not chastise Lexaliscious. Reaching out, he buttoned the top button on his baldybear's matching pink sweater set, twined his fingers with his urinalcake's fingers, called "Bye-bye!" to Lana, and hands swinging, left the Talon to do battle with Mabel.

Clark wondered if there were any darling shoes on sale in his size.


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